puffinmowmow
Member
- Oct 29, 2023
- 20
hey there, puffin here.
just got out of the shower and thought I'd visit this site again after months of staying away because....I dont really know why I'm doing it. Guess I'm looking for attention.in some weird way. took a bunch of my anxiety meds they seem to at least calm me down a bit. and they make me tired. which I enjoy a lot not gonna lie. Not giving advice here but its very very easy to get and theres like almost no risk PLUS if youre not taking it all day every day you wont even feel shitty when quitting it. fun stuff.
maybe it just helps cuz i am not really having anxiety issues, like at least not in a way thats like an issue. i mean they are an issue,a great issue that has driven me to be on here, but its my own fault. i know where it all originates. did what i did. lmao. just finding excuses i think. WELL ACTUALLY its so cluttered that I think i'm at the point of not knowing anymore really so thats....good? bad? dunno its too late anyways i guess haha.
I have horrible mood swings. I am trying to achieve so much, yet i cant stick to a plan to achieve goals. I know i can, but im just too rotten to really get my shit together. monkey brain wants short term success.
shit i had so many possibilities and i cut off my own leg lmfao. its so sad. so sad. just because i am like i am.
I dont even know where to begin. work used to be fun but it turned out to be shit. but i need that job. cuz i exchanged my car for a shitbox, got mods for it, but it ended up just being a huge waste of money. now im like in debt AND dont have a car really. Well it runs, but i dont know for how long. sucks. I really ran my life into shits. its not just the car its a number of unnecessary step downs, bad decisions.
ah yea mood swings. it all went so bad when the anxieties first showed up, that i was so bad that i felt very energetic and erratic. i feel very bad, and then very very good for a couple of minutes, then i wanna just kms again the next moment.
ideally, i can achieve a few things before i finally go in like october this year i think. i should be able to bridge the summer, but the winter depression will hit and it will hit hard, and i dont wanna survive something like that again. I'd legit just leave before.
I wanna do some sports, eat more or less healthy, maybe even drop a few pounds (some say I am okay like i am already but its not enough for me. i wanna at least experience being at least skinny once in my life. I'd say I am normal when it comes to my body. i dont even look that bad imo. i know its just me hating myself, but objectively i think i am mid range good looking lmao.) and get a season ticket for the public swimming pool, to cool off after work. then when october comes (need to set a date still), I wanna follow the sn protocol. I got sn in february, but none of the meds recommended. need to do some digging first i think. btw any suggestions to get the needed stuff in germany?
I am just so torn. I love my mom. I love my sister. I do have a boyfriend, yet i think he doesnt rreeeeally care, cuz its that sort of internet relationship. we met on new years eve at a convention (I'm a furry) but its like....i have issues and they overshadow everything. I am a narcissistic, insecure fuck, and it shows. I cant feel genuine about it all. this is how I do all thing it seems. i rush it, and regret it, suffer, and then explode eventually, and make another bad decision.
my dad died years ago. hope i dont meet him. i dont want him to know that i killed myself, yet i have a hunch that he would understand.
so yea. until then its work, fixing the car, drawing furry arts, maybe making a buck on the side to help things out. then in autumn it should be okay to leave.
feel free to beep me or reply if u can relate in some way. I just turned 24 if that matters to u.
just got out of the shower and thought I'd visit this site again after months of staying away because....I dont really know why I'm doing it. Guess I'm looking for attention.in some weird way. took a bunch of my anxiety meds they seem to at least calm me down a bit. and they make me tired. which I enjoy a lot not gonna lie. Not giving advice here but its very very easy to get and theres like almost no risk PLUS if youre not taking it all day every day you wont even feel shitty when quitting it. fun stuff.
maybe it just helps cuz i am not really having anxiety issues, like at least not in a way thats like an issue. i mean they are an issue,a great issue that has driven me to be on here, but its my own fault. i know where it all originates. did what i did. lmao. just finding excuses i think. WELL ACTUALLY its so cluttered that I think i'm at the point of not knowing anymore really so thats....good? bad? dunno its too late anyways i guess haha.
I have horrible mood swings. I am trying to achieve so much, yet i cant stick to a plan to achieve goals. I know i can, but im just too rotten to really get my shit together. monkey brain wants short term success.
shit i had so many possibilities and i cut off my own leg lmfao. its so sad. so sad. just because i am like i am.
I dont even know where to begin. work used to be fun but it turned out to be shit. but i need that job. cuz i exchanged my car for a shitbox, got mods for it, but it ended up just being a huge waste of money. now im like in debt AND dont have a car really. Well it runs, but i dont know for how long. sucks. I really ran my life into shits. its not just the car its a number of unnecessary step downs, bad decisions.
ah yea mood swings. it all went so bad when the anxieties first showed up, that i was so bad that i felt very energetic and erratic. i feel very bad, and then very very good for a couple of minutes, then i wanna just kms again the next moment.
ideally, i can achieve a few things before i finally go in like october this year i think. i should be able to bridge the summer, but the winter depression will hit and it will hit hard, and i dont wanna survive something like that again. I'd legit just leave before.
I wanna do some sports, eat more or less healthy, maybe even drop a few pounds (some say I am okay like i am already but its not enough for me. i wanna at least experience being at least skinny once in my life. I'd say I am normal when it comes to my body. i dont even look that bad imo. i know its just me hating myself, but objectively i think i am mid range good looking lmao.) and get a season ticket for the public swimming pool, to cool off after work. then when october comes (need to set a date still), I wanna follow the sn protocol. I got sn in february, but none of the meds recommended. need to do some digging first i think. btw any suggestions to get the needed stuff in germany?
I am just so torn. I love my mom. I love my sister. I do have a boyfriend, yet i think he doesnt rreeeeally care, cuz its that sort of internet relationship. we met on new years eve at a convention (I'm a furry) but its like....i have issues and they overshadow everything. I am a narcissistic, insecure fuck, and it shows. I cant feel genuine about it all. this is how I do all thing it seems. i rush it, and regret it, suffer, and then explode eventually, and make another bad decision.
my dad died years ago. hope i dont meet him. i dont want him to know that i killed myself, yet i have a hunch that he would understand.
so yea. until then its work, fixing the car, drawing furry arts, maybe making a buck on the side to help things out. then in autumn it should be okay to leave.
feel free to beep me or reply if u can relate in some way. I just turned 24 if that matters to u.
