i confessed my depression and suicide ideation along my attempts with my parents... they just hurt me in return telling my im out of my mind...
Wow, that has GOT to hurt... You are not alone. It's not only your parents, but it's even mine. I would understand if you feel disappointed or upset by your parents. This is why this website exists, though. The second I start talking about suicide with other people, it's basically anti-choice answers, not even discussing the pros and cons and such. Do people realize that in 150 years, all of us in this very moment will be dead?
After my first attempt to poison myself with acetaminophen (HORRIBLE METHOD--takes 3 days to die and after the 8-hour mark, it's irreversible, so you would have to sit there for 2.5 days in agony and die), after 30 minutes, I told my dad that I had taken pills. My dad shook me out of anger and told me to get ready to go to the ER. The whole drive, he talks about how I am an interruption to his work and that he has a call and lots of other work to do. After I come back from the psychiatric stay, my dad asks, "Are you done with this stupid shit?" and tells me that if I were to try and kill myself again, he would let me die. I also never realized that I always desired validation from my dad because he would sometimes compare me to other kids. When I was a younger teenager, my dad told me that many people have depression but they still get their work done. You can imagine how much all of this takes a toll, especially considering that I can remember all of these moments. I know it hurts. Just do not take the moral opinion of people who are anti-choice, which is also like 99% of the people who you will meet outside of this website.