Can’t stop thinking about suicide

[fell]

I've been really struggling. I've been suicidal on and off since I was a teen, I'm in my 30s now. I go through periods that are okay, but it always comes back

The past few weeks have been really bad and I've been texting suicide help lines every night, 14 times in just over a week. It was just barely helping me get through day to day but I don't feel any quality of life

Two days ago I got a psychiatrist appointment and got put on an antidepressant. I was scared but hopeful. I reached out because had a few symptoms of anxiety, etc - and I used the doctor's first name instead of calling her "doctor". The doctor abruptly corrected me and said she'd refuse to continue to treat me and "best of luck" - I guess she found my mistake really offensive. So now, no psychiatrist to fill this if it does end up working

I'm exhausted from life, overwhelmed with work, and can see my career failing in front of my eyes. The world keeps getting harder. All the things I thought would make it meaningful, bring me nothing anymore. I don't see any hope in it getting better. Even if it does for a while, this feeling will always come back.

I'm just also scared to actually end it. All the methods seem painful, I don't want to mess up and my life to be worse, and I don't want my best friend to be sad. But I'm miserable and see less and less options. I've tried everything - multiple therapies, I can't afford an intensive outpatient or PHP program, everything has waitlists. And again, I don't see it ever really going away

I just needed to share, I feel like this community understands. It's been a relief to find others feeling the same way I do. Thank you.

 

[sigil_sara]

I've been really struggling. I've been suicidal on and off since I was a teen, I'm in my 30s now. I go through periods that are okay, but it always comes back

The past few weeks have been really bad and I've been texting suicide help lines every night, 14 times in just over a week. It was just barely helping me get through day to day but I don't feel any quality of life

Two days ago I got a psychiatrist appointment and got put on an antidepressant. I was scared but hopeful. I reached out because had a few symptoms of anxiety, etc - and I used the doctor's first name instead of calling her "doctor". The doctor abruptly corrected me and said she'd refuse to continue to treat me and "best of luck" - I guess she found my mistake really offensive. So now, no psychiatrist to fill this if it does end up working

I'm exhausted from life, overwhelmed with work, and can see my career failing in front of my eyes. The world keeps getting harder. All the things I thought would make it meaningful, bring me nothing anymore. I don't see any hope in it getting better. Even if it does for a while, this feeling will always come back.

I'm just also scared to actually end it. All the methods seem painful, I don't want to mess up and my life to be worse, and I don't want my best friend to be sad. But I'm miserable and see less and less options. I've tried everything - multiple therapies, I can't afford an intensive outpatient or PHP program, everything has waitlists. And again, I don't see it ever really going away

I just needed to share, I feel like this community understands. It's been a relief to find others feeling the same way I do. Thank you.

Hi there, I saw that you were looking for a PHP or IOP program. Is that for substance abuse? I've been thru both PHP and IOP for my drug and alcohol addiction. I didn't have insurance or anything. I checked myself into the ER as I was in withdrawals. From there the staff asked if I wanted help from Crisis (not suicide help but addiction Crisis) The lady from Crisis came and picked me up. She found a detox and then PHP, also helped getting me on medicaid. This was in Maryland.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think if a doctor gets so bent out of shape over a slip-of-the-tongue by anyone calling her by her first name, and that she immediately makes the decision to no longer treat that person, that this person dodged a bullet and are better off not receiving care from someone like that. That's way over the top kind of behavior. I think she needs to see a therapist and get her issues taken care of before she even tries to give anyone care.

 

[fell]

Hi there, I saw that you were looking for a PHP or IOP program. Is that for substance abuse? I've been thru both PHP and IOP for my drug and alcohol addiction. I didn't have insurance or anything. I checked myself into the ER as I was in withdrawals. From there the staff asked if I wanted help from Crisis (not suicide help but addiction Crisis) The lady from Crisis came and picked me up. She found a detox and then PHP, also helped getting me on medicaid. This was in Maryland.

Thank you so much, I was looking for OP/PHP for suicidal thoughts & depression to have some support but it seems like most places are addiction based (which is awesome for folks who need that care) but I'm struggling to find a facility that isn't addiction-based that isn't crazy expensive or is covered I'm not sure if that would be available to me if not addiction-based

 

[sigil_sara]

Thank you so much, I was looking for OP/PHP for suicidal thoughts & depression to have some support but it seems like most places are addiction based (which is awesome for folks who need that care) but I'm struggling to find a facility that isn't addiction-based that isn't crazy expensive or is covered I'm not sure if that would be available to me if not addiction-based

Are you located in the US?

 

[fell]

Are you located in the US?

I am, Im In PA

 

[lukas19]

I've been really struggling. I've been suicidal on and off since I was a teen, I'm in my 30s now. I go through periods that are okay, but it always comes back

The past few weeks have been really bad and I've been texting suicide help lines every night, 14 times in just over a week. It was just barely helping me get through day to day but I don't feel any quality of life

Two days ago I got a psychiatrist appointment and got put on an antidepressant. I was scared but hopeful. I reached out because had a few symptoms of anxiety, etc - and I used the doctor's first name instead of calling her "doctor". The doctor abruptly corrected me and said she'd refuse to continue to treat me and "best of luck" - I guess she found my mistake really offensive. So now, no psychiatrist to fill this if it does end up working

I'm exhausted from life, overwhelmed with work, and can see my career failing in front of my eyes. The world keeps getting harder. All the things I thought would make it meaningful, bring me nothing anymore. I don't see any hope in it getting better. Even if it does for a while, this feeling will always come back.

I'm just also scared to actually end it. All the methods seem painful, I don't want to mess up and my life to be worse, and I don't want my best friend to be sad. But I'm miserable and see less and less options. I've tried everything - multiple therapies, I can't afford an intensive outpatient or PHP program, everything has waitlists. And again, I don't see it ever really going away

I just needed to share, I feel like this community understands. It's been a relief to find others feeling the same way I do. Thank you.

I find the first 1-3weeks of antidepressants horrendous! this is normal, obviously once they are porperly in your system you should feel better(ish)

 

[fell]

I find the first 1-3weeks of antidepressants horrendous! this is normal, obviously once they are porperly in your system you should feel better(ish)

Thank you!

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound really tiring what you have to go through, and I also fear actually going through with suicide which is of course why I'm still here. The fear of failing ctb as well as the limited access to peaceful and reliable methods is what holds me back, it certainly sounds horrific failing ctb and just ending up back in this awful world. But anyway, best wishes.