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grown ass man
- Feb 12, 2023
- 94
I need constant attention and validation, and it's killing me.
I can't function in relationships, I need to be the most loved person to everyone I know.
I can't enjoy any hobbies, I need to be the best at everything I do.
I can't focus on school, I need to have the best grades or else I'll spiral.
The list goes on.
Most people just tell me "it's not possible, so don't worry about it!", "being the best doesn't change anything!", "use it as motivation to try harder!", etc.
I already know this. It's not possible, no matter how hard I try. It won't fix my underlying issues. Plus, I'm trying as hard as I can and it's draining me. When I take a step back, I just want to die because I'm not working towards being the best.
There is no way to win this.
I really think I'm beyond fixing. I can't live when my mind works like this. If it doesn't ruin all of my relationships, it'll just end up draining me to the point where I'm completely unable to do anything.
I can't function in relationships, I need to be the most loved person to everyone I know.
I can't enjoy any hobbies, I need to be the best at everything I do.
I can't focus on school, I need to have the best grades or else I'll spiral.
The list goes on.
Most people just tell me "it's not possible, so don't worry about it!", "being the best doesn't change anything!", "use it as motivation to try harder!", etc.
I already know this. It's not possible, no matter how hard I try. It won't fix my underlying issues. Plus, I'm trying as hard as I can and it's draining me. When I take a step back, I just want to die because I'm not working towards being the best.
There is no way to win this.
I really think I'm beyond fixing. I can't live when my mind works like this. If it doesn't ruin all of my relationships, it'll just end up draining me to the point where I'm completely unable to do anything.
