Help cant cope

[cantdoitanymore]

most say to relax or watch a movie, go out on a walk, listen to music, listen to something to relax sleep, or do idk what breathing technique, even relax in bed, play a game I just can't do it, for 2 years there's this person that kept showing they love me and then left for months and came back and treated me like shit called me words, but with them I used to go in my city, watch movies, drink tea, everything basically reminds me of him and it makes me panic terribly, doing idk what breathing technique makes me panic because I know he used to tell me to do that and god I used to love drawing but he does too so it triggers me, everything triggers me, even my house because he came here and we cuddled, I usually am protective of myself and don't let myself get hugged or touched or get my hopes up but he acted like it's stupid and god god what else could I do to not think, getting a hobby makes me think of him because he kept saying I should get one or whatever hobby I wanted he started it, I don't know what to do, and i don't have who to talk about this, I started going to therapy and I went to a psychiatrist, but my appointment it's going to be in days and the xanax to calm me I'm taking doesn't help,
I just want to get better, it's been 2 years of being so unstable and losing myself without having any friend to talk to and understand,
if anyone knows anythint, just something maybe that I didn't think of, please share it with me, I want to get better so much but it's so hard and I always fall back into the hole that sucked everything, sorry for wasting your time, whoever reads this,