This is how I'm feeling today, and I literally have no reason to feel it!
And it's hard to explain, but it's like being bored but it's the worst boredom times 10000000 like complete emptiness, my soul sucked dry and feeling unable to find motivation or interest in anything. Like the entire world has turned into grey cardboard and I don't know what to do to feel something.
It's these times when I get this chronic emptiness that I crave feeling SOMETHING.. like right now I want to feel pain, or anger or something. Just to feel!
Normally when I've felt like this I seek drama, conflict, try to do something stupid or attention seeking or crazy, often to get attention.. not even good attention. I'm compelled to get anger directed at me so I can feel emotional pain, which is better than feeling nothing.
Or I get into dangerous or romantic situations with people so that I can sink into the heightened emotion and submerge myself there..
I'm trying to give up drinking. Normally I'd just drink wine later as an anaesthetic but I can't even do that.
What does anyone else with bpd do with the feelings of chronic emptiness?
I don't want or deserve sympathy by the way.. just interested in others' experiences..
And it's hard to explain, but it's like being bored but it's the worst boredom times 10000000 like complete emptiness, my soul sucked dry and feeling unable to find motivation or interest in anything. Like the entire world has turned into grey cardboard and I don't know what to do to feel something.
It's these times when I get this chronic emptiness that I crave feeling SOMETHING.. like right now I want to feel pain, or anger or something. Just to feel!
Normally when I've felt like this I seek drama, conflict, try to do something stupid or attention seeking or crazy, often to get attention.. not even good attention. I'm compelled to get anger directed at me so I can feel emotional pain, which is better than feeling nothing.
Or I get into dangerous or romantic situations with people so that I can sink into the heightened emotion and submerge myself there..
I'm trying to give up drinking. Normally I'd just drink wine later as an anaesthetic but I can't even do that.
What does anyone else with bpd do with the feelings of chronic emptiness?
I don't want or deserve sympathy by the way.. just interested in others' experiences..
