Discussion caring less about money when suicidal

[bleedxi]

does anyone else give less shits when it comes to spending money while being suicidal as fuck?

i've spent around 2k over the last week on dumb shit but i don't even care. i buy my friends expensive presents that i wouldn't otherwise, or 'forget' about being paid back with money i'm owed – because why the fuck should i care if i'm killing myself? i actually get annoyed/frustrated when people do care about it, since to me, it seems so pointless a thing to worry about.

things i've spent money on recently:
- i'm flying across the world for a friend's wedding and spending a week overseas
- booked an interstate weekend getaway for my friends and i to celebrate my birthday
- self-funding a zine i'm putting together (commissioning, photoshoots, distribution)
- buying crypto for DN purposes

and guess what? none of it fucking matters because what am i going to use money for if im dead? ヽ(^o^) i want to spend time with my friends and travel and have a perfect last birthday, and now i can!

it feels freeing! this whole year i would have complete breakdowns over buying/renting, finding a place to live, supporting myself, finding a big girl job that didn't make me want to kms, and doing capitalism for the next 70 years of my life – but knowing i will ctb in a few months makes all the anxiety disappear!

i still want enough money to my name so that it can go to my parents, but it's nice not being able to worry about it anymore ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

am i crazy for thinking like this?

 

[Greasyhair]

Haha, I am the opposite. Mostly because I don't know specific time of my exit, only the time frame. But I am also afraid if my bravery breaks and I end up destitute afterwards etc, and I want to surprise those who were good to me in life by leaving them last gift.

You picked good choice to spend money. So good they don't even betray you lack of care. Even if someone was going to tell me your list blind :)

 

[JesiBel]

I can relate, you made me smile reading you (I love your Usagi profile picture, she brings back good memories)

As long as it's not compulsive or addictive behavior and you run out of money for your daily needs, I don't think it's a bad thing.

If it makes you happy or enjoy life a little more, I think it's worth it.

 

[58Alice85]

This makes sense doesn't it, if you know you are going to die, why would you care about your long-term financial needs?
Terminally ill people do something similar.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

Yeah... I guess it's rational from a economics point of view

buying crypto for DN purposes

I remember when I first searched for it a bag of N was about 3 BTC

 

[bleedxi]

Yeah... I guess it's rational from a economics point of view

I remember when I first searched for it a bag of N was about 3 BTC

i thought all the n on the dn was a scam?

 

[telekon]

Watch you actually make a good investment and become a millionaire XD good on you for having so much money to begin with

 

[bleedxi]

Watch you actually make a good investment and become a millionaire XD good on you for having so much money to begin with

i don't have any investments. i'm just using up the small amount of savings i have that i've accumulated working part time jobs as a student since i was 16. 23 currently.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It makes sense to spend your money wildly for your enjoyment if you know you are going to die soon but with suicide you just never have that certainty as this whole forum can attest to so please do be judicious.

 

[RimeOfTheAncient]

i thought all the n on the dn was a scam?

All the N is, but you can get the metros, painkillers, SN, ect but ya N is all but gone for most folks.


See I was like this, ended up with 20k in debt mostly on hookers and blow lol (I jest, but only a little) and then wound up not CTB and then the debt fucked me up more and made me want to CTB more... all to say it can be a vicious circle.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

i thought all the n on the dn was a scam?

I guess I didn't exactly give much context... This would be around 10 years ago, I was just reminiscing about when N was available, well to the extent it was, and 3 BTC being about $700 USD IIRC.

There were reviews on the platforms and they had a reputation outside of there but I never went through with it to know if they were legit.

 

[gomer1978]

Money means so little. Friends, family, love, support, happiness - they are what matter in this world.