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lovelypirategirl

lovelypirategirl

I'm not ok, I'm just good at pretending I am
Mar 22, 2020
39
Hi SS,

Long time, no see. It's been a couple of years since last time I logged in in here, but I guess this feeling never really goes away.

I'm back again in a depression hole, it's so bad that it physically hurts. I feel a void in my chest and in my insides, that is gut-wrenching. I just want to stop it. I wish I would never feel it again, but I know that inevitably, sooner or later, it always comes back.

I wish I could die. Right now. I wish a lightning would strike me and kills me instantly. I wish I would get a mysterious diseases that takes my life in a couple of days.

I just don't want to kill myself. I don't want my family to go through the pain, trauma and stigma of dealing with me taking my own life. I just hate being in this position... is there a way to cause your own death without people suspecting that you actually were the one behind it?
 
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Sleeper System

Sleeper System

Z z Z z Z z Z z Z z Z
May 5, 2022
894
Hi SS,

Long time, no see. It's been a couple of years since last time I logged in in here, but I guess this feeling never really goes away.

I'm back again in a depression hole, it's so bad that it physically hurts. I feel a void in my chest and in my insides, that is gut-wrenching. I just want to stop it. I wish I would never feel it again, but I know that inevitably, sooner or later, it always comes back.

I wish I could die. Right now. I wish a lightning would strike me and kills me instantly. I wish I would get a mysterious diseases that takes my life in a couple of days.

I just don't want to kill myself. I don't want my family to go through the pain, trauma and stigma of dealing with me taking my own life. I just hate being in this position... is there a way to cause your own death without people suspecting that you actually were the one behind it?
Making it look like an accident is the best way to achieve your goal. I would say something like recording yourself drinking in a hotel and playing on the ledge drunk then accidently slipping off. Also having made later plans so its more evident that you didn't intend to be losing your life in that moment.
 
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Abandoned Phantom

Abandoned Phantom

Member
Oct 3, 2025
51
This was my intention. My first attempt, I crashed my car into a freeway overpass. There werent gaurdrails on the one I chose, I thought it was perfect! I woke up in the hospital, where I stayed for about a month. Nobody, not a single soul (other than a therapist I talked to for a couples months) knows what happened that night. I was really hoping a car "accident" would be seen as that. Just a horrible accident.
I really wish I knew what happened that night. I don't remember a thing! Did SI intervene? Was my plan flawed from the beginning? I was hoping to ease the pain, ever so slightly. But in the end, I think the pain of attempt 2 will be so much worse. Not only will everyone know about round two, some will be informed about attempt 1.
For months now I have been wishing that I would develop a bloodclot that makes its way to my brain, or something. Or a random stroke. I wish somehow, I could go to sleep and not wake up. If there was any way I could die, without it being suicide, I would.
 
F

Forveleth

I knew I forgot to do something when I was 15...
Mar 26, 2024
3,075
People ask about making it look like an accident all the time. The answer is, unfortunately, there really is not a good answer. Most accidental deaths are freak accidents that are very difficult to purposefully achieve. A few that could overlap are drowning or a fentanyl OD, but either may be difficult for you to achieve. Humans are built for survival and it annoyingly takes some carefully planned action to get rid of us.
 
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nendn

I will only react to constructive suggestions
Nov 23, 2025
9
I'm back again in a depression hole, it's so bad that it physically hurts. I feel a void in my chest and in my insides, that is gut-wrenching. I just want to stop it. I wish I would never feel it again, but I know that inevitably, sooner or later, it always comes back.
I Feel exactly the same in "never time"
 
2

2minutes2ctb

Member
Feb 24, 2025
49
Hey there,
I was in a similar situation at the beginning of the year when for the first time in my life I experienced suicidal thoughts. They would fade away for some time but always come back like a boomerang.
I ended up with the following possible methods but they all come with their list of cons :
- car crash > not a guaranteed as mentioned above, too many variables and material damage, I quickly gave up on the idea ;
- falling from a cliff > I used to go hiking quite often, so it's rather plausible but choosing a spot comes with its lots of doubts (height, ground, …) and it seems brutal ;
- drowning > living on an island, drowning incidents happen every month, some are deadly, some other not. But again, it's far to be pleasant with the risk of ending up in the local news.
- swb > I opted for this one but didn't manage to "make it happen". Many people unfortunately died from it in an accidental way, it's pretty well documented.
That's all I could think about, but I'll keep on searching.
 

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