so I've been dating my boyfriend for a month now, so far it's been nice. I feel like I can talk to him and vice versa. We had been friends for a while before we started dating.
Things have gone pretty fast, also it's both of ours first relationship ever. Also, he is the first guy I've ever had a close friendship to. I think I had a crush on a guy before but we were just acquaintances, and I never said anything to him about it (this was years ago)
We are really different but we bonded over similar experiences. Also, we mostly talked at parties. He's a happy drunk. I thought I was a happy drunk too but looking back, I might be pretty depressing lol. I think this is part of the reason why I'm feeling the way I've been feeling.
So he has his life together, he's really ambitious and super intelligent and hard-working. On the other hand, I've been suicidal for a long time so I honestly don't plan out my life as much anymore. I still think by 24 I will ctb and that's been my plan for a while. He knows about this although he doesn't like it of course, since he believes I have potential. Also, I've always been pretty lazy and irresponsible. I take things easy. He's the opposite -- though hes still so organized that he can party and relax without it interfering with his responsibilities.
like actually I'm unsure why he wants to be in an official, committed relationship with me knowing all of my issues. He knows girls who are objectively better off, plus prettier and skinnier. The only difference is that those other girls rejected him but I didn't -- I asked him out first and that was just cuz I got super drunk. Otherwise I wouldnt have said anything because I really think he'd be settling. I still think hes settling, and I told him so, but he insists thats not the case and that it made him sad to hear me say that.
Plus lately, he seems to have a temper when we hang out. Not in a bad or concerning way, but I really really dislike people who get angry easily, especially if I can sense they are annoyed or upset with me. I love him, but the times he's gotten upset have made me reconsider everything because it reminds me too much of my family. I don't want someone who gets angry in my life. When I'm angry, I don't show it or deal with the other person until I've processed things. And I'm always calm and careful of what I say. If I've lashed out, it's because I've hit my absolute limit (e.g. my sister guilt tripping and moping when shes in a bad mood, my parents screaming at me when theyre frustrated)
As friends I never saw that side of him, since he always seemed to be in a good mood. Even when we hung out sober he was patient and kind, which is why I liked him so much. But now Im like idk, do I really wanna stick it out and see where this goes?? Because seriously, when hes gotten angry it hasnt been bad. He just gets a bit of an attitude and rolls his eyes and such, nothing major. But to me it's really annoying and concerning. I don't want to deal with that.
however maybe this is a normal thing?? After all its only been a month... but also, I believe you should only date if you can imagine yourself marrying someone. In the first few weeks of the relationship I could definitely picture that, but nowadays I keep thinking we might end up like my parents who both have quick tempers and can barely stand each other. I also worry he will just get tired of me, or that he wants me to change. While I appreciate that he looks out for me and helps me to get my life on track, we cant tell the future. What if my meds stop working and I'm basically bed bound from my depression? I don't want a conditional romance like that.
maybe Im just speaking from inexperience and insecurity though... When we first started dating my psych told me to be careful about letting my own doubts and insecurities project onto him, but also I don't want to waste my time. He's a great guy and an amazing friend but I don't want to waste either of our time. And if hes not satisfied with me I dont think he should feel obligated to stay committed -- I'm fine being fwb or just "talking," I don't think it will be a big deal and two people can have an intimate relationship without it being a forever thing
so yeah... thats my situation right now lol. Any advice is greatly appreciated. i would have asked in a romance/relationship forum or subreddit but ik my bf uses reddit a lot haha. But SS is pretty private so thats why im here
Things have gone pretty fast, also it's both of ours first relationship ever. Also, he is the first guy I've ever had a close friendship to. I think I had a crush on a guy before but we were just acquaintances, and I never said anything to him about it (this was years ago)
We are really different but we bonded over similar experiences. Also, we mostly talked at parties. He's a happy drunk. I thought I was a happy drunk too but looking back, I might be pretty depressing lol. I think this is part of the reason why I'm feeling the way I've been feeling.
So he has his life together, he's really ambitious and super intelligent and hard-working. On the other hand, I've been suicidal for a long time so I honestly don't plan out my life as much anymore. I still think by 24 I will ctb and that's been my plan for a while. He knows about this although he doesn't like it of course, since he believes I have potential. Also, I've always been pretty lazy and irresponsible. I take things easy. He's the opposite -- though hes still so organized that he can party and relax without it interfering with his responsibilities.
like actually I'm unsure why he wants to be in an official, committed relationship with me knowing all of my issues. He knows girls who are objectively better off, plus prettier and skinnier. The only difference is that those other girls rejected him but I didn't -- I asked him out first and that was just cuz I got super drunk. Otherwise I wouldnt have said anything because I really think he'd be settling. I still think hes settling, and I told him so, but he insists thats not the case and that it made him sad to hear me say that.
Plus lately, he seems to have a temper when we hang out. Not in a bad or concerning way, but I really really dislike people who get angry easily, especially if I can sense they are annoyed or upset with me. I love him, but the times he's gotten upset have made me reconsider everything because it reminds me too much of my family. I don't want someone who gets angry in my life. When I'm angry, I don't show it or deal with the other person until I've processed things. And I'm always calm and careful of what I say. If I've lashed out, it's because I've hit my absolute limit (e.g. my sister guilt tripping and moping when shes in a bad mood, my parents screaming at me when theyre frustrated)
As friends I never saw that side of him, since he always seemed to be in a good mood. Even when we hung out sober he was patient and kind, which is why I liked him so much. But now Im like idk, do I really wanna stick it out and see where this goes?? Because seriously, when hes gotten angry it hasnt been bad. He just gets a bit of an attitude and rolls his eyes and such, nothing major. But to me it's really annoying and concerning. I don't want to deal with that.
however maybe this is a normal thing?? After all its only been a month... but also, I believe you should only date if you can imagine yourself marrying someone. In the first few weeks of the relationship I could definitely picture that, but nowadays I keep thinking we might end up like my parents who both have quick tempers and can barely stand each other. I also worry he will just get tired of me, or that he wants me to change. While I appreciate that he looks out for me and helps me to get my life on track, we cant tell the future. What if my meds stop working and I'm basically bed bound from my depression? I don't want a conditional romance like that.
maybe Im just speaking from inexperience and insecurity though... When we first started dating my psych told me to be careful about letting my own doubts and insecurities project onto him, but also I don't want to waste my time. He's a great guy and an amazing friend but I don't want to waste either of our time. And if hes not satisfied with me I dont think he should feel obligated to stay committed -- I'm fine being fwb or just "talking," I don't think it will be a big deal and two people can have an intimate relationship without it being a forever thing
so yeah... thats my situation right now lol. Any advice is greatly appreciated. i would have asked in a romance/relationship forum or subreddit but ik my bf uses reddit a lot haha. But SS is pretty private so thats why im here
