Can't see a future for myself

[LonelyTurkey]

I'm not really sure what to think. I've spent the last 5 years dredging my way through engineering school and I'm going to graduate this semester (yay!) but I've begun to lose hope in my future. It's been over a year since I've been intimate with anyone and probably like 5 years since I actually dated someone. I kind of just can't see a future where I find a person that actually likes me and wants to be around me. I just don't feel like I will live past 30. I get such severe boutes of depression and hopelessness that I want to just end it all. I'm just so tired of everything and want to stay locked in my room and sleep forever. I think i am going to go to therapy at my university soon but i don't really know what to talk about, and i hate so much talking about my feelings anywhere but here.

I don't know if i just feel bad for myself and should just suck it up and stop being a baby or if I actually need help.

 

[uselessman]

I just started therapy myself so I can not offer much experience, but for me, my therapist is the only person that I can see right now that actually cares. That is a terrible yet relieving feeling. [ie. No one cares....wait...someone cares]

You are not being a baby. You are being an adult and taking responsibility for your life and feelings. Adulting is hard these days. Society has become overwhelming. Therapy might help with this the most. I am doing therapy online. The site offers 1 on 1 time, plus classes. I have learned a lot through the classes. The human brain is fascinating.

One more thing, aside from your post. Society has conditioned us to desire something meaningless "Looks" / "Appearance". I will speak from my own experience that I was looking for a partner that met a certain "look". Reading through posts on these forums often people here feel unattractive or outright ugly and unwanted. I think a good first step is to relearn what is valuable in a human. You might find you have many of those qualities. Once you recognize your own worth, it will be easier for someone else to see it also. So it is too fold, it helps you love yourself more and it help you love others more (being less judgemental).

 

[Cyndaquil]

I am sorry that you are living this situation. I understand you because i am living some of the things you are talking about. I hope you can get better.

 

[Kimlett]

Congrats on graduating! I feel you, I'm about to be 30yo and I don't like it, like I should be dead already. It's ok, its just depression fucking with us.

I'd tell you that it's ok if you are single for years, but I get it if right now you feel like you need somebody. I thing that you'll find someone but maybe not as soon as you desire. People say life is short, but for depressed people, or at least for me, life is excruciatingly long; the good thing about that is that there's plenty of time to do a lot of stuff and to meet people to have a relationship with.

You're not a baby, no. I hate that "suck it up" bs. You don't deserve to treat yourself like that. You deserve help and I hope you get it, although it may not be perfect. One step at a time. Good luck.