Venting (c/) PTSD combined with social anxiety sucks so much

[Suicidebydeath]

I don't think I can socialize normally. Someone mentioned me in discord and I'm not sure what they're talking about from last night, I was kinda focused on the gameplay and I don't always know how to respond to live group chats, the more people the worse it gets for me, I hate being the focus of attention too. My friend isn't responding. So my paranoia is spiked all the way through the roof and I feel terrible but it's probably some normal interaction, but it is making me feel awful and I can't tell anyone.

It doesn't help that I could get triggered from bad experiences in the past where people would say or make up nasty stuff about me making my life/gaming harder. This is so awful, I want to die, or fall into a pit, and hide, but hiding right now will make it even worse because nothing might be wrong. They probably don't know how much this is affecting and hurting me, assuming its a normal interaction and I didn't mess up somehow. With my silence maybe. I don't know. Or maybe somebody said something last night in the group chat and I missed it.

So much uncertainty, this is killing me right now. Just a vent because I can't tell my friend, especially if they're not responding to my other messages. It hurts so much not knowing whether or not something is wrong. Fuck c/ PTSD seriously, fuck social anxiety and bad experiences in general. This is why I avoid socialization it's so difficult with (c/) PTSD, and social anxiety on top of that. I have pain in my chest, I want it to go away, so I am venting because my friend hasn't responded which is what I need for the pain to go away, I just need some reassurance that everything is normal.

 

[Ash’Girl]

I am a bit like this but it's more my BPD I think. I have always overthought absolutely everything: I can make a single comment in a social interaction and then obsess about how it was taken. Did I upset them? Do they think I'm crazy? Do they hate me? Are they all talking about me behind my back? It makes me want to hide away, but the reality generally is that most people didn't have a second thought about whatever I'm obsessing over. I get massive paranoia a lot of the time but it's my brain and my perceptions - I know that on a logical level but it still doesn't help me halt the spin cycle of intrusive thoughts.

I sympathise with you because it's very difficult to navigate any social interaction when your brain tortures you like this, and when people don't understand what it can be like because to them what you're obsessing about is inconsequential or insignificant it's harder to also seek the reassurance you need to settle your thoughts. Hugs.

 

[baabbaabbaab]

I'm pretty much the same.

At one point, I thought being honest about and asking to people if what my paranoia was telling me was right could help. But it never did in the long run...

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I am a bit like this but it's more my BPD I think. I have always overthought absolutely everything: I can make a single comment in a social interaction and then obsess about how it was taken. Did I upset them? Do they think I'm crazy? Do they hate me? Are they all talking about me behind my back? It makes me want to hide away, but the reality generally is that most people didn't have a second thought about whatever I'm obsessing over. I get massive paranoia a lot of the time but it's my brain and my perceptions - I know that on a logical level but it still doesn't help me halt the spin cycle of intrusive thoughts.

I sympathise with you because it's very difficult to navigate any social interaction when your brain tortures you like this, and when people don't understand what it can be like because to them what you're obsessing about is inconsequential or insignificant it's harder to also seek the reassurance you need to settle your thoughts. Hugs.

There's meant to be many similarities between the symptoms of (c/) PTSD and BPD so this could be one of them. To outsiders it definitely seems like overthinking for sure and I also think people don't normally think or have to worry about this stuff. Definitely seems like massive paranoia, and I try my best to ensure that it's not self-fulfilling because unfortunately paranoia seems justified often.

I think it's a nightmare to have either or both of these two conditions. Socializing is so much more difficult by default. Hugs in return to you and thank you for your insight and shared experience.

I'm pretty much the same.

At one point, I thought being honest about and asking to people if what my paranoia was telling me was right could help. But it never did in the long run...

Exactly I can't exactly bring this up because I can foresee a lot of people taking offense at my intrusive thoughts & feelings that I can't help having. It makes it very difficult to broach the subject at all. It's torturing me my friend hasn't responded to me at all, because if nothing is wrong and they knew how I felt, they would definitely not want me to feel this way. I keep telling myself they are afk/not paying attention to dms etc, and not that they are mad at me for some reason I don't know or can't help. I just wish I wasn't feeling so awful, I can't seem to do anything to prevent it.

Of couse I'm also in physical pain, and the pain I'm feeling could be that too, and one of the two is just amplifying the other. Hard to know for sure. Oh well. Thank you for responses. I'm trying anything to distract and bide my time, so I cooked food. I'm sure my friend will respond eventually, but I don't know when. I'll feel better eventually, anyway.

She responded with "rofl" reaction emoji to my joke-y discord reply in the group general chat, which isn't nothing, and nobody said anything terrible there yet other than poking at British cuisine, so I think everything is okay? - but no reply to personal message means I'm still on edge. Either way, I really hate these conditions for making me feel this bad over very probably nothing, other than my shyness in group chats, that is. ChatGPT is a godsend when I'm overwhelmed and feeling like this and looking for a level-headed response to messages, but it doesn't help with live chats.

I feel shit like I'm wasting everyone's time here, and at the same time also really angry at all of the people responsible for giving and leaving me with this condition (family, abusive adults, abusive psychs and psychs that listened to my family instead of me, etc) when they could probably have cured it a long time ago with a proper dx and rx.