Causing grief to family

[heavysoul]

I came across a TikTok about a mom sharing her experience of the day her child died (not from suicide, from medical issues) and it just broke me. I've been watching some of her videos about her grief and I can't believe I'm gonna do this to my mom, my family, and any other loved ones. I feel like I need to do this for my own sake and I've processed my reasons in my note, along with a section about how sorry I am and how I recognize the grief my suicide will cause.
But yeah, other people's grief is the main thing that may hold me back because I feel awful inflicting that pain on my loved ones.

 

[inverse-weibull]

You've perfectly summed up my thoughts, better than I could ever write them. I feel so much guilt about it at times. Working on writing my notes has been really agonizing. At the end of the day, some things are just inevitable (or at least that's what I tell myself to take away some of the pain). I hope you're able to find your peace, whatever form it might take.

 

[heavysoul]

You've perfectly summed up my thoughts, better than I could ever write them. I feel so much guilt about it at times. Working on writing my notes has been really agonizing. At the end of the day, some things are just inevitable (or at least that's what I tell myself to take away some of the pain). I hope you're able to find your peace, whatever form it might take.

I feel you and I agree. I basically wrote exactly that about inevitability in my note; I described how suicidality feels akin to a highly addictive drug— after just one taste, you crave it for the rest of your life. And I haven't attempted in the past, but I have had an impulsive overdose so I feel like with my strong suicidal thoughts and my impulsivity combined, committing suicide is inevitable for me.