princeseadove
wannabe angel
- Mar 4, 2025
- 75
I don't have any friends. Not ones I can really talk to or confide to. I feel obsessive with this sorta thing. It feels like I'm just fufilling my own prophecy kinda thing. I forget what's it called. I'm so out of it, I feel completely drunk. But I'm sober. I cut myself earlier to make the feeling go awsy but it didn't. Self-fulfilling prophecy is what Iys xalled. But at the same time I don't think I did. I did everything I could. Everything. Reaching out constantly, trying to do art and writing, tryong to be more social, get good grades, but it's not enough. I had a dream I was yelling at someone over a campfire. That someone screwed me over 4 years ago, but even now I can't get over it. Why would you lie? Why wouod you say such things? Why lie? Why lie? Why avoid? Why not talk? But than I woke up. I check my phone and I'm left on read by two other people haha, so. So. Now what. I tried my very hardest and believed. And believed and believed. BUF Iys noy enougg. Im constantly sixk, whether it be my stomach, throat, or head. I'm always sick, but my moms more concerned about me becoming fat than giving me the money for a check up. Such cheapskates. I can't focus on writing or studying. I just want to lay in bed. I want to die rught now, but that's not possible. I can try again tonight but I'm scared of failing. It's safer to wait until I have moved to get SN. But. I can't. And because I'm so sick people tend to not talk to me. I was already regarded as a bitch Becsuse of how I was bullied and how i retaliated. Becsuse I'm just strange and autistic. It's tiring. I don't have anyone to live for or anyone who really likes me. I'm told I'm so so loveabke and kind and sweet, but it all just feels like lies. I'm not anyone. I wish I can die. I truly wish right now that I coukd die. There's no kind of salvation for me. When I circle that tree with my axe, the only thing in the other side will be me.
