I tried to leave this forum. But the loneliness I feel without this supportive community is soul-crushing. Especially on Christmas and New Year my mood will be extremely fucked up. Though when I stay with this forum I get kind of paranoid due to the recent events. And I think a lot about it.
Today I have once again heard that poor people have a lower life expectancy. Still I am really scared about poverty. I watched a video where they say living in dignity with welfare is almost impossible. I think that too and this will be one of the biggest reasons for me to ctb.
A somewhat close friend who lives from welfare told me he is getting payed several thousand euros for a new job. He told me in the past he is fine with welfare and he does not care much about money. I think this was really the truth he is used to poverty since his childhood. I would do A LOT of things to get such an amount of money. I am so desperate about the whole situation. I see it (suicide) coming but I can do nothing about it.
During my break I have found a new Youtuber talking openly about suicide. It was really astonishing that Youtube does not forbid that. Though if I correctly remember there is also another promortalist/pro-death Youtuber. Oh and Adam Mayer Clayton (former member of SS on reddit and right to die activist) also talked about his suicide on the platform. Though he was no promortalist. He thought even antinatalists were crazy.
Coming back to life expectancy: the medication I take likely reduces the life expectancy. I once read up to 20 years. Lol. I hope very much this is true. I recently read that someone died due to multiple organ failure probably because he took the same type of medication.
However I am not sure how they measure it. Many people ctb with this illness,(psychosis) and almost noone in my country does not get the medication if the person has this illness. Moreover I think many people gain a lot of weight due to the medication. Many people get very overweight. Thank to the non-existent god this does not apply to me. I am eating way way less and have a lot of hunger every single day. But at least my eating disorder is happy with it. I hope this low life expectancy counts for me too. I favor a natural death in contrast to suicide.
Today I have once again heard that poor people have a lower life expectancy. Still I am really scared about poverty. I watched a video where they say living in dignity with welfare is almost impossible. I think that too and this will be one of the biggest reasons for me to ctb.
A somewhat close friend who lives from welfare told me he is getting payed several thousand euros for a new job. He told me in the past he is fine with welfare and he does not care much about money. I think this was really the truth he is used to poverty since his childhood. I would do A LOT of things to get such an amount of money. I am so desperate about the whole situation. I see it (suicide) coming but I can do nothing about it.
During my break I have found a new Youtuber talking openly about suicide. It was really astonishing that Youtube does not forbid that. Though if I correctly remember there is also another promortalist/pro-death Youtuber. Oh and Adam Mayer Clayton (former member of SS on reddit and right to die activist) also talked about his suicide on the platform. Though he was no promortalist. He thought even antinatalists were crazy.
Coming back to life expectancy: the medication I take likely reduces the life expectancy. I once read up to 20 years. Lol. I hope very much this is true. I recently read that someone died due to multiple organ failure probably because he took the same type of medication.
However I am not sure how they measure it. Many people ctb with this illness,(psychosis) and almost noone in my country does not get the medication if the person has this illness. Moreover I think many people gain a lot of weight due to the medication. Many people get very overweight. Thank to the non-existent god this does not apply to me. I am eating way way less and have a lot of hunger every single day. But at least my eating disorder is happy with it. I hope this low life expectancy counts for me too. I favor a natural death in contrast to suicide.
