Help cant handle bad feelings

[nayomi]

i have really hard time to deal with suffering. even it is a small one like going to supermarket or cleaning the house.
like any kind of pain i dont want. i dont have any reason to carry that pain.
i always thought that after i will finish my ba or move to my own apartment someone i want and so one everything will be fine so i could bear it. it does make my life better but there is still suffering.

i dont find any reason to bear the pain i am in. nothing will promise me freedom from pain so i dont see a reason to bear it

edit:
i remeber doing ayahuasca and dmt and other psycadelics and having pretty harsh trips, 1 millions times harder than what i am suffering now but i knew that i might get the freedom that i wanted from it.
suffering is not a problem, the problem is enduring it

 

[tonicer]

I know that feeling. The only reason i am still around is my mother. I can't leave her behind so i have to somehow endure this existence for the rest of her life. She's almost 80 and not very healthy so maybe 10-15 years.

 

[nayomi]

I know that feeling. The only reason i am still around is my mother. I can't leave her behind so i have to somehow endure this existence for the rest of her life. She's almost 80 and not very healthy so maybe 10-15 years.

at least you have a reason to endure it

 

[bagel12]

i have really hard time to deal with suffering. even it is a small one like going to supermarket or cleaning the house.
like any kind of pain i dont want. i dont have any reason to carry that pain.
i always thought that after i will finish my ba or move to my own apartment someone i want and so one everything will be fine so i could bear it. it does make my life better but there is still suffering.

i dont find any reason to bear the pain i am in. nothing will promise me freedom from pain so i dont see a reason to bear it

i feel the same way, i don't know how people do these things and don't suffer from them. some people even enjoy cleaning, can you believe it?...

i feel like there is some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain that makes everything difficult for no reason. or maybe my tolerance for difficulty or boredom is just too low. adhd meds helped but they didn't make it go away.

and it's hard to deal with if there's nothing to live for or no motivation to keep going. i try to focus on small things that make me happy like sunsets or good music but it doesn't fix the underlying problem.

anyway i just wanted to say that i'm sorry that you're going through this and you aren't alone in feeling this way

 

[nayomi]

i feel the same way, i don't know how people do these things and don't suffer from them. some people even enjoy cleaning, can you believe it?...

i feel like there is some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain that makes everything difficult for no reason. or maybe my tolerance for difficulty or boredom is just too low. adhd meds helped but they didn't make it go away.

and it's hard to deal with if there's nothing to live for or no motivation to keep going. i try to focus on small things that make me happy like sunsets or good music but it doesn't fix the underlying problem.

anyway i just wanted to say that i'm sorry that you're going through this and you aren't alone in feeling this way

my psycologist said they just do it. they can endure it

i hope we will find the way

 

[tonicer]

at least you have a reason to endure it

Do you have no one who loves you or who you love?

 

[Lamentice]

I feel ya, everything is pretty hard for me and I struggle with regulating my mood I hope we can find peace and freedom...

 

[SASU-KE]

i remeber doing ayahuasca and dmt and other psycadelics and having pretty harsh trips, 1 millions times harder than what i am suffering now but i knew that i might get the freedom that i wanted from it.
suffering is not a problem, the problem is enduring it

I plan to try some of the stuff down the line. Are you saying it wasn't worth it for you? What happened during the trip if you don't mind to elaborate? Also, how was your mood going in?

 

[nayomi]

Do you have no one who loves you or who you love?

i have alot but i will die someday and people will suffer from my death either way

I feel ya, everything is pretty hard for me and I struggle with regulating my mood I hope we can find peace and freedom...

me too <3

I plan to try some of the stuff down the line. Are you saying it wasn't worth it for you? What happened during the trip if you don't mind to elaborate? Also, how was your mood going in?

it was very worth it but you need to be prepared and be very allowing state of being ok with everything happening. it will happened and you probably will suffer way more than you used to. like abnormally suffer but you still need to accept everything.
each trip is unique and special on its own so kinda hard to say...
i did psilohuasca when this suicidal episode started and it helped me alot but didnt solved it or improved my mood. it did extanded the meaning of suicide which i feel lots of people doing it from a very narrow mindset instead of very aware one. you can see in the threads here that people have hard time seeing their life more than just this month or more of the context of thier specific feeling that they have rn.
from the psilohuasca i didnt had any afterglow but from ayahuasca i had extremly intense after glow. i saw so much light and had such and intense feelings that i couldnt handle all of the love and goodness of this world.

the most important is to really let go and allow everything. if you dont the feelings can get stuck and then it is really hard to get those feelings leaving you and it can make your situation worst or even get trauma from it.

the best is to do it in a shamanic ceremony and start from small dose and increase it slowly. if it is too intense you can get out of the therapeutic dose and get crazy trip that gives you no value at all.

ego death is same as dying but you are on psycadelics so you are more aware and closer to god and love.i kinda felt like this tbh:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/what-sn-felt-like.251002/

ego death does comes with physical symptoms of dying too so you actually sure you are dead or about to die


best to start with mediation and prayers and any other spiritual practice you like

 

[tonicer]

i have alot but i will die someday and people will suffer from my death either way

Only my mom loves me and i will try everything it takes to live longer than her. I think you should too if you have multiple people who love you.

 

[nayomi]

Only my mom loves me and i will try everything it takes to live longer than her. I think you should too if you have multiple people who love you.

the reality is that there at lots of people waiting to love you and support you. you just need to reach out to communities and find your homes and families.
people will be sad from your suicide even if they dont know you.
so i think if you want to do it just do it regardless, if other people make your live and you want to live then go and find communities

 

[tonicer]

the reality is that there at lots of people waiting to love you and support you. you just need to reach out to communities and find your homes and families.
people will be sad from your suicide even if they dont know you.
so i think if you want to do it just do it regardless, if other people make your live and you want to live then go and find communities

It's not easy for a middle aged white guy to find other people. I am hated for my skin color and my gender and my age by a lot of people in my country even though i never harmed anyone, just existing is apparently bad enough. I wish i could move somewhere where the people are more friendly.

 

[nayomi]

It's not easy for a middle aged white guy to find other people. I am hated for my skin color and my gender and my age by a lot of people in my country even though i never harmed anyone, just existing is apparently bad enough. I wish i could move somewhere where the people are more friendly.

just keep trying.
there are for sure communities for you.
better going to things that you like and value rather than just having friends
online communities is something too

 

[tonicer]

just keep trying.
there are for sure communities for you.
better going to things that you like and value rather than just having friends
online communities is something too

I found some people online to play games with which is great but i also want someone to (for example) go to the zoo with or maybe a museum. I have an old friend but he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore for some reason. He always says he has a migraine when i ask him to join me for something so i gave up asking him.

 

[nayomi]

I found some people online to play games with which is great but i also want someone to (for example) go to the zoo with or maybe a museum. I have an old friend but he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore for some reason. He always says he has a migraine when i ask him to join me for something so i gave up asking him.

good start.
tbh you sound someone that might had social anxiety or autism or some other social disfunction (hope i dont make you feel bad about it, i had it too). maybe you should go and see some help for that? it can do wonders

 

[tonicer]

good start.
tbh you sound someone that might had social anxiety or autism or some other social disfunction (hope i dont make you feel bad about it, i had it too). maybe you should go and see some help for that? it can do wonders

Yeah i had social anxiety and suspect that i am somewhat autistic but the doctors i went to as a child didn't really help at all. Training my body helped me gain confidence. I was always very skinny now i am muscular and almost nothing scares me anymore.