I hate envy. I hate comparing myself to others.
In all my 21 years of existence, I have yet to find an antidote that can cure extreme envy.
The people who are richer and powerful than me. The elites. Extremely lucky people who had their road paved in their journey of lavishness while I traverse in jungle with a butter knife. Those who were born from affluent progenitors while I sit in my room silently (and sometimes out loud) cursing my biological parents for bringing me in a portion of the world ridden with poverty and despair.
Back when I was still in school, I was a class "topper," a student who gets the most excellent grades, ranks above the rest, and are given multiple academic merits. As a topper, I developed huge envy among my classmates who are potentially better than me. I'm not in school now, but I feel if I go back or study in a university or college, the green-eyed monster is sure to come back. I never healed from it.
And of course, my ex, who is now living their life abroad and away from this 3rd world country (good for them), while I'm miserable thinking on how and when (and if it's even possible) I would be able to get out of this prison I'm living in.
I just love it when I trip and drown in the sea of burning envy. Totally healthy. Totally not a factor in CTBing.
In all my 21 years of existence, I have yet to find an antidote that can cure extreme envy.
The people who are richer and powerful than me. The elites. Extremely lucky people who had their road paved in their journey of lavishness while I traverse in jungle with a butter knife. Those who were born from affluent progenitors while I sit in my room silently (and sometimes out loud) cursing my biological parents for bringing me in a portion of the world ridden with poverty and despair.
Back when I was still in school, I was a class "topper," a student who gets the most excellent grades, ranks above the rest, and are given multiple academic merits. As a topper, I developed huge envy among my classmates who are potentially better than me. I'm not in school now, but I feel if I go back or study in a university or college, the green-eyed monster is sure to come back. I never healed from it.
And of course, my ex, who is now living their life abroad and away from this 3rd world country (good for them), while I'm miserable thinking on how and when (and if it's even possible) I would be able to get out of this prison I'm living in.
I just love it when I trip and drown in the sea of burning envy. Totally healthy. Totally not a factor in CTBing.
