Venting co-dependency

[celestialsnowangel]

i am completely emotionally reliant on my boyfriend, despite the fact that we have only been together for 6 months or so. when i have the liberty of thinking freely (i am under crushing financial pressure), he is the only thing on my mind. i live for him. in terms of relying on intense connections to keep on going, i have always been like this, just not this acutely. i owe it all to my deadbeat father, and the kind of paternal tenderness my boyfriend has provided me obviously psychologically lines up perfectly with that. he is everything to me. he has shown me the love and kindness that i previously figured human beings were incapable of. he has no idea that i am this weak of a person, nor does he have any clue as to where i'm at mentally. i'm pretty sure that i've sold him a persona. the qualities that claims to admire about me consist of "hard-working", "strong" and the like. if he were to ever leave me, i'd promptly go on to ctb. i see that as a highly likely possibility, as we are both young, in a long distance relationship, and i'm not very attractive; we're statistically doomed in every sense. he is WAY out of my league and i'm not entirely sure what he is doing with me, but i believe that the delirium will naturally wear off soon, probably around the point in which we are intimate for the first time (something i have been averse to due to sexual trauma and my being unsatisfied with the state of my own body) or when a more befitting mate walks into his life. i am going to take precautions to prepare for this event.

 

[username12345]

Your boyfriend having to regulate/compensate for your emotions makes him codependent for you, not the other way around. Tbh it seems like you are kind of hard on yourself and have low self esteem, but people that genuinely like you will think well of you. Maybe it's more like imposter syndrome? Just remind yourself why he's lucky to have you, too and just keep trying to build up a social circle for yourself. Tbh I think that codependency is worse when the person is overly critical and needing someone to constantly compensate and regulate their bad moods all the time.