Cant push myself to CTB

[Kerock]

I think it's clear that Im too much of a coward to CTB. I need to stop being sentimental and stop attempting to give a shit about others. I need to be honest and straight with myself. And honestly Ill just have to move forward and stop being lazy or else Ill get stuck. I've faced traumatic things, but it doesent excuse my behaviors. And honestly Im not deppressed. Just suicidal ideation and apathy. I just need to try my best, and stop feeling guilty and remorseful.

 

[disgustingtrash]

I relate to you and this post a lot, I'm sorry you feel this way. It sucks how we have to live up to other people's expectations when we can barely live up to our own, let alone want to live at all.

 

[Kerock]

I relate to you and this post a lot, I'm sorry you feel this way. It sucks how we have to live up to other people's expectations when we can barely live up to our own, let alone want to live at all.

indeed but im finally not gonna care nor live up to the expectations of others. most of my life i feel like ive been guilting myself, but im honestly tired. I'm tired of trying to hope for a relationship, I'm tired of being sentimental towards my family, tired of lying to my friends. And I'm tired of worrying about academics. I just need to find something to help me move forward like a menial job or hiking. Something to get out of the house and my mental headspace.

 

[disgustingtrash]

Find a hobby you really enjoy and try to stay busy doing something you like. And I know it sounds cliche, but in this life you will never come to terms with your own self if you're not being yourself around others. It's a good sign that you've realized this yourself though. I Hope you find a hobby you'll enjoy and some true friends will come to you when you least expect it maybe even a relationship. Don't set so high expectations for yourself, real people will show up in your life eventually. If u need to vent u can vent to me

 

[Kerock]

Find a hobby you really enjoy and try to stay busy doing something you like. And I know it sounds cliche, but in this life you will never come to terms with your own self if you're not being yourself around others. It's a good sign that you've realized this yourself though. I Hope you find a hobby you'll enjoy and some true friends will come to you when you least expect it maybe even a relationship. Don't set so high expectations for yourself, real people will show up in your life eventually. If u need to vent u can vent to me

I apprecieate the words. Its not so much venting, its just soundboarding my thoughts and feelings off this forum. Im honestly just glad someone responded lol.

 

[disgustingtrash]

ofc, and yep I know how upsetting it is to post and 0 replies. Feels like talking with a wall lmao

 

[Kerock]

indeed it exactly feels like that time to time