Discussion Can bullying in young years cause permanent low self esteem?

[Hornyaboutdeath]

Title. Is it possible?

 

[TheQ22]

yes

 

[Hornyaboutdeath]

yes

please further explain this thank you .

 

[LenkaX]

Bullying in young years will never bring anything good in adulthood. The trauma is everlasting.

 

[7ighway]

Yes, especially if it comes from their own family, bc it'll most likely lead the victim to feel like even the ones that knew them personally couldn't love them

 

[TheQ22]

Because as a child, particularly a child from a decent home and who cares about other people, to be attacked, physically or verbally by others leads to you (one person) deciding that they (a group of people) must be able to detect something in you that is weak/inferior/wrong/less than they are, and so your naive conclusion is that they must be picking on me because i am faulty, and once that neuroplasty becomes set it is almost impossible to change.

When actually the truth is they're a bunch of twats who are probably doing to you what they have done to them at home, they need to make someone else feel worse/weaker than they do in order to feel anything positive about themselves, i.e. someone else is weaker than they are - their adult abuser is too strong for them so they feel weak, if they can be stronger than someone else then they are not the weakest and may be able to survive, because you'll get eaten first - because we work by comparing ourselves against others.

Hence why comparison websites do so well, and hence the saying "some people can only feel taller if they cut the heads of other people".

 

[Good4Nothing]

Yes. I was bullied by my step father since I was 5. I'm permanently damaged. No self esteem, no confidence. I hate him for what he did to me. It affects every aspect of my life. He effectively guaranteed I would have no chance in this life. He broke me. I'm 48, and I've never gotten over it, it's branded on my psyche. It's an ingrained part of me.

 

[sideswipe84]

YES!!! My father was a truly terrible person. I'm sure he is to this day if he's still around. i struggled with all the torment put on me for years. I still struggle. I struggled with being able to talk to girls I liked and consequently was labelled something I'm not for not being confident in myself. That might sound petty, but theirs a whole lot more to it. My father wasn't the only one, peers in school, my brother, my grandmother all had something against me and I've never been able to get over any of it and now...I'm cautious around anyone.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yes it does. Things that happen in childhood can cause lasting trauma and self esteem issues ..whether it's bullying, abuse or negative experience it all plays into how the person is shaped as an adult. I grew up being bullied put down and shamed so it takes a toll and my perpetual low self-esteem definitely stems from that.

 

[Squiddy]

It did for me and also caused PTSD

 

[Hornyaboutdeath]

Yes it does. Things that happen in childhood can cause lasting trauma and self esteem issues ..whether it's bullying, abuse or negative experience it all plays into how the person is shaped as an adult. I grew up being bullied put down and shamed so it takes a toll and my perpetual low self-esteem definitely stems from that.

Right. I can definitely see that as I was bullied myself and now as an adult I can understand why my self esteem is lower than shit to the point where I have no social life.

Maybe the answer I'm looking for is something like ,
you can get BPD from childhood trauma and BPD patients are known for having chronic low self esteem.

Maybe (most probably) there are some development issues regarding most bullying scenarios and in turn how it also branches out to several mental disorders.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Right. I can definitely see that as I was bullied myself and now as an adult I can understand why my self esteem is lower than shit to the point where I have no social life.

Maybe the answer I'm looking for is something like ,
you can get BPD from childhood trauma and BPD patients are known for having chronic low self esteem.

Maybe (most probably) there are some development issues regarding most bullying scenarios and in turn how it also branches out to several mental disorders.

I have bpd and yes a therapist I went to said that bpd can definitely result from childhood trauma. I definitely think being bullied sets someone up for mental issues in life like chronic depression as well. Childhood is such formative years and being bullied makes a child think they are worthless and don't matter and it's sad that sticks with them and carries into adulthood (that's been my experience and many like me who I have talked with)

 

[sideswipe84]

One thing I'd like to add about most bullies, typically theyre only lashing out towards others for a few reasons. A) they themselves are bullied at home or far worse. B) they honestly think it's cool.
Neither of which are acceptable. No child should be brought into the world only to suffer from abusive family members. no person should have to endure torment from peers at school or elsewhere. I believe in standing up for ourselves or others. Sadly, this has a reverse effect: meaning if a bullied child fights back to the bully they themselves are reprimanded or worse by schools or "justice" systems.
Though that's just my worthless two Pence.

 

[DeathNoot]

Yes, a lot of personality disorders are caused by childhood issues.

Right. I can definitely see that as I was bullied myself and now as an adult I can understand why my self esteem is lower than shit to the point where I have no social life.

Maybe the answer I'm looking for is something like ,
you can get BPD from childhood trauma and BPD patients are known for having chronic low self esteem.

Maybe (most probably) there are some development issues regarding most bullying scenarios and in turn how it also branches out to several mental disorders.

Yes, my disorder can also be caused by childhood trauma (AVPD). It also involves chronic low confidence. Although bullying wasn't specifically the case for me, there's definitely a variety of issues one can (and will?) develop from that.

 

[Soulless Angel]

childhood trauma of any kinda, can leave a imprint on how you devolp, your brain as a child is still forming and growing and learning, Any negative impact will stay with you for life, whether you realise it or not
I was bullied aand abused in many ways,at home and at school, I kept it buried down but the last 18months its hit me fucking hard

 

[ladolcemorte]

All I have is anecdotal evidence from my own life, but based on that, yes, 100 times yes...

 

[Sinai Silence]

I think any sort of major negative experience and trauma in youth comes back to haunt that person in adulthood. From my experience bullying has made it next to impossible for me to communicate and people, I also never stand up for myself over anything.

 

[overcomingfear]

I think any sort of major negative experience and trauma in youth comes back to haunt that person in adulthood. From my experience bullying has made it next to impossible for me to communicate and people, I also never stand up for myself over anything.

Same, can't stand up most times. It's like a mental block. I've read that when primary caretaker goes away, at 2-3 years of age child feels abandoned and child's development is fucked

 

[Toptock]

Is there some kind of dividing line between what could be considered appropriate to be considered trauma? IE: if a parent isn't abusive per-se but has abusive habits that affect the child later? Or even just a really bad argument that one felt was unfair? How are these things measured in the scale of trauma vs something like being locked in a closet from a young age?

 

[Nymph]

I'd say yes especially considering how I turned out. I was bullied in kindergarten, elementary school and high school. Got picked on because of my looks and things I liked. I have sever anxiety, panic attacks and depression. I've had low self esteem since I was small and it's still the same. I don't like talking or meeting new people. I like being alone, probably because most people I was around proved me that being alone is better. I do believe I have trauma from all the bullying

 

[Klee]

I think so. I was bullied by adults and children my own age growing up - I think about them both regularly, and they continue to squash my self esteem today - although it is probably the bullying from the adults that has affected me more.

 

[checkouttime]

I would expect so

It really frustrates me when someone is bullied..i won't take shit off nobody's,I could never be bullied.not too say people never tried when i was younger,I always fought back or said something. It even more so infuriates me when people get bullied online. as its just someone on a keyboard pretending their someone their not, doing it to make themselves feel better.

Now what i do understand is not everyone is the same, some people are effected by things a lot more than others........exactly what bullys are looking for.
It absolutely infuriates me though, i just want to tell them. don't listen to these idiots, they mean nothing.why care what a nobody looser, who tries to make a person feel bad about themselves, to make themselves feel better, thinks.

All the people getting physically abused ,I just want to go beat up the abuser!!! not saying i can beat every person up, but i'll defo give it a go.....and if i couldn't........ I'll go grab a bat

people picking on someone vulnerable, just makes my blood boil.

 

[overcomingfear]

don't listen to these idiots, they mean nothing.why care what a nobody looser, who tries to make a person feel bad about themselves, to make themselves feel better, thinks.

Thank you for saying this. You are right. It makes me feel better

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Is there some kind of dividing line between what could be considered appropriate to be considered trauma? IE: if a parent isn't abusive per-se but has abusive habits that affect the child later? Or even just a really bad argument that one felt was unfair? How are these things measured in the scale of trauma vs something like being locked in a closet from a young age?

I'm not sure if this helps at all...but trauma is basically an event that was incredibly emotionally distressing. It's very subjective. I was traumatized by hearing my parents scream and swear at each other (among other things), but as far as I know I was never beaten or heavily abused. It's easy to downplay trauma because "others had it worse"

 

[overcomingfear]

I'm not sure if this helps at all...but trauma is basically an event that was incredibly emotionally distressing. It's very subjective. I was traumatized by hearing my parents scream and swear at each other (among other things), but as far as I know I was never beaten or heavily abused. It's easy to downplay trauma because "others had it worse"

Yes, it's subjective. Can't know what other people feel, therefore it's incomparable

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Yes, it's subjective. Can't know what other people feel, therefore it's incomparable

Absolutely.

 

[muffin222]

Yes. I developed depression as a child due to bullying, and it continues to affect my ability to form friends to this day. I just don't trust people even if they seem to like me

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I don't think that any kind of emotional damage has to be permanent. I do believe that bullying can cause self-esteem and other issues. But humans have the ability to recover, though they may not have the means. Sometimes it's a matter of a lot of work and effort to heal, and sometimes it's a matter of a lightbulb coming on from hearing something, thinking something, seeing someone else as an example, etc. For instance,I have PTSD, and I do a lot of love and self-care. But then I read something cruel and harsh in a book about using firearms for self-defense, and the guy basically said, "If you're going to go on about your namby-pamby PTSD BS, this isn't the method for you." At first I was really pissed, but he was also right. I need to be a fighter just as much as I need to be gentle with myself, and not go into a place of wallowing in self-pity. That's too much just as raging and being antisocial is too much. So that asshole, who is definitely an asshole, also helped me with my resilience.

Not to be pendantic, but sometimes language is important and can help or hinder perspective.

Self-esteem is a matter of liking and can be conditional. Someone who's a total jerk can esteem that about themselves. Someone may only have high esteem for someone who is thin, and loses esteem if they gain weight, and may feel the same about themselves.

Then there's self-respect, and that's more a matter of boundaries and knowing what's okay and not okay, and not accepting less than that. Letting someone get away with what's not okay causes resentment. Sometimes we can't stop someone from doing something, but speaking up, saying no, and defending oneself reflects self-respect, so that even if one loses in a situation, they don't lose themselves. Self-respect can be built, bit by bit. Self-respect can also be built when one knows what is right and wrong and so respects others' boundaries even if they don't act in agreement with one's own wishes and convenience, so it's a matter of managing self-boundaries, and not resenting one's own self for overriding them.

Finally, there's self-worth, and I think that ties in with self-respect. It's a matter of knowing that all humans have rights and inherent value, and honoring that the self is human and therefore has the same rights and inherent values as others. Knowing is worthy of better treatment will go a long way toward not accepting bad treatment and recovering from it. I know some folks say they just can't do that. I don't know how to respond. If one believes they can't, then they probably can't. If one believes that damage is permanent, then there's a good chance it will be. If one believes they have no resilience and don't come back fighting from anything ever, then I don't know how to tell them what to do to build it.

Not every solution works for everyone unfortunately. I think that if one stops looking for solutions, even after one or more solution has failed or hasn't been a match, then it's kind of like a baby bird giving up breaking out of the shell. If they do, then there will still be more challenges and work. Life is just like that. There's a lot to master and it takes a lot of effort and a lot of building of strength and skills. Once they're built, things take less effort to maintain.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Not to be pendantic, but sometimes language is important and can help or hinder perspective

I say this a lot with your posts, and I'm sorry if it's annoying, but this is yet another good and insightful point. A counselor and I had a good discussion on how it's important to pay attention to the language we use for this reason.

 

[muffin222]

I don't think that any kind of emotional damage has to be permanent.

I agree in a sense, but chronic stress and trauma in childhood without supportive adult intervention to buffer the impact does lead to some permanent damage and higher potential for adverse health outcomes in adulthood. Our emotions do impact our bodies, and unyielding stress can lead to structural changes in a child's brain if not mitigated. The brain is plastic, so we can form new mental pathways, but it doesn't necessarily erase the old ones created by the emotional damage. In this sense, it is permanent. We can form new, healthier pathways, but the old ones will still remain and we will inevitably from time to time default back to those pathways because they're more deeply ingrained.