so, 3-4 years ago my family members were relatively normal human beings. i wasn't mentally ill and it feels like in 1 day everything went to hell, they became absolutely fucking disgusting creatures at least for me. i prefer to not explain details here, because it is very personal, but it's generally about immense amounts of moral abuse and sometimes including physical too. i hate them so goddamn much. sometimes i miss the old good times when i didn't feel embarassed for talking to my family. they were actually supportive back in the day. i just can't stand communicating with them now, it's disgusting and scary at the same time, i built some kind of fucked up phobia when i'm afraid to answer anything while they are speaking to me, hence why my answers take too much time or they're too vague. it's not that hard for me to communicate with my friends, strangers and etc. but i still got severe sociophobia, my mind on public is just overflowed with bad and intrusive thoughts about how i look, how i act, how i walk and how i talk, it really fucking sucks. it's like if i will do something wrong my brain automatically thinks that i would be killed on sight or some shit. i got to that point mainly because my family would humiliate me even for the smallest mistake possible which is of course wrong at the root. i really wish i had better family instead of this bunch of assholes, i wouldn't end up on this site then. last 2 weeks i felt so extremely horrible, i suffered so many mental breaks, i barely speak to anyone right now even online. honestly, i just want to "escape", if you know what i mean
sorry for any grammatical errors here, english is not my first language.
sorry for any grammatical errors here, english is not my first language.
