Apr 8, 2020
This is my second Christmas suicidal.
I never used to ask for anything during Christmas holidays when i was I little.
As i grew older i spend my Christmas thinking of those who have nothing, the homeless people , the families who cant afford to buy presents for thier children and those in the hospital.

I still do think of these people.
Being suicidal this Christmas my humanity is still intact. I still care for others. Being suicidal has made me want to make other people happy especially in my family.

What i have done this week
- I brought loads of presents for my family and nearly finished wrapping them
My mum: I brought her a huge archangel statue which cost £29.99 and yankee candles
Sister: A Harley Quinn Mug and socks
My nan: Statue of St Jude and stuff for the kitchen. New tea towels and a new thermal cup.
• When leaving the shop i tell the shop workers " Have a nice Christmas "
• i brought more jacob hooy hemp herbal tea from Holland and barrett. It has improved my moods a lot since drinking it. I still have suicidal thoughts but not as intense. The tea calms me down and helps with sleeping.
• Some one stalked my reddit profile and sent a vile personal message
" Your posts sound so whiny why don't you just kill your self and anyway you support tory scum"
I blocked the arsehole. I used to support the Tory party in my teens because they were a lot of Tory mps i like particularly the women. Being a young girl i found it inspiring seeing women being in government. I became fascinated with these women that is how i became a supporter.
My favourites were ruth Davidson when she was the scottish tory party leader, Thersea May when she was Home secretary.

The labour party i saw as hypocritical party
They say private schools are wrong and nobody should send their kid to a private school. These labour mps send thier children to them.
Labour support inheritance tax and oppose inheritance wealth however their own mps use inheritance tax loopholes

and dont like how the left here have this entitlement to peoples vote. If you are a black person labour expect you to support them . It is not fair i can support who i want
I am a eurosceptic i discovered this when i was 17 and voted leave. I love Europe but i dont believe in the institution of the eu. The Eu has changed and is no longer the eu of grandparents generation. The vision of the social europe created by jaques delores no longer exists. The eu today no longer serves the greater good of Europe and it is nothing but an undemocratic corporatist institution that holds to contempt European democracy and at best a playground for retired politicians to ride the gravy train .
So many examples of eu corruption of funds by MEPs, corporations lobbying especially in the commission, secrecy of TTIP and CETA, ignoring referendum results as seen in greece 2015, Denmark 1992 maastricht treaty.
The eu would never reform if the result was stay it would be carry on as normal. Britain leaving the EU would force the eu to truly look at itself. Otherwise if the status quo carries on another member state will leave the order will collape

I became disillusioned with the party when David Cameron resigned. It was selfish for him to do so. He should have stayed as prime minister until we left the eu and negotiations were finished.
I no longer support any party as i feel no leader or party as a whole inspire me.

I want a world in which there is no race, no class and people truly can be themselves.
I am a centre-Right libertarian but does care about social inequalities

Have you brought any presents for your family?
How you coping this Christmas?


Words are quite useless, and so am I.
Oct 22, 2020
It's interesting how suicide and the feelings, thoughs and experiences related to it vary so much from one person to another. Suicide is really a deeply complex phenomenon. I'm happy to see that you seem to be such a caring gentle soul, but I am much different. And this is something beyond my power, I don't feel much towards my family. In fact I am conciously avoiding to meet them in these christmas related occasions, and they are really not a bad family. Sometimes we have our differences, of course, but they are a good family.

Dinken's might have gotten some things wrong in his christmas carol. I have stared death in her cold eyes and I don't feel more compelled to be more "humane". I feel quite isolated, I care too little and this is something natural to me. I remember two instances where this became quite clear. One when my father was screaming in pain and my sisters were very desperate about the whole thing while I remained calm. And this is important to emphasize; I wasn't worried trying to remain calm, I was calm and cold trying to pretend I was worried. And I like my father... a lot. There was this other time when my dog died and everyone was in pain, but I wasn't... and I don't know why. I don't know why I don't core sometimes... but I still feel lonely... I feel depressed and alone, for the eighth year this christmas. I haven't bought gifts, I won't pretend like I care. And I don't why I don't care. Maybe I am too broken.