Discussion Comfort that it’s an option

[whenwillthepainstop]

I first came onto this site and I'm waiting to unlock search bar so I can really find all the info I need for my method, because I don't want to risk survival. However in the day I've been here, I'm not sure I want to do it anymore. It's so comforting to talk to people who understand without being shamed or judged and I think honestly now that I'm a member, I'm not sure if I want to CTB anymore. I was just going to post to try and unlock search bar but I've been posting to get things off my chest instead of to hit a number. The original plan was to just get search bar, find info, plan for a few months and then CTB but I've kinda gotten side tracked. I might just stick around without taking much action yet. It makes me almost feel like I want to recover, I wasn't sure if this should go in the recovery section though because idk what I'll do. But if I was truly recovered, personally I'd just delete my account. I want to stay here just in case life goes bad so that I always know I have the option to find all the info I need. It's hard to put the pieces together if you're just browsing as a guest. When I feel like suicide is my only option, I still feel trapped and hopeless. But when I feel like it's just AN option, it feels comforting. Like I'm not forced to choose it but it's always there. The difference between being forced to eat the same food forever vs being able to eat different things but you can still choose the one thing if you really want. I hope someone understands.

 

[Hellis]

When I first got SN, I didn't use it because it made me feel truly alive again. Having a back up plan gave me a new level of control over my life. Crazy how that works.

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

When I first got SN, I didn't use it because it made me feel truly alive again. Having a back up plan gave me a new level of control over my life. Crazy how that works.

Similar to how when I got accepted to this site, I didn't automatically start asking questions about my method because I knew I finally had access to the info if I really wanted, and so for now I'm just chilling on here. The fact I can look for it whenever I want, makes me actually not desperately go searching for information.

 

[AuraByte]

However you choose to use this forum and however you find comfort is completely valid, friend.

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

However you choose to use this forum and however you find comfort is completely valid, friend.

Thank you. I appreciate that a lot.