Discussion Can you help me understand brazenly suicidal people?

[ikiruNObungaku]

I have a situation where I would like some opinions on, and if you were in this situation, I would like to know what you would think.

I have a group of friends, and one of them is actively suicidal. I've heard they been institutionalized before, but I do not know the background information of that. I am actively suicidal too, but we act very differently from each other. I do not like to tell anyone about my issues, nor do I like to publicly show any kind of sadness; I have a personal belief where all issues like this should be kept to myself as to not disturb others. This person vents a lot however, a large majority of the time. They are very open about their constant depression and grief. I think this is ok; everyone shows depression differently. I do not judge them of course.

Recently they have been doing a lot of weird repetitive scares. They leave their account, they come back. They switch their account, then switch back to their main account. Or they leave group chats, then come back. It is never more than a week between these things. During these times, the possibility of suicide always lingers in the air for them. They will let others know if they are about to do it though, like leave a message. It makes many of our friends constantly worried. But they will also be upset if help is called for them. This makes me confused. I do not know if this is suicide bait or not. But I think they are genuine in their grief and their possibility of attempting, so I would not call it that.

But I do not like the idea of constantly leaving our friends in such a worried state. Because of my beliefs, when I die, I will tell absolutely no one that I am about to do it in order to avoid things like that. I keep all my attempts private information as well, but this person does not. We express our depression and suicidal ideation in such different ways, and it is interesting. I do not hate them or anything like that, but seeing someone so different in thought process makes me feel off because I do not understand what they might be thinking.

Publicly telling others what you're about to do gives the instinctive response of them trying to save you, right? If I made it known I was about to die, and a friend of mine called for help, I would not be mad at my friend at all. I think that is a fair response. People who are not suicidal would not understand the concept of not wanting to be saved; the idea of just watching a friend just die is not good to them and naturally they will act. So, I am not sure why this person keeps doing this, or if it is maybe impulsive.

I would just like to understand this person better. So if you understand the way they are acting, or maybe you empathize greatly, could you tell me about it? I would like to better understand. I hope I am not offending anyone with this question or scenario.

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

For some, it's a way to "get back" at the world for putting them through this. A sort of "look at me now!" Defiance. Hearing about people's depression and suicidal tendencies makes people understandably really uncomfortable, and it's a way to show to the world you're suffering, often because of them. That's generally what it is, sorry for the bad description, but of course it's different for everyone... Love and peace, mate

 

[ikiruNObungaku]

For some, it's a way to "get back" at the world for putting them through this. A sort of "look at me now!" Defiance. Hearing about people's depression and suicidal tendencies makes people understandably really uncomfortable, and it's a way to show to the world you're suffering, often because of them. That's generally what it is, sorry for the bad description, but of course it's different for everyone... Love and peace, mate

Thank you so much for your reply! I never thought of it this way. But, isn't it bad to do this kind of thing toward friends who care about them the most? Or, do you think they do not consider that part?

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

Thank you so much for your reply! I never thought of it this way. But, isn't it bad to do this kind of thing toward friends who care about them the most? Or, do you think they do not consider that part?

Could be a caught in the crossfire kind of thing, or yeah they might also not care… also, completely unrelated- do you know why I can see signatures on one device but not another? I am currently using a Kindle paperwhite (my phone died…) and can see signatures, but can't see them on my phone. Is it because this one might register as a desktop version? sorry random question lol

 

[kipper]

I used to do this sort of thing for a few reasons. One, I genuinely believed I would go through with it and felt they should know. Two, attention seeking (not inherently a bad thing in my opinion.)
I was used to everyone in my offline life never hearing me out, had no one to talk to, so in my friendship circles and online I would be loud about it as it was my only outlet and I wanted the attention from it. But of course, I was also genuinely suffering.
I did stop this sort of behavior at some point because it made me seem unapproachable to others and I felt bad for putting people through it, though.

 

[ikiruNObungaku]

Could be a caught in the crossfire kind of thing, or yeah they might also not care… also, completely unrelated- do you know why I can see signatures on one device but not another? I am currently using a Kindle paperwhite (my phone died…) and can see signatures, but can't see them on my phone. Is it because this one might register as a desktop version? sorry random question lol

Oh I see. Also, I'm not sure about that. I only use the desktop version and that one I can always see signatures.

I used to do this sort of thing for a few reasons. One, I genuinely believed I would go through with it and felt they should know. Two, attention seeking (not inherently a bad thing in my opinion.)
I was used to everyone in my offline life never hearing me out, had no one to talk to, so in my friendship circles and online I would be loud about it as it was my only outlet and I wanted the attention from it. But of course, I was also genuinely suffering.
I did stop this sort of behavior at some point because it made me seem unapproachable to others and I felt bad for putting people through it, though.

That makes more sense. I will not bash them if they do it for attention seeking purposes of course, I think in some instances people just want to be seen, and that is ok. I guess the part that confused me the most is when they constantly put friends through the repetitive action of seeing if they're ok and calling for help.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's probably not fair to analyse/ judge them but- from what you've said, it does sound like they are trying to provoke attention. Presumably, because they enjoy people being concerned over them. That's not to say they aren't genuine about wanting to kill themselves. I suspect you can be suicidal and still want attention because of it.

It also seems a little unkind to me- towards the people that do care for them- repeatedly putting them through the wringer of worrying about them. I wonder if they will continue to forever. I imagine we've all read/ heard of: 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'.

As to why though- considering it means people may stop them- maybe they are still open to being stopped. Maybe they are open to staying alive- only with more support. Maybe they've threatened before and not been stopped so- they aren't so worried about that aspect of it. If they've already tried or threatened it multiple times, they may just consider that they can try again- if they are stopped. Do they have methods prepared do you know?

I agree though. It is curious how different people express or don't express ideation. Even the approach to an attempt itself can vary greatly.

I know someone who's attempted twice- when they were young. Both times, the attempts sounded pretty impulsive and in a very desperate emotional state. Whereas, I've had ideation for at least as long as them although- I doubt I'd start an attempt unless I felt confident it would work.

Neither of us could quite understand the other. My friend saw my logical, researched approach as weird. Whereas I tended to see their approach as too reckless to be thinking seriously about achieving death.

 

[Pangs93]

I do something similar, like suddenly disappearing from online spaces or from my friends. For me its just to isolate myself. I don't intend to scare anybody nor want them to worry. I just want to isolate myself, for a few reasons. To make myself feel worse as a punishment. Because I don't feel like I deserve support or because I feel like too much of a burden. Because I'm hoping to lessen the blow if I do CTB. Like they'll suddenly forget I exist if I go awol and won't care as much when I die.

Maybe you could ask your friend why they do it? Express to them that it causes you to worry and maybe ask that they still check in? I have that kinda set up with a couple friends, where I'll send signs of life (even if its just a single emoji) because I know otherwise they will worry and I wanna alleviate that worry without having to leave my hole of self isolation.

 

[ipmanwc0]

I used to be this way, it's because I only received attention and concern when I acted suicidal, and I did not have even that before let alone being truly cared about. It took me a long time to realize this and work through it and I still find myself acting depressed or better yet making myself depressed in order to make people care about me

 

[kipper]

That makes more sense. I will not bash them if they do it for attention seeking purposes of course, I think in some instances people just want to be seen, and that is ok. I guess the part that confused me the most is when they constantly put friends through the repetitive action of seeing if they're ok and calling for help.

Honestly, when I would do this sort of thing, I just never realized how it made people feel by doing that until one of my friends had a harsh mental breakdown over me and some others doing it. I was numb to a lot of things and had a warped perspective on it.

 

[ikiruNObungaku]

It's probably not fair to analyse/ judge them but- from what you've said, it does sound like they are trying to provoke attention. Presumably, because they enjoy people being concerned over them. That's not to say they aren't genuine about wanting to kill themselves. I suspect you can be suicidal and still want attention because of it.

It also seems a little unkind to me- towards the people that do care for them- repeatedly putting them through the wringer of worrying about them. I wonder if they will continue to forever. I imagine we've all read/ heard of: 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'.

As to why though- considering it means people may stop them- maybe they are still open to being stopped. Maybe they are open to staying alive- only with more support. Maybe they've threatened before and not been stopped so- they aren't so worried about that aspect of it. If they've already tried or threatened it multiple times, they may just consider that they can try again- if they are stopped. Do they have methods prepared do you know?

I agree though. It is curious how different people express or don't express ideation. Even the approach to an attempt itself can vary greatly.

I know someone who's attempted twice- when they were young. Both times, the attempts sounded pretty impulsive and in a very desperate emotional state. Whereas, I've had ideation for at least as long as them although- I doubt I'd start an attempt unless I felt confident it would work.

Neither of us could quite understand the other. My friend saw my logical, researched approach as weird. Whereas I tended to see their approach as too reckless to be thinking seriously about achieving death.

Your past situation seems exactly like my current one! I also thought of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' with their situation, and sometimes I feel like it is beginning to happen, especially since their methods are not prepared and spontaneous. However, we have good friends who still check on them always. I never thought that maybe they would see logical approaches like mine also weird; we are like you and the person you know. But with these replies, I think I see that they just put emotions first over practicality. But I hope that because they doubt dying a little, they will try to find the means to live if life gets better.

I do not mean to judge their actions at all, but I only want to understand them better. I hope it is not too weird that I analyze them in such a way, but I always have such a very hard time understanding emotions, so I need them explained to me.

I do something similar, like suddenly disappearing from online spaces or from my friends. For me its just to isolate myself. I don't intend to scare anybody nor want them to worry. I just want to isolate myself, for a few reasons. To make myself feel worse as a punishment. Because I don't feel like I deserve support or because I feel like too much of a burden. Because I'm hoping to lessen the blow if I do CTB. Like they'll suddenly forget I exist if I go awol and won't care as much when I die.

Maybe you could ask your friend why they do it? Express to them that it causes you to worry and maybe ask that they still check in? I have that kinda set up with a couple friends, where I'll send signs of life (even if its just a single emoji) because I know otherwise they will worry and I wanna alleviate that worry without having to leave my hole of self isolation.

I see. I like to isolate myself too, but I never explain the reason why. They sometimes do not explain but they made the reason very obvious.

I am worried that if I have a talk with them, it might make our relationship strained because of our different outlooks on suicide. But maybe I can be open to it one day and maybe it will also help. I hope that they can still be helped, as I see that they still have some doubt.

Honestly, when I would do this sort of thing, I just never realized how it made people feel by doing that until one of my friends had a harsh mental breakdown over me and some others doing it. I was numb to a lot of things and had a warped perspective on it.

My biggest fear is this happening to them. I know it would probably hurt them very much if a friend were to possibly express this.

 

[pickedmyctbdate]

Sounds attention-seeking to me also, which I also mean without judgment. Almost everyone wants attention, usually of the positive variety, but the negative kind will meet the same need in a pinch.

It sound like this person wants to be chased after ans told, "No, no, don't do it! *I* like you!" and this is (I don't know maybe learned behavior? I mean, we are basically monkeys and monkey-see-monkey-do. I'm just spitballing, obviously.

But I'm guessing negative attention is better than none at all. That's what it sounds like from you description.

 

[dreamofnofuture]

I have a situation where I would like some opinions on, and if you were in this situation, I would like to know what you would think.

I have a group of friends, and one of them is actively suicidal. I've heard they been institutionalized before, but I do not know the background information of that. I am actively suicidal too, but we act very differently from each other. I do not like to tell anyone about my issues, nor do I like to publicly show any kind of sadness; I have a personal belief where all issues like this should be kept to myself as to not disturb others. This person vents a lot however, a large majority of the time. They are very open about their constant depression and grief. I think this is ok; everyone shows depression differently. I do not judge them of course.

Recently they have been doing a lot of weird repetitive scares. They leave their account, they come back. They switch their account, then switch back to their main account. Or they leave group chats, then come back. It is never more than a week between these things. During these times, the possibility of suicide always lingers in the air for them. They will let others know if they are about to do it though, like leave a message. It makes many of our friends constantly worried. But they will also be upset if help is called for them. This makes me confused. I do not know if this is suicide bait or not. But I think they are genuine in their grief and their possibility of attempting, so I would not call it that.

But I do not like the idea of constantly leaving our friends in such a worried state. Because of my beliefs, when I die, I will tell absolutely no one that I am about to do it in order to avoid things like that. I keep all my attempts private information as well, but this person does not. We express our depression and suicidal ideation in such different ways, and it is interesting. I do not hate them or anything like that, but seeing someone so different in thought process makes me feel off because I do not understand what they might be thinking.

Publicly telling others what you're about to do gives the instinctive response of them trying to save you, right? If I made it known I was about to die, and a friend of mine called for help, I would not be mad at my friend at all. I think that is a fair response. People who are not suicidal would not understand the concept of not wanting to be saved; the idea of just watching a friend just die is not good to them and naturally they will act. So, I am not sure why this person keeps doing this, or if it is maybe impulsive.

I would just like to understand this person better. So if you understand the way they are acting, or maybe you empathize greatly, could you tell me about it? I would like to better understand. I hope I am not offending anyone with this question or scenario.

I would assume this is a cry for help. They're still optimistic or hopeful that someone will show they care. Typically those of us who are closer to jumping are so close the ledge bc there was no substantive attempts or reasons to hold us back. Just my guess though.​