Career/Relationship Issues

[LookingforAnswers]

Has anyone else found themselves here off mis steps in career decisions or relationship issues.

My story is an interesting one and seeing if anyone can relate.

In January 2021 i was getting in the best shape of my life, was refraining from boozing, running 2 miles a day and working out constantly. That lasted for about a month and a half.

After that fast forward to May of 2021 i had a career decision to make. I applied to a job i thought i wanted but as the decision became closer and closer I started to ruminate and go back and forth with indecision as to whether I wanted it or not. This put a lot of stress on my brain. The questions i was having were things such as "do i want this job w more money but way more stress?, do i want to stay in my current job? will vacations be able to be the same? Etc etc. this went back and forth and i eventually rescinded the app but had massive regret that i missed an opportunity. I couldnt wrap my head around it.

I had a few depressed days after but was recovering when stressor number 2 came around.

I went to a bachelor party and ended up getting super drunk the whole weekend, dancing with chicks, got a number (deleted it after) said some questionable things. And later found out some of the chicks i danced w knew who my wife was and the maid of honor in our wedding.

This induced massive anxiety and i told my wife part of the story (not the number or dancing w multiple girls). I told her half the story while on vacation with our friends right after the bachelor party. This left me feeling isolated and bad about myself as i know it was scummy and the vacation turned out awful. From there i started to ruminate whether the rest of the story would get out but kept that in my mind.

I thought i was going to be okay but then we met up w the maid of honor in our wedding for a normal day and i couldnt stop thinking about it. This led to insomnia July 10th of last year and dipped me into depression.

I feel super weak and awful especially as I used to be super happy and for this to happen in a short 2 month period. The depression is way worse for my wife than what happened at the bach party - didnt even cheat but toed the line.

anyways is anyone else here for career or relationship issues??

Prior i was super high functioning, successful and had beautiful wife and friends.

 

[jimmy7754]

Part of the reason I'm on here is a relationship that pushed me to the edge too.. ended with a vacation trip we went whale watching.. stayed at a hotel.. it went very bad and we split a day later.. it led to a series of bad decisions thereafter..

Now I'm just a wild animal.. I'm sorry your feeling this way.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Has anyone else found themselves here off mis steps in career decisions or relationship issues.

My story is an interesting one and seeing if anyone can relate.

In January 2021 i was getting in the best shape of my life, was refraining from boozing, running 2 miles a day and working out constantly. That lasted for about a month and a half.

After that fast forward to May of 2021 i had a career decision to make. I applied to a job i thought i wanted but as the decision became closer and closer I started to ruminate and go back and forth with indecision as to whether I wanted it or not. This put a lot of stress on my brain. The questions i was having were things such as "do i want this job w more money but way more stress?, do i want to stay in my current job? will vacations be able to be the same? Etc etc. this went back and forth and i eventually rescinded the app but had massive regret that i missed an opportunity. I couldnt wrap my head around it.

I had a few depressed days after but was recovering when stressor number 2 came around.

I went to a bachelor party and ended up getting super drunk the whole weekend, dancing with chicks, got a number (deleted it after) said some questionable things. And later found out some of the chicks i danced w knew who my wife was and the maid of honor in our wedding.

This induced massive anxiety and i told my wife part of the story (not the number or dancing w multiple girls). I told her half the story while on vacation with our friends right after the bachelor party. This left me feeling isolated and bad about myself as i know it was scummy and the vacation turned out awful. From there i started to ruminate whether the rest of the story would get out but kept that in my mind.

I thought i was going to be okay but then we met up w the maid of honor in our wedding for a normal day and i couldnt stop thinking about it. This led to insomnia July 10th of last year and dipped me into depression.

I feel super weak and awful especially as I used to be super happy and for this to happen in a short 2 month period. The depression is way worse for my wife than what happened at the bach party - didnt even cheat but toed the line.

anyways is anyone else here for career or relationship issues??

Prior i was super high functioning, successful and had beautiful wife and friends.

I find just being alive and daily survival enough to deal with, without adding relationships and a career to that. My head would explode if I had to share my days with a life partner and work colleagues.

 

[September5th]

That's how it always happens, bro. We're fine, moving forward, being happy and then some wild shit happens. In a couple of days your life is destroyed. That's how it is.

 

[ddd1234]

That's how it always happens, bro. We're fine, moving forward, being happy and then some wild shit happens. In a couple of days your life is destroyed. That's how it is.

Yep it happens to me too. When it happens its easy to fall into downward spiral, because it's so painful when you imagine how your life would look like if you don't make a mistake.

I think that if you want to recover, you need to break the habit of rumination. It is hard, we as heavy ruminators probably have some form of obsessive compulsion disorder which makes us wired to thinking about the mistakes all the time. There are some guys out there who make worse mistakes than we did, and the next day they don't care and move forward.

In my situation the downard spiral went so crazy that I ended up in psych ward (twice). Nevertheless, I try to recover.

 

[Dot]

U sd tht u tld hr hlf of wht happnd - dd u evr tll hr th rst

Jst wondr if u r stll worrd abt b-ing 'fnd out' on sme levl

 

[LookingforAnswers]

U sd tht u tld hr hlf of wht happnd - dd u evr tll hr th rst

Jst wondr if u r stll worrd abt b-ing 'fnd out' on sme levl

Yes i did but by that time my brain had already crumbled

 

[ddd1234]

When you are in your top form it's easy to fall into downward spiral, because you have so much to lose. When the crisis starts you freak out and panic. This is what happened to me, and I talked to some people from Sanctioned Suicide who were even more successful than me and their story was similar. In cases like these, depression is not slow and steady, but very abrupt and dramatic, full of anxiety and agitation.

I am still devastated and have bad thoughts in my mind but I try to recover and I also advise you to try one more time. Personally, I think that for people like us there are 3 core elements for recovery:
1. Excercise
2. Routine
3... and the most crucial: Stopping rumination. Without unlearning rumination habit, all the eforts are wasted.

 

[24601]

My dogg

 

[September5th]

Yeah, it sucks. A couple of mistakes can fuck up your life, just as things you can't really control.
One thing then leads into the other. You loose your loved one, college starts to suck even more, you can't go to the gym anymore, you can't properly hang out, you can't do what you fundamentally gotta do.

In my case, it particularly sucks. That's because I went straight from my top (best days of my life) to rock bottom. Deep down I know that I'll never be as happy as I was back then.
The pain is so overwhelming that I'm right here in SS. A place I discovered out of full desperation.
You know the feeling of loosing everything you did your best to get? It's impossible to go back to mediocrity after that. That's why death seems so beautiful right now.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Daaaamn, why would you do something you wouldn't like if your wife did it? That's super infuriating. I'm a massive hater of cheating that's a huge dealbreaker, let's just agree that it was unfaithful without your wife's consent. I don't think being drunk is an excuse since I've fended off people when I was very drunk multiple times without any problems.

Anyway I think that at least you're remorseful so you must feel the same way. Anxiety is shit too. You don't deserve to have suicidal thoughts, I hope you feel better about that.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

Yeah, it sucks. A couple of mistakes can fuck up your life, just as things you can't really control.
One thing then leads into the other. You loose your loved one, college starts to suck even more, you can't go to the gym anymore, you can't properly hang out, you can't do what you fundamentally gotta do.

In my case, it particularly sucks. That's because I went straight from my top (best days of my life) to rock bottom. Deep down I know that I'll never be as happy as I was back then.
The pain is so overwhelming that I'm right here in SS. A place I discovered out of full desperation.
You know the feeling of loosing everything you did your best to get? It's impossible to go back to mediocrity after that. That's why death seems so beautiful right now.

I would like to know your story

Daaaamn, why would you do something you wouldn't like if your wife did it? That's super infuriating. I'm a massive hater of cheating that's a huge dealbreaker, let's just agree that it was unfaithful without your wife's consent. I don't think being drunk is an excuse since I've fended off people when I was very drunk multiple times without any problems.

Anyway I think that at least you're remorseful so you must feel the same way. Anxiety is shit too. You don't deserve to have suicidal thoughts, I hope you feel better about that.

Idk i hate that i did it obviously. Alcohol does lower inhibitions but i agree should not be an excuse. I hate that it was part of my story :( and eventually the reason why i faltered

 

[ddd1234]

Yep, what happened to you was you conditioned your brain to ruminate (when you didn't apply for this dream job). Right after that you experienced another situation that feeded your ruminating habit. Later you felt into the trap of meta ruminating - you started ruminate about how you ended up depressed and how you fucked your life.

The biggest mistake you made was not missed oportunity with the new job. Also dancing with chicks was not the worst. The worst was that you started ruminating - that's the worst sin. My advise is this: Try not to ruminate for the next 3 weeks. Do everything you want: play computer games, eat pizza, watch porn, whatever. If after that time you are still depressed and tired, go back to looking for suicide methods. Give yourself a chance. The sooner you do it the easier it will be. Every day, when you ruminate for countless hours, that digs depper hole into your depression and it will be harder to get out.

 

[mkhan1985]

I can really relate.

Had a dream life until November last year - beautiful wife(pregnant), 3 YO daughter, a nice house, extremely good health(traning every day) and a job i really loved and have been at for 10 years(115k payment, flexible, personality fit, etc.)Life had never been better.

I November, i quit the job because of a conflict related to my salary.

In a matter of short time, i started regretting my decision. I started ruminating, finding more and more reasons why my decision to quit was completely wrong. Ended up with a feeling of a completely destroyed career and life, both for myself and my family.
Went into severe depression and have struggeled with serious thoughts of taking my own life - it has been totally dark for me since January. Really hard to cope with as my family depends on me and wouldve been destroyed if i ctb'ed.

Ofcourse a horrendous situation for my wife who's pregnant. She doesnt care about the job, but my depression is really pushing her down.

Now im here. From a successful and social person to complete crash. Its really terrifying to experience how little is necessary to completely destroy your life.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

I can really relate.

Had a dream life until November last year - beautiful wife(pregnant), 3 YO daughter, a nice house, extremely good health(traning every day) and a job i really loved and have been at for 10 years(115k payment, flexible, personality fit, etc.)Life had never been better.

I November, i quit the job because of a conflict related to my salary.

In a matter of short time, i started regretting my decision. I started ruminating, finding more and more reasons why my decision to quit was completely wrong. Ended up with a feeling of a completely destroyed career and life, both for myself and my family.
Went into severe depression and have struggeled with serious thoughts of taking my own life - it has been totally dark for me since January. Really hard to cope with as my family depends on me and wouldve been destroyed if i ctb'ed.

Ofcourse a horrendous situation for my wife who's pregnant. She doesnt care about the job, but my depression is really pushing her down.

Now im here. From a successful and social person to complete crash. Its really terrifying to experience how little is necessary to completely destroy your life.

How is your sleep and what are your days mainly like now

 

[ddd1234]

It's so surrealistic when life completely changes in such short time. It's devastating, no wonder that this leads to suicide thoughts.

 

[mkhan1985]

How is your sleep and what are your days mainly like now

Hi,

My sleep went off the hook - practically insomnia from Nov/Dec till March/April. I guess average of 2-3 hours of sleep
per night, some nights nothing. Had to use medication in order to sleep a little bit.

My days at the moment, compared to my «previous life», is not good, but all is relative. I started doing a little better a month ago, some days are OK, some are real bad. The bad ones are those we're i have no energy to do something, which frees my time and allows for rumination. I try to keep myself busy with projects at home, training, etc., and it really helps.

How are your days?

 

[ddd1234]

I don't know about LookingforAnswers but my sleep improved a bit. I sleep 4-5 hours per night which is huge imrpovment in comparison to what was in Nov - Then I slept 1-2 hours even with stron drugs like zolpicon. Since Jan-Feb I developed some routine and started swimming every evening - it helped.

In winter I was very agitated because of disbelief how things turned out. I was extremely angry and anxious all the time for myself, I was in self destruction mode. my heart rate was very very high, I took hot bath couple of times per day to calm down a little bit. Everything triggered me. I behaved like a wild animal. You can read my old posts, it's one big desperation. Before the whole nightmare started I was the calmest person in the city, I read stocism books and meditated for couple of years. That's unbelievable that this happened to my.

Now my state improved in comparison to what was in winter, but I am still very depressed and worried. I feel extrame shame and humilatition - that's definetely the worst. Without that I think I would beat depression.

It's so sad that some stupid situation and reaction to that can ruin life.

I would give all my money and savings , even one arm or one leg to go back in time and avoid this nightmare. What a pity that it's impossible.

My reputation and self confidence is so low. But I still fight. I know that it is suicide forum but I recommend to fight. I think that if I had developed this mindset then in winter, it would be 100 times easier to recover now. Now, after 2 psych wards I have even more traumas to ruminate. But I will not surrender easly, I am a warrior.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

I don't know about LookingforAnswers but my sleep improved a bit. I sleep 4-5 hours per night which is huge imrpovment in comparison to what was in Nov - Then I slept 1-2 hours even with stron drugs like zolpicon. Since Jan-Feb I developed some routine and started swimming every evening - it helped.

In winter I was very agitated because of disbelief how things turned out. I was extremely angry and anxious all the time for myself, I was in self destruction mode. my heart rate was very very high, I took hot bath couple of times per day to calm down a little bit. Everything triggered me. I behaved like a wild animal. You can read my old posts, it's one big desperation. Before the whole nightmare started I was the calmest person in the city, I read stocism books and meditated for couple of years. That's unbelievable that this happened to my.

Now my state improved in comparison to what was in winter, but I am still very depressed and worried. I feel extrame shame and humilatition - that's definetely the worst. Without that I think I would beat depression.

It's so sad that some stupid situation and reaction to that can ruin life.

I would give all my money and savings , even one arm or one leg to go back in time and avoid this nightmare. What a pity that it's impossible.

My reputation and self confidence is so low. But I still fight. I know that it is suicide forum but I recommend to fight. I think that if I had developed this mindset then in winter, it would be 100 times easier to recover now. Now, after 2 psych wards I have even more traumas to ruminate. But I will not surrender easly, I am a warrior.

I resonate w almost every word said here. My life and library is also filled w stoicism books and "self" help. My life was glorious up until 30 and these events. I would pop out of bed excited for another day. Now each day is pretty shitty and feels like an existence passing me by

 

[mkhan1985]

I don't know about LookingforAnswers but my sleep improved a bit. I sleep 4-5 hours per night which is huge imrpovment in comparison to what was in Nov - Then I slept 1-2 hours even with stron drugs like zolpicon. Since Jan-Feb I developed some routine and started swimming every evening - it helped.

In winter I was very agitated because of disbelief how things turned out. I was extremely angry and anxious all the time for myself, I was in self destruction mode. my heart rate was very very high, I took hot bath couple of times per day to calm down a little bit. Everything triggered me. I behaved like a wild animal. You can read my old posts, it's one big desperation. Before the whole nightmare started I was the calmest person in the city, I read stocism books and meditated for couple of years. That's unbelievable that this happened to my.

Now my state improved in comparison to what was in winter, but I am still very depressed and worried. I feel extrame shame and humilatition - that's definetely the worst. Without that I think I would beat depression.

It's so sad that some stupid situation and reaction to that can ruin life.

I would give all my money and savings , even one arm or one leg to go back in time and avoid this nightmare. What a pity that it's impossible.

My reputation and self confidence is so low. But I still fight. I know that it is suicide forum but I recommend to fight. I think that if I had developed this mindset then in winter, it would be 100 times easier to recover now. Now, after 2 psych wards I have even more traumas to ruminate. But I will not surrender easly, I am a warrior.

Im curious - Can I ask what your story is?

 

[thankyouforthis]

One of very VERY few good things about my life right now is that I do have a loving partner; but I can already see things starting to fall apart. I'm not sure we will make it to our next anniversary, which is just a couple of months away.

What sucks is thinking that it might be MY fault. Basically whenever I get upset, it upsets him too much. But it's hard for me to not show signs of being upset when we live in a tiny apartment with no space for privacy. I'd love to just go hide from him when I'm feeling shitty but that's just not an option. So I worry that he's just going to get exhausted by me and dump me in favor of one of those people who smiles all of the time and is always up for an adventure.

I almost started a new thread about this, until I found this one. The title of my new thread would have been, "Are we lovable?"

What do y'all think? Is it possible for someone not just to FALL in love with someone like us, but also to actually STAY in love with us-- through the good AND the bad? Or is that just too much to ask of another human being?

Has anyone else found themselves here off mis steps in career decisions or relationship issues.

My story is an interesting one and seeing if anyone can relate.

In January 2021 i was getting in the best shape of my life, was refraining from boozing, running 2 miles a day and working out constantly. That lasted for about a month and a half.

After that fast forward to May of 2021 i had a career decision to make. I applied to a job i thought i wanted but as the decision became closer and closer I started to ruminate and go back and forth with indecision as to whether I wanted it or not. This put a lot of stress on my brain. The questions i was having were things such as "do i want this job w more money but way more stress?, do i want to stay in my current job? will vacations be able to be the same? Etc etc. this went back and forth and i eventually rescinded the app but had massive regret that i missed an opportunity. I couldnt wrap my head around it.

I had a few depressed days after but was recovering when stressor number 2 came around.

I went to a bachelor party and ended up getting super drunk the whole weekend, dancing with chicks, got a number (deleted it after) said some questionable things. And later found out some of the chicks i danced w knew who my wife was and the maid of honor in our wedding.

This induced massive anxiety and i told my wife part of the story (not the number or dancing w multiple girls). I told her half the story while on vacation with our friends right after the bachelor party. This left me feeling isolated and bad about myself as i know it was scummy and the vacation turned out awful. From there i started to ruminate whether the rest of the story would get out but kept that in my mind.

I thought i was going to be okay but then we met up w the maid of honor in our wedding for a normal day and i couldnt stop thinking about it. This led to insomnia July 10th of last year and dipped me into depression.

I feel super weak and awful especially as I used to be super happy and for this to happen in a short 2 month period. The depression is way worse for my wife than what happened at the bach party - didnt even cheat but toed the line.

anyways is anyone else here for career or relationship issues??

Prior i was super high functioning, successful and had beautiful wife and friends.

I'm not here specifically because of any missteps, though I do think a relationship with a junkie years back kinda ruined my prospects of anything resembling a "normal" life...Got robbed, had to leave my job, etc., basically start over just when I was finally starting to feel semi-sane...But I DO worry that my emotional issues will cost me my current relationship. I imagine everyone like us worries about that!

Yep, what happened to you was you conditioned your brain to ruminate (when you didn't apply for this dream job). Right after that you experienced another situation that feeded your ruminating habit. Later you felt into the trap of meta ruminating - you started ruminate about how you ended up depressed and how you fucked your life.

The biggest mistake you made was not missed oportunity with the new job. Also dancing with chicks was not the worst. The worst was that you started ruminating - that's the worst sin. My advise is this: Try not to ruminate for the next 3 weeks. Do everything you want: play computer games, eat pizza, watch porn, whatever. If after that time you are still depressed and tired, go back to looking for suicide methods. Give yourself a chance. The sooner you do it the easier it will be. Every day, when you ruminate for countless hours, that digs depper hole into your depression and it will be harder to get out.

I try stuff like this but the problem is fuckin' peer pressure. People telling me I NEED to go outside, I NEED to socialize, etc. I'm like FUCK YOU YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I NEED! STOP GOOGLING "DEPRESSION" AND RECITING THE RESULTANT BULLET POINTS AT ME!

 

[CursedSoul]

my abusive ex and my current gf bringed me here, i mean i'm suicidal for 21 years, but they just made me die even more than i thought could possibly imagine, i feel you, i never had a "almost" or cheating problem, but people always don't understand me, and they hate me because they think i'm a normal functionning person, and not someone that is mentally ill, i understand how you feel to become what we are because of a loved one. Be strong tho, it looks like it's not the end for you yet