Help Cant overcome strong SI?!

[MeltingHeart]

I seem to have a very very strong inbuilt SI (as I am sure most of the population do!) that I can do the final act, despite a strong desire (but also fear is very strong) and many many attempts. And it is not because...as some people will think...part of me wants to live...its just the actual feeling mental & physical of trying to do it...feels me which so much innate fear that I can not go through with it!! How can I overcome this overwhelming SI?!

 

[Daizai]

I think the survival instinct come from fear. The subconcious fear of problems that may arise when you suicise. Maybe think logical about what you are afraid of of each individual problem. Maybe you are afraid of afterlife or being found and ending up a vegetable? Dealing with these issues and taking precUtions may eridicate the fear and let you overcome si? I really dont know tho so sorry if this isnt of any help. And I dont

 

[MeltingHeart]

I think the survival instinct come from fear. The subconcious fear of problems that may arise when you suicise. Maybe think logical about what you are afraid of of each individual problem. Maybe you are afraid of afterlife or being found and ending up a vegetable? Dealing with these issues and taking precUtions may eridicate the fear and let you overcome si? I really dont know tho so sorry if this isnt of any help. And I dont

Yes, def afraid of being found to soon and ending up in worst state - too injured to even be able to try again! also it just feels so so horrible attempting-have tried ALOT!. Not afraid of after life as such (dont believe in anything after) but it just really is such a mentally distressing and profound thing to do to picture yourself there, hanging. I literally do not know how people do it! I am actually jealous of people that have succeeded-certainly dont believe its a cowardly act-as some say-it must takes hugeeee amounts of guts to over come the strongly built in human SI
Meant to say Cant do! not can. Sometimes I feel its so mental that its come to this I feel like laughing! in a dark way. I have watched every docu on suicide and horrible videos of people doing it too, in an attempt to try and make myself desensitize to it and the thoughts of doing it, trying to normalie it in my head-so I can do it!

 

[TenHas]

I hate my SI...I should do SN in 10h, have done meto reg , but more close time comes I scare I can't do it..feel so much shame over myself..wish someone would just run over whit car or something would happen, so it could be done already

 

[ronigail9]

I've heard good reports of benzodiazepines being helpful to not giving a fuck. I am trying to order some

 

[TenHas]

I've heard good reports of benzodiazepines being helpful to not giving a fuck. I am trying to order some

Those really hard to find , in sweden goes a lot time before dr will write receipt out

 

[MeltingHeart]

I've heard good reports of benzodiazepines being helpful to not giving a fuck. I am trying to order some

If only I know how to get - they won't prescribe me anything like that now - they know I am v. Depressed & just think I will get addicted so they won't give me any.

 

[FallenX]

SI can save you from messing yourself up worse in many cases.

 

[MeltingHeart]

SI can save you from messing yourself up worse in many cases.

Just makes me feel like it's preventing me from getting on with it - a method which thousands of people around the world use every year & statistically speaking very few mess up! That is not a vent at you by the way- I know you are just urging caution- so thanku- I'm really just venting at myself but out loud on a public forum!

 

[FallenX]

Just makes me feel like it's preventing me from getting on with it - a method which thousands of people around the world use every year & statistically speaking very few mess up! That is not a vent at you by the way- I know you are just urging caution- so thanku- I'm really just venting at myself but out loud on a public forum!

Maybe deep down you know if you move out and get your own place things could be ok and eventually maybe great. CTB is permanent. You haven't even explored every option yet.

 

[MeltingHeart]

SI can save you from messing yourself up worse in many cases. Some people do impulsive stupid actions that makes them blind, disfigured, paralyzed.

It also may tell you that it isn't the right move. That you can overcome what you're dealing with. Not saying it won't require a lot of work but in your case MeltingHeart moving out of your parents place may make you have a newfound desire to live. I said may.

SI can save you from messing yourself up worse in many cases. Some people do impulsive stupid actions that makes them blind, disfigured, paralyzed.

It also may tell you that it isn't the right move. That you can overcome what you're dealing with. Not saying it won't require a lot of work but in your case MeltingHeart moving out of your parents place may make you have a newfound desire to live. I said may.

nope - gone way past that stage! Too complicated to explain - if had N or SN I would be taking it right now !! It's only the method I need to overcome SI with not the general idea- no I have a very very strong desire to NOT proceed with life - no matter where I live - or where I am in the world - nothing can change my mind now. I just need to go back to an old method as I don't have the one that I wanted - or I would have been gone by now already. Of that I am certain. But thanku for ur encouragement anyway- sorry to be so blunt- yr energies are best used elsewhere- I am not one that can be 'saved' sadly. But do appreciate the sentiment nonetheless

 

[Lord Taco]

I'm having the same problem. As soon as that bag goes over my head, I feel like Superman and I'm Unstoppable. I wish I had N, then I could just lounge on the cough and chill.

Strong SI and Exit Bags are def. a No.