Can't believe...

[GoneWrong]

... I have found myself here. I always assumed suicide would be relatively easy once the choice was made. But the problems with achieving it are much greater than I expected and it seems to have opened up a new, whole world of problems for me, I feel trapped

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

That, my friend, is survival instinct. That's one is hard to beat.

 

[GoneWrong]

How do you cope?

 

[Life+me=error]

Maybe you are not desperate enough to die? But regardless, don't be hard on yourself.

Welcome to SS :)

 

[Jolene40]

... I have found myself here. I always assumed suicide would be relatively easy once the choice was made. But the problems with achieving it are much greater than I expected and it seems to have opened up a new, whole world of problems for me, I feel trapped

I know exactly how you feel. I have a multitude of illnesses and assumed it would be an easy case of doing it to end the suffering. Once I started looking into it I realised there was no easy way. I don't want to die either which makes this so horrific. I want to live but my symptoms are so horrific I want some control over it all before I'm at a point where I have none and am stuck in a bed.
Do you feel trapped by people in your life?
I have a little one and am hanging on desperately for him. I'm apart from him in hospital and virtually live here as I'm so sick. Pro actively leaving is another thing though. I know how tormented you feel.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

How do you cope?

Most of us cope by just talking through it. There seem to be only a small percentage of people that are able to overcome SI and go through with it (based on my short time in this forum), imo.

I personally believe most of our strong ideations stem from years of pain due to not having a safe place to talk openly. Going through life pretending to not have suicidal thoughts only to please others and to prevent the repeat cycle of wasteful hospital stays is denial of self and will eventually lead to self loathing or worse mental breakdown. Once people are able to discuss their feelings and reasons they often see new ideas and reasons to continue living or at least try another way. There is even a level of acceptance that makes them feel less 'defective' which is much better than being labeled as 'ill' for having desires that don't agree with the laws in their country.

When people feel accepted and not forced to think a certain way their true inner desires are revealed. Having a group that respects those desires brings much peace and comfort in their decisions. Those that move forward often do so from a more rational perspective. Others start to have some level of hope in a future.

 

[Severen]

... I have found myself here. I always assumed suicide would be relatively easy once the choice was made. But the problems with achieving it are much greater than I expected and it seems to have opened up a new, whole world of problems for me, I feel trapped

For me, the only problem is that I'm picky when it comes to where I want to die and how I want to die because I want the process to be as unpleasant as possible and I don't want to wake up in a hospital as a vegetable or worse... I've seen videos of people after they failed a suicide attempt and that is some horrific shit... There was this one video of a guy who tried to commit suicide with a shotgun... Well, he just ended up in the hospital alive but with half his head missing. I also don't want to end up in the news so idiots can use me to further their agenda and talk shit about me with the possibility of me not being able to pay them a visit for talking shit about me... Because I have zero tolerance for disrespect and I don't want to be rolling around in my grave, pissed off because people are talking shit about me and there is nothing I can do about it. My survival instinct said "Fuck it, along time ago."

 

[Crystal Labeija]

Well, you are trying to override 3.8 billion years of evolutionary survival instinct, so it will not be easy. However, what is not easy is an ideal convenient suicide.

 

[Severen]

Well, you are trying to override 3.8 billion years of evolutionary survival instinct, so it will not be easy. However, what is not easy is an ideal convenient suicide.

Nature has given us instincts to make us avoid pain and suffering too. That's why people were jumping out of the windows of the World Trade Center when 9/11 happened. Because who wants to die in a fire. I don't think they had much time to think about it, probably just a minute?

 

[TAW122]

Indeed, the Survival Instinct is very hard to overcome and don't be too hard on yourself. As some members on here have experienced, even with a reliable method, the SI is oftenly too strong that it prevents the final step (whether it be the 3/4 inch of a trigger pull, the last step before falling off a height, holding on to the last minute or so for the ligature (hanging), etc.) from being taken.

For me, the only problem is that I'm picky when it comes to where I want to die and how I want to die because I want the process to be as unpleasant as possible and I don't want to wake up in a hospital as a vegetable or worse... I've seen videos of people after they failed a suicide attempt and that is some horrific shit... There was this one video of a guy who tried to commit suicide with a shotgun... Well, he just ended up in the hospital alive but with half his head missing. I also don't want to end up in the news so idiots can use me to further their agenda and talk shit about me with the possibility of me not being able to pay them a visit for talking shit about me... Because I have zero tolerance for disrespect and I don't want to be rolling around in my grave, pissed off because people are talking shit about me and there is nothing I can do about it. My survival instinct said "Fuck it, along time ago."

I share the same sentiments as well, and while I don't want others to use me as their poster boy for suicide prevention, sadly, there isn't much I can do (even if I wanted to) after my death. As for the video of a guy who tried to commit suicide, either he used the wrong load or most likely aimed under the chin, which has a much greater chance of failure than in the mouth at a low angle and as far back as possible to hit (or destroy) the brainstem. Also, if aiming to high in the mouth can result in blowing off the frontal lobe (effectively lobotomizing the person) and still being alive. Usually people who botched the technique and died usually die from secondary causes such as blood loss, shock, or other internal injuries rather than just hitting the brainstem itself.

 

[Severen]

Indeed, the Survival Instinct is very hard to overcome and don't be too hard on yourself. As some members on here have experienced, even with a reliable method, the SI is oftenly too strong that it prevents the final step (whether it be the 3/4 inch of a trigger pull, the last step before falling off a height, holding on to the last minute or so for the ligature (hanging), etc.) from being taken.


I share the same sentiments as well, and while I don't want others to use me as their poster boy for suicide prevention, sadly, there isn't much I can do (even if I wanted to) after my death. As for the video of a guy who tried to commit suicide, either he used the wrong load or most likely aimed under the chin, which has a much greater chance of failure than in the mouth at a low angle and as far back as possible to hit (or destroy) the brainstem. Also, if aiming to high in the mouth can result in blowing off the frontal lobe (effectively lobotomizing the person) and still being alive. Usually people who botched the technique and died usually die from secondary causes such as blood loss, shock, or other internal injuries rather than just hitting the brainstem itself.

Yeah, he probably used the wrong kind of ammo. Probably because he didn't have access to a website like this... And if only he had help, he wouldn't have had to deal with living life with half his head missing... I believe in an after life and I think it's possible to come back to Earth as a spirit. I can't convince anyone of this though because all my evidence backing this up is anecdotal. I mean, it's kind of hard not to believe in ghosts when you've seen one face to face when you were completely sober etc(not under the influence of anything that could make you hallucinate etc) even though the majority of people say they don't exist... And the people who hallucinate and think they are dealing with ghosts, do not actually encounter ghosts face to face who look like human beings... So I do believe, I can come back to Earth and scare the shit out of people who have pissed me off in life. And I will if they give me no choice.

 

[PatKat]

How do you cope?

I journal, keep a daily mood tracker, and make updates 6 to 8 times a day, breathing exercises, I drink cold water, and I have tried DBT and CBT but do not understand them maybe I'm doing them wrong IDK.

As soon as I have the means to get ECT and back on my 7 medications I will have those also. I just hope it isnt to late. I do not want to die I just do not want to be tortured anymore is all. This pain is unbearable.

 

[Crystal Labeija]

Nature has given us instincts to make us avoid pain and suffering too. That's why people were jumping out of the windows of the World Trade Center when 9/11 happened. Because who wants to die in a fire. I don't think they had much time to think about it, probably just a minute?

It's really hard to say because, in that moment, multiple things are at play. Survival instinct, an instinct to avoid pain, panic, confusion...etc. They also might have wanted to avoid dying from the building collapsing.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Nature has given us instincts to make us avoid pain and suffering too. That's why people were jumping out of the windows of the World Trade Center when 9/11 happened. Because who wants to die in a fire. I don't think they had much time to think about it, probably just a minute?

Exactly what I was thinking...exactly. Faced with a terrible and agonizing death those poor souls chose, what for them, was the only reasonable thing to do. Unfortunate that such courage is denied the rest of us...tragic. It is all tragic.