Can't believe all I have to do now is wait

[Scacie]

It feels surreal to me that all I have to do now is wait. I ordered SN, antiemetics plus some sedatives and they are all being delivered to me now. I felt so calm when ordering everything. It was smooth, except for a mini heart attack when I thought I sent money to the wrong wallet. I wanted to CTB since I was 13, and can't believe I can finally do it soon. I can finally rest soon

 

[horo]

Why?

 

[Scacie]

Why?

So many things, from being trans in an incredibly transphobic country, to abusive parents and (many) mental illness. I dont want to go into too much detail as many are too painful for me to describe. But rest assured, this is what I want

 

[ExistHarm]

In my opinion, I think you should reconsider yourself being trans because it might be the reason why you suffer

what?

 

[just_erika]

Tha

In my opinion, I think you should reconsider yourself being trans because it might be the reason why you suffer

Lol that's not how that works.
Otherwise have you tried just not behind sad and depressed :/

 

[horo]

what?

I don't mind if you disagree but I think I can say my opinion when I want to.

 

[Scacie]

In my opinion, I think you should reconsider yourself being trans because it might be the reason why you suffer

Sorry? Reconsider myself being trans? When I was age 6 my dream was to one day cut off my dick. All I known then was that boys have that and girls dont, and I don't want it. I immediately knew I'm trans when i finally found the word to describe it at 14. Yes, being trans is the main reason I'm suffering. Being forced to repress it has given me so severe dissociations, and I missed so many opportunities normal to teen girls. But I wont ever 'reconsider' myself being trans, it is what I am, and nothing can change it.
I will do anything to be born a girl, anything. I want to be a mother one day, being pregnant with my own child, then taking care of them just seems like the best thing ever. And yet I cant. I'd take so much more mental anguish, abuse or whatever if it means I'm born one

 

[ExistHarm]

I don't mind if you disagree but I think I can say my opinion when I want to.

your opinion is transphobia?

 

[ExistHarm]

"Otherwise have you tried just not behind sad and depressed :/" I didn't understand what you mean by that

No I don't fear anything (except god) if I was transphobic I would her that she's wrong and disgusting but I didn't do that

"reconsider yourself being trans" is transphobia. its not a choice, its how some people are born.

 

[ExistHarm]

Well, there is still a lot of things you can try before CTB like for example killing your family as a revenge

" its how some people are born" , No it's not before 200 hundred years people weren't trans

advocating killing other people, transphobia. everyone please report this troll

 

[Scacie]

Well, there is still a lot of things you can try before CTB like for example killing your family as a revenge

" its how some people are born" , No it's not before 200 hundred years people weren't trans

Hah, don't get me wrong. I have definitely thought of it, especially during hypomania. When I'm hypomanic even the smallest thing makes me so so angry, and I have definitely thought about it over the years. I will never act on it though. My little brother still needs a source of income until he comes of age. Besides, I just don't want to and it isn't worth it.
I think back to 2 years ago, when my 'father' was choking so hard on something. I am the only one trained in first aid in the house, and I performed the Heimlich maneuver without a second thought, saving his life. Just purely instinct. I regret it so much. What did I get? Nothing, not even a thank you. I saved his shitty fucking life and I got nothing. I did get severe verbal abuse when he tried to starve my little brother months down the line and I had to call the cops though.
I used to think so much about hanging myself in his room, as a final revenge. I want him to remove my body while my cold dead eyes stare back. But I'm tired now, so tired. I just want to go, and make it peaceful. Thats the best kind of revenge, I think

 

[Scacie]

I said an example, I didn't told anyone to kill

Please reconsider yourself, I don't want you to go to hell

I'm leaving

Bai bai. I wont kill anyone (except myself). I don't believe in god, and if me being trans gets me to hell, so be it. At least I'll be with my own people there

 

[ExistHarm]

Bai bai. I wont kill anyone (except myself). I don't believe in god, and if me being trans gets me to hell, so be it. At least I'll be with my own people there

its always the christian religious that are pro-life, transphobic, and generally trolls. im sorry this thread got so derailed. i also received my SN recently and it has brought me some peace.

 

[Scacie]

its always the christian religious that are pro-life, transphobic, and generally trolls. im sorry this thread got so derailed. i also received my SN recently and it has brought me some peace.

Yea, this site has been nothing but nice to me, well except until just now that is. I'm so glad I found this place, to be with people I relate with. I'm glad you found peace with your SN, I can't wait to hold mine soon.

 

[etherealgoddess]

I said an example, I didn't told anyone to kill

Please reconsider yourself, I don't want you to go to hell

I'm leaving

I just want to say that going onto this site to save people because of religion and fear of persecution will not appeal to people. I can tell that you have good intent. It's not coming off that way, though.

 

[ratlover223]

In my opinion, I think you should reconsider yourself being trans because it might be the reason why you suffer

in my opinion, you're being transphobic. reconsider your life choices.

 

[ExistHarm]

in my opinion, you're being transphobic. reconsider your life choices.

misa misa....

 

[ratlover223]

misa misa....

quite right

 

[missingpeace]

That's great news, you must be so relieved. How did you manage to get them all from the one place? Can you PM me the source supplier? I already have SN but no AE or sedatives..

 

[Scacie]

That's great news, you must be so relieved. How did you manage to get them all from the one place? Can you PM me the source supplier? I already have SN but no AE or sedatives..

I got SN from IC, and AE+Sedatives from the same place I got my DIY HRT meds. It is probably legit, since many trans people order meds from there. WIll send a DM

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I don't mind if you disagree but I think I can say my opinion when I want to.

Eh no you can't.

Do NOT:
Harass, bully, attack or insult other members.
If someone is misbehaving or breaking the rules, report them instead. Do not troll or proselytize, meaning do not impose your views - no matter what they are - on others or make threads to get people riled up.
Direct hate towards others based on gender, race, or sex orientation
Do not use abusive language or direct hate towards others based on their race, gender, or sexual orientation. This is a very diverse community with many different types of people from different backgrounds.


Warming send

 

[lebrodude]

In my opinion, I think you should reconsider yourself being trans because it might be the reason why you suffer

It is the reason why a lot of trans people suffer however it is not a choice, it's how they are.
You can't just decide not to be Trans.
Show a little empathy.

 

[Sparr0w]

waiting is always the hardest part, isn't it?
i hope everything you ordered gets through to you okay!! :D

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel so relieved at the thought of finally being free from this awful world. It really sounds like you've suffered so much, so I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you are searching for. Life and humans certainly are so cruel.

 

[Midnight-rain]

Ignore the transphobe. They don't know what they're talking about and just spewed out incorrect information. You are who you say you are. May I ask what ae you'll be taking?

 

[Scacie]

SN, AE + sedatives (zopiclone + Mitrazapine)

Ignore the transphobe. They don't know what they're talking about and just spewed out incorrect information. You are who you say you are. May I ask what ae you'll be taking?

 

[HerculePoirot]

the reason why a lot of trans people suffer however it is not a choice, it's how they are.

Allow me to be a bit more accurate: it's even more how some others see them, especially those unable to tolerate people who are different.

 

[Viranamari]

I wish you luck. Hopefully, you'd be able to escape the undeserved suffering you had to go through. But you might want to reconsider your options. Also, ignore the transphobe comments here, they have no idea what they are talking about.

 

[Scacie]

I wish you luck. Hopefully, you'd be able to escape the undeserved suffering you had to go through. But you might want to reconsider your options. Also, ignore the transphobe comments here, they have no idea what they are talking about.

Thank you. I don't think I want to, nor do I have other options though. I talk about some of my struggles here, but many are way too deep and personal. It sends me spiraling even when I think about it. I usually only really(try to) process them after breakdowns, when i have no mental barriers left. I want to CTB, wanted to for so long now.

 

[Unending]

I don't mind if you disagree but I think I can say my opinion when I want to.

Yes, you're totally free to say your opinion and anyone here who wants to is free to tell you that it's a stupid opinion. That's how free speech works.