Can't go to therapy because of androphobia

[RosebyAnyName]

I've been considering EMDR therapy and I found a good therapist, but I'm too scared to talk to therapists about my fear of men. I've realized that I don't want to stop being afraid of men, I just wish instead that people took my pain seriously instead of seeing it as an "irrational" fear to overcome, and that once I'm "fixed" I'll just love men and worship them like gods, because society insists that's what a "good, healthy, mentally well" woman would do. I don't even want to be a "good, healthy, and mentally well" woman, what I really want is to avoid the pain that is inevitable with the life path "good" women are expected to take. Really all I want is to not get consumed by intrusive thoughts from the dumbest, smallest triggers that remind me of men. I don't know what to do anymore, I just want to give up and forget about therapy since it's always just made my androphobia worse anyways.

 

[Lostandlooking]

It sounds like you've been exploring options, trying to find something that could relieve your suffering. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. You wrote you've already found a therapist who seems good at what they're doing. Building trust is crucial in a therapeutic relationship. That doesn't happen overnight, it might never happen. But you won't know for certain if you don't try. And you can set boundaries at the very start. Just tell them there are some things that you're too scared to talk about. A good therapist won't pressure you. (in my opinion) And your own wishes and goals should be the focus of therapy. So not wanting to change parts of yourself is totally acceptable in my opinion. If you want to work on intrusive thoughts, then that could be something to focus on. Good luck no matter what you decide.