Hello, I am a 22 year old woman living at home with multiple chronic illnesses and chronic pain. Since I was a child my family has been physically (which stopped a few years ago when they couldn't get away with it anymore), psychologically, and verbally abusive to me without end. My two brothers are far more abusive and antagonistic than my parents and seem to enjoy degrading me as they deny my access to care as a chronically ill person. In response to this, my parents decided to enable and cater to them and often join in. I have been suicidal before due to my own health issues but now predominately because the abuse escalated ten fold once my older brother moved back home with his wife six months ago. I managed to work as a vet assistant a few months prior to this so I have some money saved. My parents tell me the abuse is in my head and that they will not stop it but that they would have absolutely have done so if it happened to anyone else. So I guess I'm just not worth protecting. They also previously threatened my housing for reacting to the abuse after I reached my breaking point but tell me they will never kick my brothers out. So basically I need a way to escape indefinitely because I have no friends, no therapist, and my own body keeps me from getting away from them. I have lost all hope. I attempted partial suspension hanging today with a thick dog leash and had read that I should place the knot on my right side for faster loss of consciousness. I'm not sure if that's true.. I felt like my head was kind of going to explode or like my jaw was numb depending on the angle and I'm worried that I'm only occluding the jugular veins and not my carotid.. if that was the case, is this enough to cause death or would I just end up with severe brain damage? Do I need longer than 30 minutes? My parents give me plenty of time with how little they check in on me.
Another option is a firearm. My parents have restricted access to their car recently because they want to keep me from leaving at all (my mother knows in detail how suicidal I am and only spiritualizes it) but I guarantee that I could convince them to let me use it if I lie and say I've been scheduled at work. I haven't been scheduled in four months by my new manager, even though I still technically retain employment. there's a gun store less than a mile from me. It's between a Glock 17 9mm or a 12 gauge shotgun - I'm not sure which caliber would be best or if either gun would do the job. I would prefer a handgun because it's easier to conceal and part of me wants to shoot myself in the face in front of my family members after I tell him what I think of them, but I'll probably end up doing it in the car away from everyone. I hope that doesn't make me a horrible person. Lastly, every one I've ever seen fail seems to aim under their chin - is this a fair assessment? Should I aim for the side of my head or through the mouth? If anyone could advise me on the most effective method/angle that would be much appreciated. Literally any tips and tricks you can give me to secure the best chance of this working would be great because my mom just verbally abused me over cough drops today. I'm so fucking done.
Another option is a firearm. My parents have restricted access to their car recently because they want to keep me from leaving at all (my mother knows in detail how suicidal I am and only spiritualizes it) but I guarantee that I could convince them to let me use it if I lie and say I've been scheduled at work. I haven't been scheduled in four months by my new manager, even though I still technically retain employment. there's a gun store less than a mile from me. It's between a Glock 17 9mm or a 12 gauge shotgun - I'm not sure which caliber would be best or if either gun would do the job. I would prefer a handgun because it's easier to conceal and part of me wants to shoot myself in the face in front of my family members after I tell him what I think of them, but I'll probably end up doing it in the car away from everyone. I hope that doesn't make me a horrible person. Lastly, every one I've ever seen fail seems to aim under their chin - is this a fair assessment? Should I aim for the side of my head or through the mouth? If anyone could advise me on the most effective method/angle that would be much appreciated. Literally any tips and tricks you can give me to secure the best chance of this working would be great because my mom just verbally abused me over cough drops today. I'm so fucking done.
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