"Childhood trauma is not a valid reason to commit suicide"

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

This was something I was told my a life coach friend of mine. I told him extensively about my suicidal thoughts, considering his past with them and his own personal trauma. However, I always felt invalidated by this. Not everyone has the strength to live with trauma. Its not fair was abused by so many people who didn't care. why should I have to force myself to live if I don't want to? Not everyone can do it, and honestly thats ok. I just wish I didn't have to resort to something drastic like getting hit my train, jumping into water, etc.

 

[Fragile]

This is something that not many people understand and it shows a lot of lack of empathy. just because they managed to 'get over' past trauma, doesn't mean that everyone is able to do the same.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

This is something that not many people understand and it shows a lot of lack of empathy. just because they managed to 'get over' past trauma, doesn't mean that everyone is able to do the same.

Exactly. Though the fact that he is able to say that so forwardly makes me wonder if he got over his. I dont mean to get upset, ive just been conflicted on him these days

 

[Fragile]

Exactly. Though the fact that he is able to say that so forwardly makes me wonder if he got over his. I dont mean to get upset, ive just been conflicted on him these days

It's hard to tell when someone is really over something. But it's a known fact that already 'healed' traumas tend to come back for most people. There are also the ones who lie to themselves by lying to other people.

however, some people are truly strong and have a way easier time with certain issues.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Whoever said that clearly has no understanding of those who are not able to daily cope with the trama. Like they have any idea of how anyone feels inside their own head.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

It's hard to tell when someone is really over something. But it's a known fact that already 'healed' traumas tend to come back for most people. There are also the ones who lie to themselves by lying to other people.

however, some people are truly strong and have a way easier time with certain issues.

Yeah, ive heard some things about him from a trusted friend. I think he means well but, these days I have been stepping back and observing him from a distance. In a way I am glad I did.

Whoever said that clearly has no understanding of those who are not able to daily cope with the trama. Like they have any idea of how anyone feels inside their own head.

It makes me wonder. he himself has been through a lot of trauma himself personally, far greater than mine

 

[Squiddy]

I say that any reason that hurts you is enough reason to ctb

 

[Visperidia]

This was something I was told my a life coach friend of mine. I told him extensively about my suicidal thoughts, considering his past with them and his own personal trauma. However, I always felt invalidated by this. Not everyone has the strength to live with trauma. Its not fair was abused by so many people who didn't care. why should I have to force myself to live if I don't want to? Not everyone can do it, and honestly thats ok. I just wish I didn't have to resort to something drastic like getting hit my train, jumping into water, etc.

They're wrong and grasping at straws to make you not do it. I'm not saying I recommend it either but any reason is a good reason to commit suicide because things impact and destroy people differently.

Childhood trauma is real. I have lasting problems due to it, infact what triggered my anxiety was finding my dad after his suicide attempt in my teens. Both my parents were diagnosed with PTSD before they had me and it was hell. My mom beat the ever living shit out of me. I have chronic migraines from being hit in the head too much , so that trauma stays with you in more ways than one. Whether verbal, physical or other, it all can have a deep impact on your soul. There is no shame in knowing that your childhood was traumatic and its okay to feel cheated out of a life by it, sometimes that's the first step to recovery. Good luck.

 

[muffin222]

What a lot of people don't understand is that unprocessed trauma gets "stuck" in the brain and body, and we CAN'T just "move past it" because the brain doesn't even fully recognize that the trauma is in the past

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

They're wrong and grasping at straws to make you not do it. I'm not saying I recommend it either but any reason is a good reason to commit suicide because things impact and destroy people differently.

Childhood trauma is real. I have lasting problems due to it, infact what triggered my anxiety was finding my dad after his suicide attempt in my teens. Both my parents were diagnosed with PTSD before they had me and it was hell. My mom beat the ever living shit out of me. I have chronic migraines from being hit in the head too much , so that trauma stays with you in more ways than one. Whether verbal, physical or other, it all can have a deep impact on your soul. There is no shame in knowing that your childhood was traumatic and its okay to feel cheated out of a life by it, sometimes that's the first step to recovery. Good luck.

I dont think I want to recover. I just want to die and not suffer with he trauma. knowing that I cant look back and say I had a good life. Its fair, and maybe in heaven ill get what I really deserve

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I dont think I want to recover. I just want to die and not suffer with he trauma. knowing that I cant look back and say I had a good life. Its fair, and maybe in heaven ill get what I really deserve

I don't know about heaven, but wherever you end up, I hope it is peaceful. I know that's what I want.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Yes those talks "come on be strong" are dumb. You can be weak why is being weak bad? You may also live hardly dealing with trauma you don't have to be a super hero who fights any obstacle.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Any reason is a valid reason to ctb and irreparable childhood trauma is certainly up there. He's a sh*t life coach if he's faced his own traumas and can't see how hopeless it makes someone feel when they have to live everyday with it. Everyone has their point where they can't cope anymore with the pain and stress. I hope you get what you deserve in heaven

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Statements like that upset me so much...just because someone else can get over something doesn't mean everyone can. I have been told numerous times "well so and so got over it why can't you"?... everyone grieves differently I have decided my trauma is too great to get over and fixing my life will take so much effort I just can't anymore.

 

[Superdeterminist]

HATE it when people try to adjudicate the validity of reasons to ctb. Their opinions are not gospel. ONLY the one suffering can determine how much is too much.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

HATE it when people try to adjudicate the validity of reasons to ctb. Their opinions are not gospel. ONLY the one suffering can determine how much is too much.

Yes, everyone lives in their own private universe, and no one outside of that universe has the right to judge or make decisions for the person who has to live in that universe every day.
Which is why I think banning substances like N or SN, or at least making them very hard to obtain, as well as making euthanasia and assisted suicide illegal is not only immoral but evil.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

What a lot of people don't understand is that unprocessed trauma gets "stuck" in the brain and body, and we CAN'T just "move past it" because the brain doesn't even fully recognize that the trauma is in the past

The body keeps the score, indeed.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Statements like that upset me so much...just because someone else can get over something doesn't mean everyone can. I have been told numerous times "well so and so got over it why can't you"?... everyone grieves differently I have decided my trauma is too great to get over and fixing my life will take so much effort I just can't anymore.

Ugh thissss. Thats what many people fail to understand. When your dealing with trauma, you have to work 1000x harder than the average individual just tome it through the day. So imagine doing therapy and other crap for years, having ot face your trauma over and over. Not everyone is cutout for the that journey. And thats ok

Yes, everyone lives in their own private universe, and no one outside of that universe has the right to judge or make decisions for the person who has to live in that universe every day.
Which is why I think banning substances like N or SN, or at least making them very hard to obtain, as well as making euthanasia and assisted suicide illegal is not only immoral but evil.

Totally. If they don't want people dying then we should have the methods to do so. That way people wont have to take drastic painful measures to escape.

 

[Thin Chew]

This was something I was told my a life coach friend of mine. I told him extensively about my suicidal thoughts, considering his past with them and his own personal trauma. However, I always felt invalidated by this. Not everyone has the strength to live with trauma. Its not fair was abused by so many people who didn't care. why should I have to force myself to live if I don't want to? Not everyone can do it, and honestly thats ok. I just wish I didn't have to resort to something drastic like getting hit my train, jumping into water, etc.

If I told that to my parents, they would definitely laugh or think I'm some stupid weird guy

 

[Good4Nothing]

Childhood trauma is my reason, if I boil it all down to it's essence.
It's what made me who I am. It's what pulls this meat puppet's strings.
It's shaped my psyche, twisted my ego, warped my soul.
Every thought in my head, every emotion I feel, is a product of that trauma.
Every decision I've made, or avoided making, every time I've fought or fled.
The self-loathing, lack of confidence, self abuse, self-destruction, social anxiety, terminal depression...
It can all be traced back to being mistreated or abused as a child.
How do you overcome something that's so ingrained in every fiber of your being that it essentially IS every fiber of your being?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Two people can experience the same thing and for one it is traumatic and for the other it's not. Perhaps for your friend the statement was true, but not for you. You could as easily say to him, 'Childhood trauma causes suicide," which may be true for you, but not for him.

I try when people say things like he did to imagine they added on "for me." Like when people say, "You just have to _______," I try to reframe it as them saying for themselves, "I just have to ______." Otherwise, I fight with the feeling of being offended and wanting to reject/shove off what I feel Iike they're trying to put on me, and that reaction also comes from trauma. And honestly, that coping skill is a cognitive thing but it hasn't conquered the issue for me, it just gives me some distance.

Some people have boundaries such that those kinds of statements ping right off of them (what your friend said or "you just have to"), but I think sometimes it's not a true boundary but unawareness, like your friend is unaware of your pain and it's pinging right off, so when it's brought into their awareness, they make a negating or minimizing statement rather than having compassion for where the other person is coming from, really hearing them and seeing them. Then it's not a boundary, it's armor, and the armor keeps them from being aware. They feel safe, we feel like crap.

What does calm me down just a little bit is talking it out like I am here and recognizing I've done that, too. But I don't know how to recognize that in the moment. If I could, I'd be better able to shrug it off rather than wanting to shove it off. And sometimes when I remember something like that someone said, I want to shove it off all over again, even though I know it's something to shrug off. That's a bit of PTSD I'm experiencing which is causing me to feel like big things are being put on me and keep coming back.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Two people can experience the same thing and for one it is traumatic and for the other it's not. Perhaps for your friend the statement was true, but not for you. You could as easily say to him, 'Childhood trauma causes suicide," which may be true for you, but not for him.

I try when people say things like he did to imagine they added on "for me." Like when people say, "You just have to _______," I try to reframe it as them saying for themselves, "I just have to ______." Otherwise, I fight with the feeling of being offended and wanting to reject/shove off what I feel Iike they're trying to put on me, and that reaction also comes from trauma. And honestly, that coping skill is a cognitive thing but it hasn't conquered the issue for me, it just gives me some distance.

Some people have boundaries such that those kinds of statements ping right off of them (what your friend said or "you just have to"), but I think sometimes it's not a true boundary but unawareness, like your friend is unaware of your pain and it's pinging right off, so when it's brought into their awareness, they make a negating or minimizing statement rather than having compassion for where the other person is coming from, really hearing them and seeing them. Then it's not a boundary, it's armor, and the armor keeps them from being aware. They feel safe, we feel like crap.

What does calm me down just a little bit is talking it out like I am here and recognizing I've done that, too. But I don't know how to recognize that in the moment. If I could, I'd be better able to shrug it off rather than wanting to shove it off. And sometimes when I remember something like that someone said, I want to shove it off all over again, even though I know it's something to shrug off. That's a bit of PTSD I'm experiencing which is causing me to feel like big things are being put on me and keep coming back.

I love this response. Thank you

He and I haven't talked that much since the current pandemic happened. But I am actually afraid of telling him all this. I mean, hes said some thing I disagree with that has me afraid to speak my mind

 

[Life sucks]

Everyone is different and not everyone can overcome childhood traumas. Those past incidents affects the brain and the body even if someone "recovered" and the effects can be subliminal but its there and not non-existent. Personally, I'm not sure, I have depression and pain, also dissociation and memory problems that made me forget almost all of the past and I view the rest as 3rd person as I feel I'm a different person unrelated to the past one. I almost don't remember anything except some parts that are persistent and repetitive. What I know is past is hell and I don't want to know or remember it at all.

Its enough reason for ctb and nobody should be judgmental about it, any reason is valid and its based on the person's experience and not other's opinions. Also pain and the need of ctb isn't a competition, for example, some stuff that people consider normal could be traumatic for someone.

 

[After The End]

I hate when people try to quantify trauma and human suffering. It is always ultimately about dismissing or invalidating it. The thing is even setting aside individual tolerances how we respond to trauma has less to do with what actually happened and more to do with how things go forward.

Let's say Bob was in a terrible car accident. Three of his friends died. He was almost paralyzed. The truck that wiped out his car fled the scene. Jack also had a terrible car accident, but it was much less severe. No one died, and he only broke a few bones. However Bob is a lucky guy with a wealthy, supportive family, and many caring, close friends. His accident even made the local news and there were outpourings of sympathy from random strangers. He immediately went into post-truama counseling. He could afford not working for three months and it wasn't an added cause of stress. Jack on the other hand has no friends, and lost his only job as a result of said accident, which resulted in him losing his lease and having to move back home with his horrible alcoholic mother. He can't afford proper counseling. He can't even afford to replace his written-off clunker of a car. All the entry-level jobs in his area are given to students and non-residents because they can be paid less so he won't be getting a new one anytime soon.

Bob is hailed as a tough survivor who pushed through a tragic event. Jack is a loser. What happened to him wasn't even that bad. He should count himself lucky. He needs to get off welfare and get a job.

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, I don't agree with him.
Freud said that the first 6 years of any human being, define their lives. Every single thing you do, the way you act, and anything else, will be related to those first years and I can see a lot of that whenever I look back and forth at my life.
That doesn't necessarily mean that traumas can't be overcome but, it's hard and not everybody can help us.

 

[XYZ]

In my opinion childhood trauma is the hardest to overcome because as a child you cannot shield yourself in the same way an adult can. A grown up can get help, can reach out, can take steps to cope. As a child you are completely isolated by your helpless. So unless you have an adult you can talk to, you carry that trauma forever. And when I say you, I actually mean I

 

[Linda]

This was something I was told my a life coach friend of mine. I told him extensively about my suicidal thoughts, considering his past with them and his own personal trauma. However, I always felt invalidated by this. Not everyone has the strength to live with trauma. Its not fair was abused by so many people who didn't care. why should I have to force myself to live if I don't want to? Not everyone can do it, and honestly thats ok. I just wish I didn't have to resort to something drastic like getting hit my train, jumping into water, etc.

Tell him that until he has walked a mile in your shoes he should keep his mouth shut.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I would like to hear what is a valid reason to commit suicide according to your friend then.
Because Im pretty sure the kind of abuse I went through, for example (I wont get into details because holy mother of TW) is a valid enough reason for most people to be scarred for life.

Someones lack of empathy is showing.

 

[TAW122]

Everyone is different and not everyone can overcome childhood traumas. Those past incidents affects the brain and the body even if someone "recovered" and the effects can be subliminal but its there and not non-existent. Personally, I'm not sure, I have depression and pain, also dissociation and memory problems that made me forget almost all of the past and I view the rest as 3rd person as I feel I'm a different person unrelated to the past one. I almost don't remember anything except some parts that are persistent and repetitive. What I know is past is hell and I don't want to know or remember it at all.

Its enough reason for ctb and nobody should be judgmental about it, any reason is valid and its based on the person's experience and not other's opinions. Also pain and the need of ctb isn't a competition, for example, some stuff that people consider normal could be traumatic for someone.

Great post, sums up my sentiments really well, especially the last paragraph.

I hate when people try to quantify trauma and human suffering. It is always ultimately about dismissing or invalidating it. The thing is even setting aside individual tolerances how we respond to trauma has less to do with what actually happened and more to do with how things go forward.

Let's say Bob was in a terrible car accident. Three of his friends died. He was almost paralyzed. The truck that wiped out his car fled the scene. Jack also had a terrible car accident, but it was much less severe. No one died, and he only broke a few bones. However Bob is a lucky guy with a wealthy, supportive family, and many caring, close friends. His accident even made the local news and there were outpourings of sympathy from random strangers. He immediately went into post-truama counseling. He could afford not working for three months and it wasn't an added cause of stress. Jack on the other hand has no friends, and lost his only job as a result of said accident, which resulted in him losing his lease and having to move back home with his horrible alcoholic mother. He can't afford proper counseling. He can't even afford to replace his written-off clunker of a car. All the entry-level jobs in his area are given to students and non-residents because they can be paid less so he won't be getting a new one anytime soon.

Bob is hailed as a tough survivor who pushed through a tragic event. Jack is a loser. What happened to him wasn't even that bad. He should count himself lucky. He needs to get off welfare and get a job.

I agree and it's detrimental when people try to compare like that and more so sticking it to the more fortunate (or sometimes less fortunate) person. I'd say just general empathy without the judgment is much better than passing off such judgments about how bad (or less bad) a person's situation is.

 

[DominusWreck]

They're wrong and grasping at straws to make you not do it. I'm not saying I recommend it either but any reason is a good reason to commit suicide because things impact and destroy people differently.

Childhood trauma is real. I have lasting problems due to it, infact what triggered my anxiety was finding my dad after his suicide attempt in my teens. Both my parents were diagnosed with PTSD before they had me and it was hell. My mom beat the ever living shit out of me. I have chronic migraines from being hit in the head too much , so that trauma stays with you in more ways than one. Whether verbal, physical or other, it all can have a deep impact on your soul. There is no shame in knowing that your childhood was traumatic and its okay to feel cheated out of a life by it, sometimes that's the first step to recovery. Good luck.

Yeah, It feels like other people are afraid that you can just let go and Die. That makes their SI kick in. So other people trying to prevent you from ctb is just their externalized fear of their own death.
The program in the brain is desperate for you not to realize how easy it is to let go and Die. How wonderful it would be not to exist.

So to hell all these busy buddy dogoodders who are just extending their SI onto you.