Venting can't do anything

[somewhatdeadly]

My parents were forcing me to find a job, so I did. I found one, and the first day was pretty good at least as good as a job can be. The boss was a nice guy, and the tasks I was given were extremely easy. But the next day, I just couldn't force myself to get up and go. I didn't go.


I can't tolerate anything. I argued with my parents the entire day, and it makes me wish they hadn't had me if everything is going to be a problem when I'm only 18. I can't go to college, I can't work, and I don't see the point in doing anything. I just want to die, but I'm a coward and I don't have a reliable method. I know that's an excuse tho.


I just know I can't keep living like this. I feel like it will only get worse as I get older. Even if I didn't have to work or do anything, I still feel stuck. I asked them, and they won't pay for the college I wanted to go to. Studying would be easier than working, and maybe I could force myself to live a bit longer if this was the case but I guess that's not happening.


I don't know how, but I feel like I need to ctb in 3 months most likely sn or rope. i'd appriciate any reply.

 

[myriapoda]

i can relate to a degree. i'm currently in college while working a job, i often feel like if i focused on just one things would've been easier for me to push through. the current college i go to wasn't my first choice, but i was forced due to conflict with my mother and the threat of financial instability, so i complied and went to my current one.

I can't tolerate anything. I argued with my parents the entire day, and it makes me wish they hadn't had me if everything is going to be a problem when I'm only 18. I can't go to college, I can't work, and I don't see the point in doing anything.

i can't see it either, the only thing pushing me through work and school are my hobbies + online friends which i'm slowly losing hope/interest in. i don't wish hopeful thinking for you, because college is expensive and your parents aren't willing to help even though it'll help you in the long run. does the college offer any free online courses?

The boss was a nice guy, and the tasks I was given were extremely easy. But the next day, I just couldn't force myself to get up and go. I didn't go.

i get this 100% with my current boss and even professors. sometimes even with the right conditions or most understanding of people it's just hard.

I don't know how, but I feel like I need to ctb in 3 months most likely sn or rope.

have access to SN?