Committing Suicide because of Heartbreak

[andy69]

My partner of fifteen years recently broke up with me. It was sudden and unexpected. He did it over the phone after ghosting for two weeks. He said he found someone else.

I have had depression for years. But this is has driven to the point of suicide - by an overdose of pills the day after it happened. I still can't get over what happened and I don't have anything else to keep me here. I'm too old to start over again (49). I have been such pain since he left. I am think about trying it again by partial hanging.

Question: Is is pathetic to kill myself over this? Does killing myself seem like an act of revenge? Does it make a even bigger loser?

 

[Kyrok]

Sometimes life is better outside of a relationship. Can you be happy on your own, or at least live without feeling lonely?

As for being too old, there are a lot of divorces as children leave home. So, a lot of singles in the age group.

If you want to ctb, it should be because of you, not someone else.

 

[TiredHorse]

For whatever it's worth, I'm 49, and I lost the love of my life to another man about eleven months ago. We had been together 24 years; she was my Muse, my everything. Her due date for their child --the daughter we once dreamed of-- is this coming Sunday.

I know what you mean. There's no time to start over, to rebuild the dreams, to replace the trust, to ever again know that the smiles you learned for each other are special to you and you alone.

Hopefully I'll be able to CTB very, very soon. Thinking about the chance of driving through town and catching sight of the three of them together... I can't take that.

If you're pathetic and a loser, well, you might take some comfort in knowing there's someone else in the same category.

 

[littlelady774]

For whatever it's worth, I'm 49, and I lost the love of my life to another man about eleven months ago. We had been together 24 years; she was my Muse, my everything. Her due date for their child --the daughter we once dreamed of-- is this coming Sunday.

I know what you mean. There's no time to start over, to rebuild the dreams, to replace the trust, to ever again know that the smiles you learned for each other are special to you and you alone.

Hopefully I'll be able to CTB very, very soon. Thinking about the chance of driving through town and catching sight of the three of them together... I can't take that.

If you're pathetic and a loser, well, you might take some comfort in knowing there's someone else in the same category.

Hey Tiredhorse
I haven't been on here in a while but logged back in just now and saw your post. :(
So sorry this has happened to you. I think we can all relate in some way. Some people are just no good :(
They live to just break other people's hearts or something. Idk.
Sometimes I feel it's better to just live as a hermit to avoid the hurt altogether

 

[not_a_robot]

This is why I disapprove of longterm relationships. The chemical bond it creates between people is absolutely devastating when it inevitably breaks. It's unhealthy, not worth the pain.

Good luck, whatever you decide. If you choose to live you will go through hell getting over this, I am sorry.

 

[Soul]

Love hurts.
I'm sorry you're going through this - you deserve better, for sure.

I'm one of those who subcribes to the concept that if you're having doubts about when or where or what others will think, it's not time for you to catch the bus. You can still get everything prepared so you'll have it at hand when the time comes, but there's no need to rush.

Be gentle with yourselves. (((Hugs)))

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

My partner of fifteen years recently broke up with me. It was sudden and unexpected.
...
Question: Is is pathetic to kill myself over this? Does killing myself seem like an act of revenge? Does it make a even bigger loser?

I don't think anyone would label you as pathetic or loser. This is raw human emotion. I don't think the person is worth CTBing over. And if they could do ghosting and all that immature crap after 15 years they certainly aren't worth your time (although the pain and hurt doesnt say that to you today.)

The one thing I would say is that at least you had a beautiful relationship and once good memories that lasted long enough to touch you this deep. That part is worth remembering.

I envy you on many levels. I have not had a relationship that lasted more than a few months in over 15 years. I have now grown cynical. The fact that you have known it, and touched it is proof that there's hope for you. I would tell you to seize that hope until you know differently.

The CTB would come across as revenge to me. And I would never give anyone the satisfaction of thinking they have that type of control over my life. CTB should be all about you, your choices and your desire to place an exclamation point at the end of your time here. And if he thinks like this he would be more even more convinced about his decision to leave; or arrogant enough to be "bragadocious" about his asinine behavior.

I'm sorry you are going through this. May you come to a perfect peace on knowing that you are loveable as shown by the 15 years. That fact is worth celebrating!

 

[throwaway123]

For whatever it's worth, I'm 49, and I lost the love of my life to another man about eleven months ago. We had been together 24 years; she was my Muse, my everything. Her due date for their child --the daughter we once dreamed of-- is this coming Sunday.

I know what you mean. There's no time to start over, to rebuild the dreams, to replace the trust, to ever again know that the smiles you learned for each other are special to you and you alone.

Hopefully I'll be able to CTB very, very soon. Thinking about the chance of driving through town and catching sight of the three of them together... I can't take that.

If you're pathetic and a loser, well, you might take some comfort in knowing there's someone else in the same category.

There are a lot of people here heartbroken (including me). I think it plays a pretty big role in CTB.
I wish that was the only reason why I want to CTB. There are so many worse reasons...

 

[Walilamdzi]

Perhaps that's an indirect cause, but I think it's more complex than that.

 

[ExitTheDay]

Wow what an asshole, I'm sorry he did this to you after such a long extended period of time, you don't deserve what he did to you and its clear he didn't even deserve you in the first place. You are not a loser for wanting to take your own life over this because you really loved him and 15 years is a very fucking long time, especially to be in a relationship with somebody. Don't worry about revenge now because he will soon realise what he truly lost when shit hits the fan in his new "relationship" and then he will come crawling back, I'm assuring it. If you can, do what you need to do in the time being to forget about him like picking up a new hobby. (By the way sorry if you can't understand anything in this post auto-correct is being a dick)

 

[andy69]

Thanks for your responses. I've got so much pain over this broken heart. The things that once gave me pleasure no longer do so. The shock of his leaving me and way he did it makes me like garbage, completely worthless. It would be different if I had something in my life to fill the void. I made sacrifices in my career for him and now it seems it meant nothing to him or anybody else for that matter. People tell me I will get over this. But I don't want to go on anymore. Forty-nine seems like a good age to commit suicide. My first attempt six weeks ago might have been impulsive. But after weeks of living with the pain and thinking about it constantly, I've convinced myself it is the right decision. I just need the courage to go through with it.

 

[Shamana]

I dont think you should kill yourself because of heartache. With the internet its easier than ever to meet up and connect with people. Id say give it some time.

 

[Darkhaven]

Well to be honest, as a person who has never been in a relationship, i think killing yourself because of someone else leaving you, while you are physically healthy and a self sufficient person is kind of a waste.
But, as i said, i don't know what it feels so maybe you have a point...

 

[Final Escape]

My partner of fifteen years recently broke up with me. It was sudden and unexpected. He did it over the phone after ghosting for two weeks. He said he found someone else.

I have had depression for years. But this is has driven to the point of suicide - by an overdose of pills the day after it happened. I still can't get over what happened and I don't have anything else to keep me here. I'm too old to start over again (49). I have been such pain since he left. I am think about trying it again by partial hanging.

Question: Is is pathetic to kill myself over this? Does killing myself seem like an act of revenge? Does it make a even bigger loser?

I've gotten suicidal ideation after relationship breakup. It's pretty intense, that pain initially. He showed no signs of distancing himself at all? I considered suicide over this before too, but I didn't have the means at the time. So I ended up getting over it because I had no choice. It's not irrational that u feel this way. That's a long relationship, to just get over easily. It will take awhile before u feel better. I honestly don't know if it's a stupid reason to ctb over, it makes total sense at the time. I guess it depends on what other things in life u have to look forward to. If u have good friends, family, lots of hobbies, enough money.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I don't think anyone would label you as pathetic or loser. This is raw human emotion. I don't think the person is worth CTBing over. And if they could do ghosting and all that immature crap after 15 years they certainly aren't worth your time (although the pain and hurt doesnt say that to you today.)

The one thing I would say is that at least you had a beautiful relationship and once good memories that lasted long enough to touch you this deep. That part is worth remembering.

I envy you on many levels. I have not had a relationship that lasted more than a few months in over 15 years. I have now grown cynical. The fact that you have known it, and touched it is proof that there's hope for you. I would tell you to seize that hope until you know differently.

The CTB would come across as revenge to me. And I would never give anyone the satisfaction of thinking they have that type of control over my life. CTB should be all about you, your choices and your desire to place an exclamation point at the end of your time here. And if he thinks like this he would be more even more convinced about his decision to leave; or arrogant enough to be "bragadocious" about his asinine behavior.

I'm sorry you are going through this. May you come to a perfect peace on knowing that you are loveable as shown by the 15 years. That fact is worth celebrating!

This. This is beautifully put. If you want my honest opinion as (he)? said, it does seem revengy. But if this is your only reason, id say give it some time. The heartache sucks. Mine wasn't 15 yrs but it was 2 and that suckkkkeeedddd to get over. It hurts. That type of pain will always be there but it'll decrease even if it doesn't seem like it now

It is however 100% your choice

 

[BipolarExpat]

I've always thought that heartbreak might be the best example of what depression truly feels like (for those not predisposed to actual depression).

Both heartbreak & depression come in different degrees of course but they share a lot of core aspects:

• Sense of worthlessness/lowering of confidence
• inability to concentrate/anxious thoughts & desperation
• difficulty in finding comfort/lack of sleep
• changes in appetite/lethargy ...and more.

I've told those close to me who have been heartbroken to "consider your feelings at that time and then imagine them not going away," to get a better idea of what can be hard to describe.

In short, to the OP:
If it's only (or mainly) heartbreak, I believe you stand a good chance of these feelings fading in time.
I know it's tough and wish you the very best.

 

[Vidar33]

Thanks for your responses. I've got so much pain over this broken heart. The things that once gave me pleasure no longer do so. The shock of his leaving me and way he did it makes me like garbage, completely worthless. It would be different if I had something in my life to fill the void. I made sacrifices in my career for him and now it seems it meant nothing to him or anybody else for that matter. People tell me I will get over this. But I don't want to go on anymore. Forty-nine seems like a good age to commit suicide. My first attempt six weeks ago might have been impulsive. But after weeks of living with the pain and thinking about it constantly, I've convinced myself it is the right decision. I just need the courage to go through with it.

How about you give yourself a year, counting as from today? Twelve months, four seasons to see how you feel? Given your age, you'll probably know the Johnny Logan song from the eighties: 'What's another year?'

A year is not that long. You know how time flies. Just one year.

To avoid any misunderstanding: I am NOT playing the pro life advocate. I am all pro choice. Just wanted to share some experience/insight.

 

[andy69]

How about you give yourself a year, counting as from today? Twelve months, four seasons to see how you feel? Given your age, you'll probably know the Johnny Logan song from the eighties: 'What's another year?'

A year is not that long. You know how time flies. Just one year.

To avoid any misunderstanding: I am NOT playing the pro life advocate. I am all pro choice. Just wanted to share some experience/insight.

The anniversary of when we met is on Monday. It would have been sixteen years. I was thinking of killing myself then or on the 5th of June. I am really in a lot of pain and loneliness. I don't know if I am going to do then. I have been planning on partial hanging. I plan to be fully dressed when I do it so it does not look like autoerotic asphyxiation. I think my partner might make jokes about me dying while masterbating. Maybe I'll wait. It's just I really don't have anything to keep me here - career, friends, or interests. If I am going to do it, I want to do it before I turn fifty in October.

 

[jake3d]

Fifty's still an interesting age to be alive... i wouldn't kill myself for just that reason tbh. If you don't have any chronic illness, i would take some more time to ponder it.

 

[Darkhaven]

The anniversary of when we met is on Monday. It would have been sixteen years. I was thinking of killing myself then or on the 5th of June. I am really in a lot of pain and loneliness. I don't know if I am going to do then. I have been planning on partial hanging. I plan to be fully dressed when I do it so it does not look like autoerotic asphyxiation. I think my partner might make jokes about me dying while masterbating. Maybe I'll wait. It's just I really don't have anything to keep me here - career, friends, or interests. If I am going to do it, I want to do it before I turn fifty in October.

Killing yourself on meaningful days for the both of you will only send a message that you are only doing it to spite the other person.
I don't want to underestimate your suffering but if you have no physical diseases that impact your lifestyle it's not worth it.
Why don't you find new hobbies: sports, books, taking a degree in something you may like, move to another place.
Try something new and set new small objectives and as you fullfill them you go and create bigger ones and start from there reshaping your life.
50 years? What's that? That used to be "old" back in 11th century, nowadays that's nothing.
Just move one it's not worth it kill yourself because of another person, you are just giving him/her more importance than he/she deserves.
There is so much more to life than a long term failed relationship.
That's just my 2 cents take them how you want of course.

 

[TiredHorse]

it's not worth it kill yourself because of another person, you are just giving him/her more importance that he/she deserves.

The plunge into loneliness. The shattered dreams. The loss of all your future plans. The betrayal. The utter exhaustion and the futility of trying to focus on anything, new or old. The memories that won't stop replaying, constantly tearing you apart. The awareness that at 49 there isn't time to start over from scratch...

It isn't that you're killing yourself over someone, it's that everything you had and everything you hoped for is gone, never to be replaced. When the half of you that you loved most is torn away, there's nothing you can put there to fill the void.

 

[Darkhaven]

The plunge into loneliness. The shattered dreams. The loss of all your future plans. The betrayal. The utter exhaustion and the futility of trying to focus on anything, new or old. The memories that won't stop replaying, constantly tearing you apart. The awareness that at 49 there isn't time to start over from scratch...

It isn't that you're killing yourself over someone, it's that everything you had and everything you hoped for is gone, never to be replaced. When the half of you that you loved most is torn away, there's nothing you can put there to fill the void.

Different perspectives. I was never in a relationship so i don't know those feelings, hence why it seems weird to me to take your life over a failed relation between humans. I respect your view though.

 

[jake3d]

A song i liked said "life's what goes on while you're making plans". Even if you see your world shattered now, if you're not physically suffering.... i still wouldn't.

Hell, i wouldn't off myself if it weren't for this stupid incurable pain that i've managed to get myself into.

 

[sillyusername69]

I have to say that part of why I will eventually be CTB is being heart broken. When I was a teenager I met a terribly abusive man that convinced me he would give me the moon and stars. We married and had kids. I left the abusive asshole and am certainly not heartbroken over him, but the abuse left me with PTSD and I already had severe depression prior to meeting him.
Just recently my boyfriend abruptly cheated and subsequently we broke up once I found out. He told me I hadn't meant much to him for a while and he hadn't love me for quite some time. He found our relationship boring. We had been planning our life together just a week prior. He's now blocked me on social media and is essentially acting like I'm a bother, and like I'm a stranger.

I went from the love of his life to, well even worse a stranger, someone he hates or dislikes in less than a week. I can say I'm completely heart broken and I absolutely want nothing to do with any other people. I have zero desire for sex or companionship. I would rather just continue carrying out my duties of being a mom and pretty much fulfilling all financial obligations I have until they are adults or until I'm confident they won't go to their father if I CTB.

This last relationship was really the last straw. All I wanted was to just continue being a friend but I realized that he must have checked out of the boyfriend role quite a long time ago if it only takes a week to move on and shut me out of his life.

 

[Raven40]

My partner of fifteen years recently broke up with me. It was sudden and unexpected. He did it over the phone after ghosting for two weeks. He said he found someone else.

I have had depression for years. But this is has driven to the point of suicide - by an overdose of pills the day after it happened. I still can't get over what happened and I don't have anything else to keep me here. I'm too old to start over again (49). I have been such pain since he left. I am think about trying it again by partial hanging.

Question: Is is pathetic to kill myself over this? Does killing myself seem like an act of revenge? Does it make a even bigger loser?

No it doesn't! I am in the situation as you, my husband is leaving after 18 years because all of the sudden he thinks 18 years is too long to be with someone. I am also in my 40s I don't want to start over either and I love him so much. I feel your pain.

 

[sillyusername69]

It's definitely not pathetic at all! It doesn't matter if anyone thinks of it as revenge. You know why you want to CTB. You have your own reasons. It's doesn't matter other people's perception, and if you want you can always write a letter (or letters) or use your own method of communicating why.
Just make sure you are careful with your wording and intentions since you don't want any misunderstandings in your letters.

 

[andy69]

I have to say that part of why I will eventually be CTB is being heart broken. When I was a teenager I met a terribly abusive man that convinced me he would give me the moon and stars. We married and had kids. I left the abusive asshole and am certainly not heartbroken over him, but the abuse left me with PTSD and I already had severe depression prior to meeting him.
Just recently my boyfriend abruptly cheated and subsequently we broke up once I found out. He told me I hadn't meant much to him for a while and he hadn't love me for quite some time. He found our relationship boring. We had been planning our life together just a week prior. He's now blocked me on social media and is essentially acting like I'm a bother, and like I'm a stranger.

I went from the love of his life to, well even worse a stranger, someone he hates or dislikes in less than a week. I can say I'm completely heart broken and I absolutely want nothing to do with any other people. I have zero desire for sex or companionship. I would rather just continue carrying out my duties of being a mom and pretty much fulfilling all financial obligations I have until they are adults or until I'm confident they won't go to their father if I CTB.

This last relationship was really the last straw. All I wanted was to just continue being a friend but I realized that he must have checked out of the boyfriend role quite a long time ago if it only takes a week to move on and shut me out of his life.

That's exactly how I feel. It was we were in love. He was going to take me to Italy in October for my fifty birthday. Then he stopped calling me and won't even talk to me. He made me feel so worthless, like garbage. I've made so many sacrifices for him, and they have ruined my life. Exiting this world seems like the only reasonable option for me.

 

[TAW122]

The plunge into loneliness. The shattered dreams. The loss of all your future plans. The betrayal. The utter exhaustion and the futility of trying to focus on anything, new or old. The memories that won't stop replaying, constantly tearing you apart. The awareness that at 49 there isn't time to start over from scratch...

It isn't that you're killing yourself over someone, it's that everything you had and everything you hoped for is gone, never to be replaced. When the half of you that you loved most is torn away, there's nothing you can put there to fill the void.

Well said and I too would not suicide over a specific person alone, but it would be a catalyst and/or a factor in addition to the many other reasons and causes for me to want to suicide. Back in March, at the crossroads of continuing to live or die in May, I managed to succeed in getting what I was looking for and now, I lived through May (now it is June 2nd where I live). Had I failed back then, I would be dead already. I would say that time in March is a decisive moment for me, either a catalyst for CTB or recovery, luckily the catalyst was a catalyst for recovery, so that I can live longer.

 

[Aliaiactaest]

For whatever it's worth, I'm 49, and I lost the love of my life to another man about eleven months ago. We had been together 24 years; she was my Muse, my everything. Her due date for their child --the daughter we once dreamed of-- is this coming Sunday.

I know what you mean. There's no time to start over, to rebuild the dreams, to replace the trust, to ever again know that the smiles you learned for each other are special to you and you alone.

Hopefully I'll be able to CTB very, very soon. Thinking about the chance of driving through town and catching sight of the three of them together... I can't take that.

If you're pathetic and a loser, well, you might take some comfort in knowing there's someone else in the same category.

Tired Horse, sorry to hear that. The math sounds odd. You were with her for 24 years then she just leaves and has a kid with another man? How old is she? In either case, yeah, it sucks.

 

[Grief]

Give yourself time to heal from the relationship and don't feel bad about crying over it to relieve stress. Could you spend time with family and friends so you are not so lonely or take part in other distractions to get your mind off the break-up? Don't rule out another relationship at some point when you're ready. No age is too old to start a new relationship if that is important to you. Your perspective about the relationship could change over time. I hope you don't let this put you over the edge.