Story Caught that my long distance boyfriend was looking up escorts on Google! I feel so devastated 😭 Can't take this anymore 😭

[Misery99]

My long distance boyfriend lives in another country and early this year, he came to visit me and my family. He promised to marry me and took my virginity.He even put a ring on my finger to symbolize that he would marry me.He was my first kiss and my first sexual experience and everything.We have an email address that we both use and I logged in to it and saw in search history that he had been looking up escorts on Google. He had been specially searching for a website called SkipTheGames which is apparently a website where you can contact escorts. I feel devastated. I thought that he was my savior because he pretended like a nice guy. Even my parents were fooled by his acting. Lately he has been texting me less and less often. Earlier in our relationship, he used to text me all the time. Now he sleeps unusually long times as he claims. He claimed once or twice that there's nothing wrong with a man having several affairs with other women even if he is married as it's how men were programmed to be by nature.He said that only women are wrong if they are cheating and not men.

 

[Rayzieka]

Wow that's absolutely devastating... And to do it on an account you shared. I'm so sorry. Have you confronted him?
And to say it's ok for men and not for woman, or for anyone at all without telling their partner is very terrible.

 

[liberty_222]

I'm so sorry love, i too thought I'd lose my virginity to my long distance boyfriend but he broke up because he wanted intimacy and sex and closeness and whatnot and he couldn't handle long distance. I ended up losing my virginity in a business transaction despite a history of rape bringing back my trauma. I'm so sorry for you. We deserved better.

 

[RainAndSadness]

As someone who has been the victim of abusive and manipulative relationships in the past, I'd say drop him and run. These types of relationships, especially when they're long-distance, don't lead anywhere. Save yourself a lot of emotional pain and trauma and leave as quickly as possible.

 

[Sanva]

I'm so sorry. I had an ex cheat on me and I know how much that hurts. Just know you're worth more than that. You didn't ask for advice in your post so feel free to ignore this but I would say don't accept behaviour like this, you could confront him about it if you think that would help you, but something like this should be a dealbreaker. I learned that men who do things like that just won't change, no matter how much they say they will. You deserve better.
Again, I'm sorry. Whenever I start something that could become a relationship with a guy I put all my hopes in him and think he's gonna save me and I won't want to ctb anymore. I fantasize about our perfect life together and start getting hope for the future. It never works out and it always hurts.

 

[Misery99]

Wow that's absolutely devastating... And to do it on an account you shared. I'm so sorry. Have you confronted him?
And to say it's ok for men and not for woman, or for anyone at all without telling their partner is very terrible.

I think he didn't think that I would find out. I think nowadays he's using his own email account. That search history was from June. So that's exactly like one month after his visit. When we talk on the phone he used to tell me how much he loves me but that was all a lie.I think he even has profiles on dating sites where he chase other women.Since few days, I notice that he doesn't text me as much as he was before. Maybe he found another girl from a dating site and calling or having video chat with her. And no I didn't confront him. I think he would deny it even if I confronted him.

 

[rationalis]

He claimed once or twice that there's nothing wrong with a man having several affairs with other women even if he is married as it's how men were programmed to be by nature.He said that only women are wrong if they are cheating and not men.

At least he is honest about his lack of values.

 

[lonewolf22]

My long distance boyfriend lives in another country and early this year, he came to visit me and my family. He promised to marry me and took my virginity.He even put a ring on my finger to symbolize that he would marry me.He was my first kiss and my first sexual experience and everything.We have an email address that we both use and I logged in to it and saw in search history that he had been looking up escorts on Google. He had been specially searching for a website called SkipTheGames which is apparently a website where you can contact escorts. I feel devastated. I thought that he was my savior because he pretended like a nice guy. Even my parents were fooled by his acting. Lately he has been texting me less and less often. Earlier in our relationship, he used to text me all the time. Now he sleeps unusually long times as he claims. He claimed once or twice that there's nothing wrong with a man having several affairs with other women even if he is married as it's how men were programmed to be by nature.He said that only women are wrong if they are cheating and not men.

He isn't entirely incorrect in his claim that men are hardwired to propagate their DNA by seeking out multiple partners in order to spread their seed far and wide. Where he's completely wrong is in his ludicrously stupid and poor attempt of justifying cheating by excusing men from any kind of culpability because of "natural programming". Well by that token, women are also naturally programmed to seek out a father that will commit to her off-spring, not someone else's!

 

[Interloper]

That's just how men are.

 

[NumbItAll]

He claimed once or twice that there's nothing wrong with a man having several affairs with other women even if he is married as it's how men were programmed to be by nature.He said that only women are wrong if they are cheating and not men.

How convenient for him... sounds like someone who is really concerned about others' feelings.

 

[YourNeighbor]

On the bright side -- you found out that this man is not worth pursuing a future with well before being trapped in what would have likely been (at least emotionally) an abusive marriage, possibly with children. Most people go through several failed relationships before finding their partner, and even those can fail.

Even though it hurts now, it is much better that you found out sooner than later. Sometimes a painful experience can be good and avoid worse problems in the future (like having bad wisdom teeth pulled out before they destroy other teeth).

 

[4eyebiped]

The reality is both sides of the fence cheat. It isn't a man or woman only problem. Both sides typically have different reasons for doing so, along with their own personal attempts at justifying it, but both sides do it.

It is already difficult enough to find a good relationship and bad experiences on both sides further complicate it. You run into what you have already see here where someone says all men do this or all women do that. No, we are still all unique individuals, but I understand that pain leads you to think that. It is disheartening but humans in general have their many flaws and I would argue that certain parts of the modern world exacerbates this but that's another discussion. In short these bad experiences can cause life long trust issues, assumption issues, perception issues and in the end great relationship get missed out on. I have even seen cases where one side becomes so paranoid thinking the other side is going to cheat that they do it as a pre-revenge. Toxic stuff. No idea, why they were still in that relationship to begin with.

All I can say is no, not any one group is a specific way. You may find higher rates of specific activities, but it is never global. I don't have a cure all here but I would recommend to only be in relationships where you feel you can openly communicate and express your needs, wants and desires. Communication is absolutely key. Be in relationships where you feel the other side respects you, values you and listens to you. You are valuable and anything short of what I said isn't acceptable. While compromise in a relationship is important, it isn't when concerning how well you are treated. If there are major trust issues, and communication doesn't clear it up, then perhaps you should move on as distrust is a festering wound. I could ramble on and on but I won't torture you like that.

Much love to you all and maybe some of us will get lucky enough to find that one amazing person who fits oh so comfortably in our arms at night.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

He claimed once or twice that there's nothing wrong with a man having several affairs with other women even if he is married as it's how men were programmed to be by nature.He said that only women are wrong if they are cheating and not men.

These are red flags and signs of scum and manipulative behaviour. I would like to read the rest of the thread and replies but I'm really sorry for your situation. You're extremely brave for posting here, there are plenty of vulnerable people that might need to see this.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people can be very cruel and awful. I'm sorry you are going through this, no one should be treated like that. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[blueclover_.]

He isn't entirely incorrect in his claim that men are hardwired to propagate their DNA by seeking out multiple partners in order to spread their seed far and wide. Where he's completely wrong is in his ludicrously stupid and poor attempt of justifying cheating by excusing men from any kind of culpability because of "natural programming". Well by that token, women are also naturally programmed to seek out a father that will commit to her off-spring, not someone else's!

Most. Not all. There will always be exceptions. Just like not all women have maternal instincts, not all men are driven by their animalistic urge to play the numbers game and procreate like such low being bacterias.

 

[Starryeyes]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It happened to me too. My ex was looking up escorts on various sites. Joined a sex dating site. Some men /women are vile.

 

[…juulpod…]

That's just how men are. They don't care about feelings, they only care about lust. I'm so sorry love, i too thought I'd lose my virginity to my long distance boyfriend but he broke up because he wanted intimacy and sex and closeness and whatnot and he couldn't handle long distance. I ended up losing my virginity in a business transaction despite a history of rape bringing back my trauma. I'm so sorry for you. We deserved better.

This is awful. Thinking of you

 

[Someone123]

My long distance boyfriend lives in another country and early this year, he came to visit me and my family. He promised to marry me and took my virginity.He even put a ring on my finger to symbolize that he would marry me.He was my first kiss and my first sexual experience and everything.We have an email address that we both use and I logged in to it and saw in search history that he had been looking up escorts on Google. He had been specially searching for a website called SkipTheGames which is apparently a website where you can contact escorts. I feel devastated. I thought that he was my savior because he pretended like a nice guy. Even my parents were fooled by his acting. Lately he has been texting me less and less often. Earlier in our relationship, he used to text me all the time. Now he sleeps unusually long times as he claims. He claimed once or twice that there's nothing wrong with a man having several affairs with other women even if he is married as it's how men were programmed to be by nature.He said that only women are wrong if they are cheating and not men.

He doesn't realize that the best way to be happy is to fall in love and to be monogamous- most people do this because it works best in a person's life. I don't think he was pretending- I think a part of his personality is a nice guy, but part of his personality is just so off track. You deserve better and need to break up and find a guy who values monogamy- men are definitely not programmed this way by nature- they may be programmed by nature to notikce beauty in more than one woman, as women are programmed to notice beauty in more than one man, but this doesn't mean that going this far with it is how men are programmed- it will probably take years to see how wrong he is, if he ever sees it. Being with a prostitute is nothing like being with someone you are in love with- on some level I feel sorry for him that he has gotten so far off track compared to having real happiness from being in love, but I feel more sorry for you because you did nothing to deserve this. I still think you weren't fooled by thinking he was a nice guy, I think part of his personality is a nice guy, and part of his personality has gotten off track as far as how to get real happiness.

That's just how men are. They don't care about feelings, they only care about lust. I'm so sorry love, i too thought I'd lose my virginity to my long distance boyfriend but he broke up because he wanted intimacy and sex and closeness and whatnot and he couldn't handle long distance. I ended up losing my virginity in a business transaction despite a history of rape bringing back my trauma. I'm so sorry for you. We deserved better.

The majority of men value monogamy and are faithful to their partners, at least among the people I know- I am very confident of this. So you can find someone who wants monogamy, though he may occassionally notice that other women are attractive, that's treu, but that doesn't mean he wants anything other than monogamy at all.

 

[lostmyself]

He sounds like a real POS. Unbelievable he used your joint account too. Can you imagine what else he is doing. Dump him you deserve better.

 

[Misery99]

That's just how men are. They don't care about feelings, they only care about lust. I'm so sorry love, i too thought I'd lose my virginity to my long distance boyfriend but he broke up because he wanted intimacy and sex and closeness and whatnot and he couldn't handle long distance. I ended up losing my virginity in a business transaction despite a history of rape bringing back my trauma. I'm so sorry for you. We deserved better.

Yes you are right All the men I met when trying online dating are jerks and only wanted sex and no serious relationship with me. For my own unluckiness, I seem to only attract those type of men. I don't go out so my only way of interacting with men was online. I thought that this guy whom I ended up losing my virginity was a good guy because he played the role of nice guy well. He never asked me for nude pictures or anything inappropriate and he sent flowers and gifts to me and my family. So my family members also thought that he was a nice guy because he had also told about me to his parents. The moment I lost virginity to him felt like it was forced because he didn't even give any pleasure to me. He was selfish when we did it. He was also careful to not tell me about his views on justifying men's cheating until he took my virginity. So yes he was a manipulative liar. I bet this wasn't his first time and he has had sex with many escorts before. I'm sorry to hear that you went through the same thing I feel like my only escape is CTB now. I tried to stay alive but terrible things happen to me always. I'm done with my miserable life

 

[Onkyo74893]

Misery, I hope you're not wanting to ctb just because you feel you can't find a good guy. Most people, myself included, want to ctb due to multiple issues. A medical event I had to deal with several months ago left me severely depressed. It made me realize suddenly that I'm no longer middle aged, I'm in the early phase of old age. And taking stock of my life, I made far more mistakes than most people. If you're young, give it time. There's lot's of good guys out there.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

That's just how men are. They don't care about feelings, they only care about lust. I'm so sorry love, i too thought I'd lose my virginity to my long distance boyfriend but he broke up because he wanted intimacy and sex and closeness and whatnot and he couldn't handle long distance. I ended up losing my virginity in a business transaction despite a history of rape bringing back my trauma. I'm so sorry for you. We deserved better.

That's Not how Men are! Some of us have standards and Moral values and would never behave that way towards Women! Yes there are some low-life Sewer Rats who would behave in that dispicable way to females But don't tar us all with the same brush!

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I'd tell you while I don't have an answer, I hope in due time you will have got over the pain he's caused you. I assume like most, breaking up and leaving him dumped is fully justified in this situation. He has outright shallow emotions he's been hiding from the start. If his physical need led him to doing what he did, I believe he would have persevered, because emotional connection would be stronger towards you.

For a future occurrence, I suggest to you, to be more proactive and outspoken with guys. This way they will explicitly know even if your relationship wanes, you won't be standing around tolerating such awfully shallow, idiotic behaviour. I mention that as a best intention, despite and because of the impression you seem easy to hurt, which is fine, but shouldn't leave you vulnerable to such treatment.



Yes, but we never get any because we are weak. Women judge men by attractiveness as shown. If a good looking, rich man was dating and seen doing it, other women would see his as attractive, because they see another woman date him and would assume it's safe to do so as well.

I think we do unconsciously a similar trick with a current girlfriend (never had one but still). Don't we judge by what their mother is what traits or behaviour her daughter may have in common and consider accordingly how it suits us? There is a little truth to "daughters somewhat resemble their mothers especially with aging".

'Women' are Not weak' They are stronger than they realise, Any man worth his salt knows that the most Dangerous creature on the planet is a threatened mother!

 

[callme]

'Women' are Not weak' They are stronger than they realise, Any man worth his salt knows that the most Dangerous creature on the planet is a threatened mother!

They are, indeed. I was speaking on behalf of men actually. Ackshually.

I meant to say that men who usually have values and morals towards women are usually perceived as weak, not typically seen as desirable etc. But that's different to what you read, sorry if it was misleading.

You have a right about mothers. It's completely incomorehensible to me as a man as to what mothers feel, it's too strong and ingrained.