Discussion Celebrity suicides and grief

[deadbidaylight]

I'm embarrassed to be even writing this, but it's not something I can really discuss with friends or family as they just don't understand. I'm hoping someone can validate that what I'm feeling isn't totally insane.

This isn't new news. In fact, he's been gone for 7 years now. It was widely publicized. Anyone who knows music, knows that Chester Bennington CTB via hanging in 2017. I've been a lifelong fan of Linkin Park, right back to the days of Hybrid Theory being released. Their music has gotten me through so many dark times in my life, and continue to do so.

My issue is, I cannot seem to move past the grief of Chester's passing. I think about it daily. I still cry about it at least once a week, if not more. There are certain songs that I can't listen to without completely breaking down. I feel like a big piece of my heart is missing knowing that he's really gone and there is nothing left. That I will never get to experience seeing him perform live, and that I will never again hear new music with his voice again.

It has gotten to the point where I have contemplated suicide in the same manner he did. Not necessarily *because* he did, but more so because if someone who had as much love and light as he did couldn't make it in the world, why should I think I can? This is where the suicide contagion topic comes into play (my earlier post). Why do I feel such an immense sadness over someone who I've never met and didn't know I even existed? I am so ashamed that I can be affected this greatly over someone famous who's been gone for so many years. I just want to be able to move on, and I can't seem to. I'm a grown ass woman, a mother, a partner. Why can't I get my shit together and carry on?

 

[bobblong]

*Sends hugs virtually . There's nothing wrong with you , maybe you sympathized with him(Chester) deep down . But it's ok now , you have a family , and their smiles and happiness will be your saving grace.

You are luckier than most, a beautiful woman with no disabilities, and a loving family awaits you home.
Don't ever give up.

 

[The_Hunter]

I had no idea Linkin Park's lead singer died from suicide. My most heartfelt of regards to his beautiful soul & voice.

I just want to add another remarkable musician who has experienced deep depths of suffering, Dan Barrett, from Have A Nice Life. Deathconsciousness's album cover is my profile picture, you may have noticed. He has spoken on his struggles with deep depression, as well. "Practical Notes on Depression From a Semi-Famously Depressed Person" is an article he wrote. (I'm actually listening to Deep, Deep [from Deathconsciousness] right now [at the time of writing], haha!)

I just want to say, that I too, have had similar thoughts of "how could I make it--how could I end up getting through this [because I feel I can't & don't have it in me]". Your post reminded me of this section from Metanoia's (excellent) small collection of articles on suicide. Have it here.

No one outside of us, nor we ourselves, can accurately determine our risk for dying by suicide. It cannot be determined on the basis of attempts we have or have not made, and it cannot be determined by totaling up the number of our warning sign conditions.

Consider two people who smoke the same number of cigarettes for the same number of years. At age 40 one of them gets cancer and dies. We are like the survivor. For each of us there is someone who had problems similar to ours who is now dead from suicide. Like the survivor, we have a life-endangering condition. The longer it lasts and the worse it gets, the greater the likelihood that we will die.

People who survive unhurt from horrible car accidents, get mild heart attacks, or are threatened by violence from others, are people who have been in serious life-threatening situations.

—Suicidal thoughts: how serious is our condition? | https://metanoia.org/suicide/serious.htm

 

[deadbidaylight]

*Sends hugs virtually . There's nothing wrong with you , maybe you sympathized with him(Chester) deep down . But it's ok now , you have a family , and their smiles and happiness will be your saving grace.

You are luckier than most, a beautiful woman with no disabilities, and a loving family awaits you home.
Don't ever give up.

This has to be one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you for that. It brought tears to my eyes.

 

[The_Hunter]

In a way some of the most deepest & heartfelt parts of Chester live on in his music, his music felt in your soul; so, in a way, Chester lives on through the people who feel his art firsthand, such as you. May his memory be a blessing <3

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

Don't think it's weird at all. I feel the same way about Chris Cornell. Hell, also Kurt Cobain and I wasn't born until the year after

 

[Forever Sleep]

I remember when David Bowie died and there was this psychology woman on the radio saying how 'wrong' it was that total strangers were grieving. I really hate that attitude though. Music, songs and singers can be terrific coping mechanisms for us. They can feel a part of our lives. I don't see why we should have to feel guilty for what we feel- unless we are hurting others.

I think emotions are complex things. Especially if we aren't lucky enough to receive the love and support we needed from our families or, we go through some kind of trauma, it makes sense to me that we go looking elsewhere for comfort and understanding. I don't think it's uncommon either. Think of the amount of people who get obsessed by TV shows or film franchises.

 

[J&L383]

Don't think it's weird at all. I feel the same way about Chris Cornell. Hell, also Kurt Cobain and I wasn't born until the year after

Me too, those two, and so many others.