Can't believe im on here tbh!

[MeltingHeart]

Anyone find it very surreal to be on here?-like they cant believe its come to this-like they could have had a chance of a good life-but a few too many woes and regrets and being let down by people and have lost all hope and how sad and tragic it is to now be spending time on a suicide forum when you aImost had an ok life-but too much shit went down and you finally cracked- feel like im in an alternate reality- a living nightmare. I keep hoping I will wake up and be in a different life! Wish I could just start over again-but ya can't can you? It's so sad.

 

[Jolene40]

Yes 100% feel that way. Even more so because it's all so taboo and alienating to even admit you are struggling in this society.

 

[gingerplum]

Anyone find it very surreal to be on here?-like they cant believe its come to this-like they could have had a chance of a good life-but a few too many woes and regrets and being let down by people and have lost all hope and how sad and tragic it is to now be spending time on a suicide forum when you aImost had an ok life-but too much shit went down and you finally cracked- feel like im in an alternate reality- a living nightmare. I keep hoping I will wake up and be in a different life! Wish I could just start over again-but ya can't can you? It's so sad.

I wish I had a do-over desperately, more than anything. Ironically, usually this forum is a distraction from my suicidal ideation, and a great place to support & be supported.

 

[Bathsheba]

I actually don't feel like that, only because I've been in a dark place for as long as I can remember .. as far as this site is concerned I feel like I've come home.

 

[woxihuanni]

No, I am OK with how I lived my life (though it was rather shitty), and I am OK with my decision now. Also I am glad to share compassion and comfort in our last days/months/years here, rather than going to death alone and unheard. If that comfort goes a little way to make anybody else thrive instead of ctb, that's great. It's the closest thing to a home I've ever had. I'm sorry that anybody else found themselves here, though. Wish life had been kinder to everyone here.

 

[Jolene40]

I wish I had a do-over desperately, more than anything. Ironically, usually this forum is a distraction from my suicidal ideation, and a great place to support & be supported.

Completely agree that I feel less alone and more supported on here than anywhere.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I wish I had a do-over desperately, more than anything. Ironically, usually this forum is a distraction from my suicidal ideation, and a great place to support & be supported.

really, your on here to distract from ideation? I am hoping it will strenghten my resolve to go through with it! The final push-so to speak

 

[Dawn0071111]

Welcome. You just told my story word for word. Every time I review my method, I am like.... damn. Who would have ever thought it would have come to this? To die alone.......

I wish I had a do-over desperately, more than anything. Ironically, usually this forum is a distraction from my suicidal ideation, and a great place to support & be supported.

I love the words: "do-over desperately..." sums up the ache in my heart........

 

[Stan]

really, your on here to distract from ideation? I am hoping it will strenghten my resolve to go through with it! The final push-so to speak

This place serves different purposes for different people. The common denominater is that it helps. Bit like Harry Potter's Chamber of Secrets

 

[Jolene40]

really, your on here to distract from ideation? I am hoping it will strenghten my resolve to go through with it! The final push-so to speak

Most people just want some element of control over their predicament. Coming here gives many some control allowing planning etc to take place. That in itself can actually hold off the sheer panic and desperation to ctb immediately I think.

 

[gingerplum]

really, your on here to distract from ideation? I am hoping it will strenghten my resolve to go through with it! The final push-so to speak

That wasn't originally my goal, but yes. I find that being part of the community and sharing makes me feel valued, and part of something bigger than myself.

If your goal is overcoming your survival instinct, there's plenty of ideas & motivation here for that as well.

Edit: But you knew that. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention and didn't realize you're not a newbie

 

[Dawn0071111]

Most people just want some element of control over their predicament. Coming here gives many some control allowing planning etc to take place. That in itself can actually hold off the sheer panic and desperation to ctb immediately I think.

This is so true. But I have made a DELIBERATE decision to not let my suicidal ideation to be something that I am using to cope and then just drop it.... I am intent on follow through....... Its hard to explian.. but I feel like I can't even let me BRAIN decide for me...... So even when i started to feel better, it felt like i was being betrayed by by body and chemistry..which I refuse to live in a feel like a victim of my own impulses, brain chemistry.... and will sabotage me at any damn moment...... Its crazy........lol

 

[MeltingHeart]

Most people just want some element of control over their predicament. Coming here gives many some control allowing planning etc to take place. That in itself can actually hold off the sheer panic and desperation to ctb immediately I think.

I guess what I mean it, unless you really want to do it why bother coming on here, just go get on with your life, it seems a strange perversity to come on to a suicide forum to stop yourself from suiciding-if you want to stop your self from having suicidal ideation then logically one can conclude you are not actually suicidal-does that make sense? not wanting to sound facetious, but I guess it something I dont understand. Like I cant comprehend coming on here- to stop myself feeling suicidal- but if this does work for some people-especially younger folk that are confused and temporarily down-then I am very glad that its gives then the time, respite and communtity to talk and think it over before they themselves do something they dont really want to do.

 

[Squiddy]

Anyone find it very surreal to be on here?-like they cant believe its come to this-like they could have had a chance of a good life-but a few too many woes and regrets and being let down by people and have lost all hope and how sad and tragic it is to now be spending time on a suicide forum when you aImost had an ok life-but too much shit went down and you finally cracked- feel like im in an alternate reality- a living nightmare. I keep hoping I will wake up and be in a different life! Wish I could just start over again-but ya can't can you? It's so sad.

Yeah. At first, I was lurking the forum and then a few weeks later, I actually join the site

 

[woxihuanni]

I guess what I mean it, unless you really want to do it why bother coming on here, just go get on with your life, it seems a strange perversity to come on to a suicide forum to stop yourself from suiciding-if you want to stop your self from having suicidal ideation then logically one can conclude you are not actually suicidal-does that make sense? not wanting to sound facetious, but I guess it something I dont understand. Like I cant comprehend coming on here- to stop myself feeling suicidal- but if this does work for some people-especially younger folk that are confused and temporarily down-then I am very glad that its gives then the time, respite and communtity to talk and think it over before they themselves do something they dont really want to do.

This has many answers but the most obvious one is that you cannot find any real support where you cannot voice your suicidal thoughts without being crapped on and threatened and patronised.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yes 100% feel that way. Even more so because it's all so taboo and alienating to even admit you are struggling in this society.

I tried to be open and admit I was and tried to ask for help- no one seemed to have the time or space to even listen, comfort or console or give me advice when I needed it most-before I felt this down-not even for a moment-and I am not normally down-and am a very undemanding person-even those closest to me had no time or heart enough to care-not even my best friends-and certainly no blood relatives-humans can be so so cruel & heartless

 

[Jolene40]

I guess what I mean it, unless you really want to do it why bother coming on here, just go get on with your life, it seems a strange perversity to come on to a suicide forum to stop yourself from suiciding-if you want to stop your self from having suicidal ideation then logically one can conclude you are not actually suicidal-does that make sense? not wanting to sound facetious, but I guess it something I dont understand. Like I cant comprehend coming on here- to stop myself feeling suicidal- but if this does work for some people-especially younger folk that are confused and temporarily down-then I am very glad that its gives then the time, respite and communtity to talk and think it over before they themselves do something they dont really want to do.

Sure I understand what you mean. I personally came here desperate and furious thinking how the hell do I end it. Then I realised oh it isn't thst easy. There's no magic way to do this. Then I found I garnered great comfort in being amongst others who are also suffering. That can be enough to just keep going for one more day and so on for many I guess.
I doubt many want to die! We want suffering to end. Support and understanding can ease some suffering and therefore keep one going another day.
If there were no such thing as SI and an easy option I'm sure most still here would not be!

 

[MeltingHeart]

That wasn't originally my goal, but yes. I find that being part of the community and sharing makes me feel valued, and part of something bigger than myself.

If your goal is overcoming your survival instinct, there's plenty of ideas & motivation here for that as well.

Edit: But you knew that. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention and didn't realize you're not a newbie

yep total newbie-never been on a forum before and perhaps not seeking a community in the same way some people are-though I am glad it does provide that for some people-I feel like im just filing time-till I can finally get the nerve to do it! I wonder if anyone would be able to trace that I had been on here before hand? That would be weird

 

[Rachel74]

I actually found this site my chance when looking at painless suicide methods. This site as been a huge eye opener to me, I always thought selfishly that I was the only one who felt like this but then I found you folks.
I find helping on here as helped me and my desire to die is less.

 

[Stan]

I guess what I mean it, unless you really want to do it why bother coming on here, just go get on with your life, it seems a strange perversity to come on to a suicide forum to stop yourself from suiciding-if you want to stop your self from having suicidal ideation then logically one can conclude you are not actually suicidal-does that make sense? not wanting to sound facetious, but I guess it something I dont understand. Like I cant comprehend coming on here- to stop myself feeling suicidal- but if this does work for some people-especially younger folk that are confused and temporarily down-then I am very glad that its gives then the time, respite and communtity to talk and think it over before they themselves do something they dont really want to do.

I think those that are 100% sure of cbting are in the minority. If reevaluating your situation based on what others can share, then its only a good thing, looking for a peaceful method - great place. Looking for like minded people going through similar issues to you, you'll probably find one. But I would urge caution on questioning why those who are here honestly for their reasons. Not sure I would question the legitimacy of those that do not have the same goal as you. You will notice that the forum also has a significant Recovery section.

 

[woxihuanni]

Sure I understand what you mean. I personally came here desperate and furious thinking how the hell do I end it. Then I realised oh it isn't thst easy. There's no magic way to do this. Then I found I garnered great comfort in being amongst others who are also suffering. That can be enough to just keep going for one more day and so on for many I guess.
I doubt many want to die! We want suffering to end. Support and understanding can ease some suffering and therefore keep one going another day.
If there were no such thing as SI and an easy option I'm sure most still here would not be!

Yeah I would've gone with a terrible method, or worse, stayed with the aftermath of it. But the most important thing is that, I have come into my own here. Fully accepted myself, cleared my mind, gained a new strength. The last traces of feeling rejected or regretful disappeared.

 

[Jolene40]

I tried to be open and admit I was and tried to ask for help- no one seemed to have the time or space to even listen, comfort or console or give me advice when I needed it most-before I felt this down-not even for a moment-and I am not normally down-and am a very undemanding person-even those closest to me had no time or heart enough to care-not even my best friends-and certainly no blood relatives-humans can be so so cruel & heartless

Through years of counselling and life experience I learnt that every single person is operating for themself. It isn't always intentionally selfish or to the detriment of others but this is human nature. There's no such thing as altruism, even this is to benefit the giver, to feel good about how kind and great they are. So when you're on the floor in a heap then most people want nothing at all to do with it as it doesn't serve them well at all. If it can't be easily fixed then not interested.
I try hide as much as I can. I see a counsellor and come here where I can be honest.

 

[CursedForDisaster]

Anyone find it very surreal to be on here?-like they cant believe its come to this-like they could have had a chance of a good life-but a few too many woes and regrets and being let down by people and have lost all hope and how sad and tragic it is to now be spending time on a suicide forum when you aImost had an ok life-but too much shit went down and you finally cracked- feel like im in an alternate reality- a living nightmare. I keep hoping I will wake up and be in a different life! Wish I could just start over again-but ya can't can you? It's so sad.

I've only let myself down but I agree, when I look back I would never imagine. This wasn't how I was told things would go, I always thought life got better as you grew up

 

[CTisME]

Anyone find it very surreal to be on here?-like they cant believe its come to this-like they could have had a chance of a good life-but a few too many woes and regrets and being let down by people and have lost all hope and how sad and tragic it is to now be spending time on a suicide forum when you aImost had an ok life-but too much shit went down and you finally cracked- feel like im in an alternate reality- a living nightmare. I keep hoping I will wake up and be in a different life! Wish I could just start over again-but ya can't can you? It's so sad.

I actually feel the opposite. Like ending up here is just destiny. I've known as long as I've known what suicide was that I would die that way.

 

[Lethe]

I always thought life got better as you grew up

Really? Didn't you ever look around yourself as a kid and wonder why all the adults were miserable assholes?

 

[CursedForDisaster]

Really? Didn't you ever look around yourself as a kid and wonder why all the adults were miserable assholes?

I hated life when I was young to an extent as well, the adults in my life said things got better. I did grow to realize that wasn't the case but feel like I took a lot for granted when I was younger

 

[MeltingHeart]

I think those that are 100% sure of cbting are in the minority. If reevaluating your situation based on what others can share, then its only a good thing, looking for a peaceful method - great place. Looking for like minded people going through similar issues to you, you'll probably find one. But I would urge caution on questioning why those who are here honestly for their reasons. Not sure I would question the legitimacy of those that do not have the same goal as you. You will notice that the forum also has a significant Recovery section.

I understand.

 

[WatermelonMel]

This is the last place I thought I would ever end up at but the place I belong in.

 

[MeltingHeart]

This is the last place I thought I would ever end up at but the place I belong in.

not sure people like to share too much personal info on here but I cant help but feel atleast half the posters are in their teens-and also from the tone of the posts-so its lots of the kind of worries of that age group and existential angst etc-that hopefully-and most likely they will slowly but surely grow out of-and go and live their lives-I hope so, they still have some hope left and time to make things right-I wish I could go back to that age.

 

[sanction]

@MeltingHeart Welcome to this forum. Do you mind sharing what it is that has brought you to this forum, and ultimately to this point in life?