I recently attended one of those suicide intervention (aka pro-life) courses. It brain washed me (or helped me, however you want to look at it) a lil, and I ended up confiding in a friend about my suicide plans and intentions to buy SN (this was the first time I told an in person support in more than 5 years). I felt like I needed to give people the chance to help since I didn't want it to come as a surprise if I ctb. I was hoping it would relieve her of some guilt. I feel vulnerable and out in the open now. I don't know whether I want to live or die, and I hate that I'm leaning more towards live right now.
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 48,329
At least the option of leaving is always there if you decide that life is not for you. Nobody should have to feel trapped in this world with no way out, we deserve the option to decide what is right for ourselves. I wish you the best.
That's true. I guess I can always revert back to it if things don't improve and I've tried everything I can. It's odd feeling to have your mind changed when you thought you were for sure about something. I 100% thought my friend would be better off without me, but I guess that was a false belief. Now I'm working on coming to terms with that.
I always enjoy your posts btw, you always bring such an open perspective.
Maudlin
Specialist
- Dec 10, 2021
- 355
There's nothing wrong with living. It's the default state we're in.
There's no shame in it.
leeloosnow
Warlock
- Aug 28, 2022
- 725
that takes a lot to tell someone irl about it. my circumstances i'm pretty sure i'd either get pro-life'd or not taken seriously. i have hinted around it, even said it sometimes but again i think ppl brushed it off as me being pissed, which is true, but its so much more than that. one thing i've considered in my own ctb is that is a choice i can't take back. life, on the other hand.... well. i can always ctb. that being said, def gonna line it up for the best outcome either way, just in case. life shouldn't be something i'm "locked into", neither should ctb, that's y i'm trying to make really really sure. had some stuff happen this week that again delayed my plans, then a commitment i now have that's gonna make it harder.
i hope the people around you treat you with respect and compassion, and that you're... more than just content, but someday happy with whatever your plans are <3
Hirokami
Out of order
- Feb 21, 2021
- 607
A successful attempt isn't reversible, so it's imperative to consider other avenues if you're having second thoughts. It's also good you are receiving help and have the support of your friend. I wish you the best in your endeavors and hope for the best.
Thank you, all of you, for your amazing support and reassurance
. I've felt so at home and accepted on this forum, even when my thoughts are all over the place. I need friends like people here irl, you guys are so understanding and kind. Keep your heads high, and keep being amazing humans. 
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