Of course, I didn't think. Your babies will enjoy Halloween xxxx
Will they be ok with that arrangement though? I know you said the closest one to you would literally kill himself if you were to die, so how would separation affect him? Also, I know that you said that he's narcisstic enough to not just dump them once he feels like he's won against you, but would he treat them as a father would? This guy just comes across as the biggest scummiest piece of shit and just thinking of them being treated terribly is just sad. If you feel that I prying far to much, don't respond, I don't want to push too far.
I think he is starting to understand that just taking them won't really get them, but he just won't work with me to facilitate compromise and civility. I encourage him to be their dad, but in a way that isn't just taking them from the person that's been their caregiver their whole life. I don't know what he is going to do... he said he will leave them with me, but its either all him or all me in his mind. I don't understand why we can't just work together for the common good. I don't want to "win" as he put it... There is no winning this. It changes every few days, and I'm too scared to ever feel comfortable since I know how this cycle works.
In other words, be someone who takes their feelings into consideration and be someone who shows that he want's to experience their well being instead of seeing them as a tool to injure the other party. From how you've described him, that's all I could see him treating them as, a tool to win, something that's pretty common with narcissism. I agree, work together with you since ultimately its bigger than him, it's the kids in the middle that have to deal with the stress and trauma. You know it's funny, since he's already been an ass to report you to the police with the "evidence" that he read through, it should be clear to him that you're not trying to win, you're trying to do your best for your children. Also this just popped into my head, but we had a friend who was in a similar situation, abusive ex, trying to get custody, wouldn't let her leave the state, and ultimately her solution was to buy a rv, and essentially took it to texas and lived in a campground where she could get by on the low cost of renting a space until they were old enough to do what they wanted to do. This way she avoided being homeless so that dhs wouldn't take her kids, and she had something stable, even it was only an rv.
I'm honestly too tired to fight him on it. I won't fight the court stuff. I'll let him either do the actual right thing for the kids, or assert his control. I just don't have it in me anymore. Getting ready for the party 2 days ago showed me I can go through with the celebration and be fine. I didn't have the party since the baby was here, but I would have. I don't have any fight left in me.... I'm hoping he understands this now.
It really does. I empathize with your situation so mugh.
Thank you for checking in. This lease will be in place until September, and beyond that I don't make 2.5x the rent landlord demand in order to rent without a co-sign. Looks like I know when it will be time to start a new adventure.
In his mind he is... Him having an apartment and a place for the kids to see him in his own space, and him have enough to live on is top priority. That's the problem with narcissistic thinking, they are most important. I've been primary caregiver the kids whole lives. He is important as their dad, but it's not the same as them having me. They need me, and it's really sad how this is all likely to turn out.
