R
Roph
Specialist
- Sep 24, 2018
- 355
damn you rock those pants.I will likely ctb in one of my favorite outfits. One of my most eccentric. Probably this one =) It's all I've really been wearing lately.
View attachment 3296
Yes, wear a diaper under nice clothes, and that way the nice clothes will not be stained
Adding that I have been suicidal since I was 18 (and much earlier) and while I have been for a decade more, there are times I wish I could go back to being 18 and prevent it. In hindsight I see how it could've been prevented. You're still so young. Life has a chance to better. But I understand the feeling of life passing by and giving you more reasons to CTB, not more reasons to stay.I am think of just wearing a hoodie and joggers. To be honest my life is messed up because of stupid mistakes I made and now the consequences have made me suffer severely. I wish I could turn back time and fix errors so I can live again. Sadly I can't. Eventhough I am 18 , I still feel like a failure. I have disappointed my mother and I can't do it anymore. I ruined my chances of going to college. I can't even get a job. All my friends are in uni. While I am at home trying to find way out to get to college. But it just seems like I am just wasting my time hoping somehow my life would turn around. I dropped out of high school at 16 due to bullying and now I can't even go college. I am also unemployed.I have been having huge family issues as well. Don't you feel like sometimes life just keeps on giving you reasons to end it reasons rather than giving you reasons to live. It almost makes me feel like I am destined to die by suicide. I am not afraid of dying. But I am afraid of failing and being found. I can't even find a sturdy object to hang myself on. I just have this metal bar in my closet and a strong woven scarf. I tried puting my weight on the bar and It didnt budge but I am still scared it won't work. I am planning to do it any day before Friday. I am struggling to write a note to my mom. Wish me luck xxx