Discussion Can bullying in young years cause permanent low self esteem?

[GoodPersonEffed]

I say this a lot with your posts, and I'm sorry if it's annoying, but this is yet another good and insightful point. A counselor and I had a good discussion on how it's important to pay attention to the language we use for this reason.

It's not annoying, I don't feel love bombed, I appreciate the positive constructive feedback.

In grad school I was really into semiology, how we make meaning using language, and it really is important.

In fact, the structure of a language can play a major role in a culture, so there will be some differences in cultures and individuals that use a romance vs a germanic vs an arabic language.

We evolved because of structural changes in our thumbs becoming opposable, walking upright, in our vocal structures, and in language. Language is kind of a big deal and strongly influences our perceptions and actions.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

In fact, the structure of a language can play a major role in a culture, so there will be some differences in cultures and individuals that use a romance vs a germanic vs an arabic language.

Oooh, this is interesting. I never really thought about that. But I also don't really know the difference between the three other than geography lol. Is it like how there seem to be a lot of Japanese words that describe nature that don't have a direct English word...er, transcription? Translation? Like how there's a specific word for sunlight shining through trees or something.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Oooh, this is interesting. I never really thought about that. But I also don't really know the difference between the three other than geography lol. Is it like how there seem to be a lot of Japanese words that describe nature that don't have a direct English word...er, transcription? Translation? Like how there's a specific word for sunlight shining through trees or something.

It is interesting! I could so easily go off on a tangent to explore social dominance within and between languages and derail the thread. Holding myself back!

 

[BitterlyAlive]

It is interesting! I could so easily go off on a tangent to explore social dominance within and between languages and derail the thread. Holding myself back!

You can always PM me. I probably won't be able to follow along But hey

 

[Hornyaboutdeath]

I don't

Can you list 10 things that you need to master in life? What is there to master?
Social skills?

 

[Panna]

Yes, my parents would leave me and my brother in day care because they had "careers". Well this black boy, his brother, and a white teen who were much older than me, would beat me for trying to speak, or laugh at my ideas. Because of them, I've had lots of self-esteem issues and emotions troubles throughout my life. It's no excuse to simply blame them, but even now as an adult, I still have trouble expressing myself in public or even trying to talk to anyone opposite sex, and I resent them wholeheartedly for it.

 

[2Min2Midnight]

It depends, if as a young child you develop various pathologies and obsessions as a result of the bullying then yes it cause cause problems for the rest of your life. Even if you can identify the exact mental processes at play and attend to them with psychotherapy or CBT they may still rear their heads in a future setting.

Here's an anecdote, as an adult I test pretty highly on a standardized IQ test but as a child I was placed in a special ed class as they diagnosed me with ADD, this realization and the subsequent stigmatization by the kids in the other classes led me to believe that I was somehow deficient and stupid. Beliefs and feelings can become self fulfilling prophecies and I really battled through high school but only because I figured "Fuck it, I cannot do well in these subjects anyway so why try at all".

This persistent feeling of not being good enough has held me back from ever really applying myself to any of my career prospects even though I intellectually know that it's just faulty reasoning and false beliefs at play.

 

[icanhasnick]

Bullying is a group mechanism to put pressure on the (perceived) inadequate. Sometimes it turns out that they weren't inadequate, but just different, which was the heuristic that got them bullied in the first place. Sometimes, they were inadequate and the social pressure motivates them to change and become better and thus be a success for the mechanism: it caused them to become a better version of themselves, one less likely to be bullied. And naturally sometimes they just fail, and get "permanent low self esteem" or somesuch. But one must bear in mind that there can't be success without failure, the possibility of failing must exist if success is to be something meaningful.

Bullying is only bad for those who fail it. Otherwise it's just normal, healthy social hierarchy-building.

 

[Hornyaboutdeath]

Bullying is a group mechanism to put pressure on the (perceived) inadequate. Sometimes it turns out that they weren't inadequate, but just different, which was the heuristic that got them bullied in the first place. Sometimes, they were inadequate and the social pressure motivates them to change and become better and thus be a success for the mechanism: it caused them to become a better version of themselves, one less likely to be bullied. And naturally sometimes they just fail, and get "permanent low self esteem" or somesuch. But one must bear in mind that there can't be success without failure, the possibility of failing must exist if success is to be something meaningful.

Bullying is only bad for those who fail it. Otherwise it's just normal, healthy social hierarchy-building.

But bullying can also be totally random.

 

[icanhasnick]

Everyone gets teased/tested a bit, especially when they are new in a space, when they are seen as different, etc, and if they handle it well it will have been just a bit. If they fail the test, a test as universal as it gets, only then are they properly bullied and "permanent low self esteem" and such. Bullying is the symptom of failure to cope with social interaction. Some people fail more than others. It's not random, even if it's still "very unfair" from the subjective eye of the failure.

Sure some couldn't possibly not fail. But it's much like suicide, it doesn't just happen at random.

 

[Hornyaboutdeath]

Bullying is the symptom of failure to cope with social interaction. Some people fail more than others. It's not random, even if it's still "very unfair" from the subjective eye of the failure.

Sure some couldn't possibly not fail. But it's much like suicide, it doesn't just happen at random.

I disagree with that statement.
Bullying can be about lots of things, doesn't have to be anything about the social aspect.
Bullying can obviously be random and the target picked for bullying can in fact be so random that it was nothing about the person at all that made the bullies pick the person in the first place.

It has very little to do with "failures" as well but of coarse it CAN be about such things.

Your post is really strange.

 

[icanhasnick]

How can someone be bullied if it's not through interaction with others, ie social aspect ? It's like saying i disagree with the statement that conversation has anything to do with the social aspect.

 

[Hornyaboutdeath]

How can someone be bullied if it's not through interaction with others, ie social aspect ? It's like saying i disagree with the statement that conversation has anything to do with the social aspect.

Just because it's *through* the social interaction doesn't mean it has to be about the social interaction.

Are you underage? If so that's totally fine.
Just gotta know before I keep arguing about this obvious case.

 

[icanhasnick]

There's a trilema for you, but I'm afraid the author might also be underage:

Wikipedia : the special olympics for the mentally retarded. on Trilema - A blog by Mircea Popescu.

Planet Earth's most widely read blog.

trilema.com

 

[SipSop]

I've just seen this.
Is sad if you qualify for it. I know better.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Can you list 10 things that you need to master in life? What is there to master?
Social skills?

You only showed two words of what you were referring to. This is the entire passage:

Not every solution works for everyone unfortunately. I think that if one stops looking for solutions, even after one or more solution has failed or hasn't been a match, then it's kind of like a baby bird giving up breaking out of the shell. If they do, then there will still be more challenges and work. Life is just like that. There's a lot to master and it takes a lot of effort and a lot of building of strength and skills. Once they're built, things take less effort to maintain.

10 things a human needs to master in life:

1. Rolling over
2. Sitting up
3. Crawling
4. Balancing
5. Walking
6. Chewing
7. Bladder control
8. Spincter control
9. Fine motor skills
10. Language comprehension

Btw, I'm not being evasive or a smart ass. That's literally what I meant. All of it takes work, then becomes internalized and is easy to maintain, and more skills can be built off of the basics.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yes, bullying and early childhood trauma has deeply hindered me as an adult.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

This is my argument. The permanent damage done by bullying/abuse to one's psyche can cause complex ptsd and also cause one trouble among their peers and forming social bonds this is why I struggled so much and my self esteem is damaged and why i don't have strong boundaries