bloodybushman
vīta incerta, morsque certissima
- May 8, 2026
- 21
7-27-26 / entry 1
hi. i want to do at least one thing every day that progresses my ultimate goal of getting my life together. i think i finally want to live instead of just survive. no zero days anymore.
i'm going to document that here. i find typing easier than writing. in addition, the act of posting something feels like i'm sending it off. i don't want to see these things in my notes app, but i don't want to delete them either. maybe you guys could help keep me accountable. maybe this could help someone. i don't know.
here's my not entirely comprehensive list of goals:
- do my remaining work and graduate, because being an adult still in a highschool program is deeply embarrassing.
- enroll in college. (first, actually decide what i want to do and if i want to go to that tech school.)
- get a part-time job. or even just volunteer at first, if that's a necessary baby step.
- treat my body better. get fit, exercise on a mostly consistent basis, eat healthier. practice good hygiene regularly. fix the acne and scars.
- do... something with my creative hobbies. find out if i want to take them more seriously, i guess. take art commissions? write a whole book? at the very least, just practice once a day.
- lower overall screen time. be more grounded in real life. i've spent the majority of my life in front of screens. i can't live like this.
- get caught up on chores and cleaning. do more for others around the house. be less of an asshole in general.
this entry is technically for the day of 7-26. i tend to stay awake far into the morning. it is currently 5 a.m. on 7-27. i get overwhelmed easily and find the quiet of night comforting, so i stay up for a while. usually not this long, though; i messed up my sleep schedule a few weeks ago.
i didn't do much today. woke up around 3pm then actually got up and took my meds around 4:30pm. thought about cleaning but didn't. cooked a pizza in the airfryer then hopped on my pc to play a game with my friend. ended up with 5 of my friends in the call playing games at the end. i laughed the hardest i have in a long time.
i miss them often these days. we're now all adults with jobs and/or classes. growing up is a weird thing.
had around 6 boiled eggs after the pizza. now realizing all i ate today was a small pizza and eggs. this is why i'm on so many damn vitamins.
i have a ketamine infusion tomorrow (today? after i wake up.) slightly anxious because i signed up for a writing event and the halfway check in is the day after (7-28). i don't even know if i would consider myself halfway done and i'm embarrassed for it to be read in its current state. but i'm not sure how much i can crank out while woozy from ketamine.
i technically didn't do anything to further my goals today, but i'll count creating this. i think my therapist would count it, so i will.
my eyes are getting heavy so i'm going to sleep now. i didn't really proofread this. sorry if it's nonsensical. sorry if i rambled, even though i suppose that's the point here.
goodnight. do something good today.
hi. i want to do at least one thing every day that progresses my ultimate goal of getting my life together. i think i finally want to live instead of just survive. no zero days anymore.
i'm going to document that here. i find typing easier than writing. in addition, the act of posting something feels like i'm sending it off. i don't want to see these things in my notes app, but i don't want to delete them either. maybe you guys could help keep me accountable. maybe this could help someone. i don't know.
here's my not entirely comprehensive list of goals:
- do my remaining work and graduate, because being an adult still in a highschool program is deeply embarrassing.
- enroll in college. (first, actually decide what i want to do and if i want to go to that tech school.)
- get a part-time job. or even just volunteer at first, if that's a necessary baby step.
- treat my body better. get fit, exercise on a mostly consistent basis, eat healthier. practice good hygiene regularly. fix the acne and scars.
- do... something with my creative hobbies. find out if i want to take them more seriously, i guess. take art commissions? write a whole book? at the very least, just practice once a day.
- lower overall screen time. be more grounded in real life. i've spent the majority of my life in front of screens. i can't live like this.
- get caught up on chores and cleaning. do more for others around the house. be less of an asshole in general.
this entry is technically for the day of 7-26. i tend to stay awake far into the morning. it is currently 5 a.m. on 7-27. i get overwhelmed easily and find the quiet of night comforting, so i stay up for a while. usually not this long, though; i messed up my sleep schedule a few weeks ago.
i didn't do much today. woke up around 3pm then actually got up and took my meds around 4:30pm. thought about cleaning but didn't. cooked a pizza in the airfryer then hopped on my pc to play a game with my friend. ended up with 5 of my friends in the call playing games at the end. i laughed the hardest i have in a long time.
i miss them often these days. we're now all adults with jobs and/or classes. growing up is a weird thing.
had around 6 boiled eggs after the pizza. now realizing all i ate today was a small pizza and eggs. this is why i'm on so many damn vitamins.
i have a ketamine infusion tomorrow (today? after i wake up.) slightly anxious because i signed up for a writing event and the halfway check in is the day after (7-28). i don't even know if i would consider myself halfway done and i'm embarrassed for it to be read in its current state. but i'm not sure how much i can crank out while woozy from ketamine.
i technically didn't do anything to further my goals today, but i'll count creating this. i think my therapist would count it, so i will.
my eyes are getting heavy so i'm going to sleep now. i didn't really proofread this. sorry if it's nonsensical. sorry if i rambled, even though i suppose that's the point here.
goodnight. do something good today.
