nooneyouknow
sleep deprived
- Jul 17, 2024
- 42
LMAO okay hi guys. college is still fucking me over. I make these posts and then forget I made them so I am so sorry I haven't and may not reply to people but I promise I'm reading them at the least. anyways!!!
officially on academic probation for next semester !!! I didn't even think I did THAT bad but I get it, the nature of my major requires genuine absolute perfection (electrical tech, everything needs to be right or nothing is) anytime I tell anyone I'm scared of failing or I'm about to fail out I just get brushed off and told it's gonna be fine which like
thanks I guess LMFAO??? that's not very helpful guys. I genuinely don't remember most of the last few months just. holy shit I really think I've horribly been on survival mode. I had a small break down in front of my friend the other day over this, I hadn't meant to but she held me while I cried in her car at god knows what time. I get that this is expected in life, especially at this age, but holy shit I just feel like I keeping proving like 10 year old me right and that I should've killed myself when I had the chance. 6 more months and it'll have been minimum a decade I've felt like this, insane. I really think I'm at my limit and I've handled all my brain can handle, it's to the point I don't really think I even feel passively suicidal I guess? like yeah of course if I die then whatever but I just really don't think I feel much of anything notable, I haven't in months. the few instances I do are those small breakdowns I have and they're always sporadic. I've been surviving my time home by playing an obscene amount of Minecraft, showering at 1am and binging on whatever I can get my hands on, which isn't much so it's almost impressive I've managed to binge much as I have. idk I'm tired and I just really do not care anymore. I'm just bored of life at this point and I have been for so long. there's only so much it seems to offer and I don't really know if I feel like spending the next god knows how many years trying to keep myself connected and entertained.
officially on academic probation for next semester !!! I didn't even think I did THAT bad but I get it, the nature of my major requires genuine absolute perfection (electrical tech, everything needs to be right or nothing is) anytime I tell anyone I'm scared of failing or I'm about to fail out I just get brushed off and told it's gonna be fine which like
thanks I guess LMFAO??? that's not very helpful guys. I genuinely don't remember most of the last few months just. holy shit I really think I've horribly been on survival mode. I had a small break down in front of my friend the other day over this, I hadn't meant to but she held me while I cried in her car at god knows what time. I get that this is expected in life, especially at this age, but holy shit I just feel like I keeping proving like 10 year old me right and that I should've killed myself when I had the chance. 6 more months and it'll have been minimum a decade I've felt like this, insane. I really think I'm at my limit and I've handled all my brain can handle, it's to the point I don't really think I even feel passively suicidal I guess? like yeah of course if I die then whatever but I just really don't think I feel much of anything notable, I haven't in months. the few instances I do are those small breakdowns I have and they're always sporadic. I've been surviving my time home by playing an obscene amount of Minecraft, showering at 1am and binging on whatever I can get my hands on, which isn't much so it's almost impressive I've managed to binge much as I have. idk I'm tired and I just really do not care anymore. I'm just bored of life at this point and I have been for so long. there's only so much it seems to offer and I don't really know if I feel like spending the next god knows how many years trying to keep myself connected and entertained.
