I'm close to my 40a now and i have never been successful to have a relationship. Unfortunately gay community has very unrealistic standards, and i think I'll be always single until the day I die. Maybe I'm ugly or have unattractive personality i don't know. I work in palliative care facility seeing people suffer and die alone creeps me out. I don't want to be in their shoes one day. Even my close and extended family don't claim me anymore( they don't recognize me as one of them) because I'm gay. Deep inside me i see this a very valid reason to end it all.
The title is a little misleading but I read the rest of your post and I sympathize.
It's true that the standards for appearance in the gay community can be especially harsh and toxic (this is a valid complaint I've heard brought up by many men), but they aren't much better in general anyway.
Society at large is absolutely obsessed with looks (and status), whether people want to admit it or not, if you aren't up to par, you will suffer (no matter the gender or sexual identity). If it's your personality, then you may be in luck by way of self examination to see what the issue is, and conquer it.
There may be other unrealistic expectations I am not aware of, I'm sorry you feel alone and have to experience these disadvantages.
Most of my own family does not care for me or my struggles either, nor would they be caught dead staking a claim to me unless it meant they would benefit substantially.