Burnout, underachieving and perfectionism

[Wolf-Alice]

I can't bring myself to even try studying for my upcoming exams (less than 1 week away) and it's practically sealing my death sentence. I'm so devastatingly average. Cs and Ds, a B when I was very lucky. Meanwhile I can't take anything less than an A as a predicted grade. I'm not going to achieve that, therefore my entire life is worthless. I'm never going to go to a good university. I'll never become employable. I'll never become independent from my family, and no good man would ever take me as his wife. I'm doomed. I

 

[real human being]

being average in a lot of ways is not so bad. im afraid i cant even be that.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Grades are not everything life, failing uni or having no uni degree is also not the end of life.

What's your degree worth when you're mental wreck bc of burnout after college/uni?

 

[Wolf-Alice]

being average in a lot of ways is not so bad. im afraid i cant even be that.

I think being average implies a sense of being functional in a society. I am definitely below average.

Grades are not everything life, failing uni or having no uni degree is also not the end of life.

I don't want to live a hard life. I'd rather not live at all.

 

[real human being]

I think being average implies a sense of being functional in a society. I am definitely below average.

I don't want to live a hard life. I'd rather not live at all.

then we are the same i guess

 

[efffervescence]

If you are still in school, I did really badly in my exams and wasn't even allowed to sit half of them because of my attendance, didn't bother with my final year. I got into university after taking time out for my mental health, which declined and I did hit rock bottom, but after that I got the grades I needed to get into university after, I was dependent on my family during this time. Burnout takes time to recover, sometimes people who were mentally ill when they were this young just don't have the mental capacity to be doing things that weigh so heavily into their future. I went to university later than most people, and I met a lot of people who did the same thing. We all agree that it is much better to be where we are now than being here back then. I understand striving for perfectionism and anything less feels like failure, but education can always happen late. It feels like you will be behind in life, but there are so many people that go too early and end up worse off than they would've had they waited. I am not even doing the same degree I was striving for back then, and I am very happy about it. Just give yourself the time you need, focus on yourself, and everything should fall into place in time. Everything feels like it will follow you forever, but it really doesn't. You can always make up for educational mishaps. A good man wouldn't care about these things, a good man will love you for who you are and I'm sure there is so much about you to love

 

[Wolf-Alice]

If you are still in school, I did really badly in my exams and wasn't even allowed to sit half of them because of my attendance, didn't bother with my final year. I got into university after taking time out for my mental health, which declined and I did hit rock bottom, but after that I got the grades I needed to get into university after, I was dependent on my family during this time. Burnout takes time to recover, sometimes people who were mentally ill when they were this young just don't have the mental capacity to be doing things that weigh so heavily into their future. I went to university later than most people, and I met a lot of people who did the same thing. We all agree that it is much better to be where we are now than being here back then. I understand striving for perfectionism and anything less feels like failure, but education can always happen late. It feels like you will be behind in life, but there are so many people that go too early and end up worse off than they would've had they waited. I am not even doing the same degree I was striving for back then, and I am very happy about it. Just give yourself the time you need, focus on yourself, and everything should fall into place in time. Everything feels like it will follow you forever, but it really doesn't. You can always make up for educational mishaps. A good man wouldn't care about these things, a good man will love you for who you are and I'm sure there is so much about you to love

Thank you for sharing, this does make me feel a bit better.

 

[efffervescence]

Thank you for sharing, this does make me feel a bit better.

I just wanted to add that university is much more accommodating to mental illness than school. School is a nightmare. At university they do genuinely care about you, I am meant to be sitting exams right now but am not because I am not mentally well enough, they're letting me take them during resits as a first attempt in a few months. Deadline extensions, mark adjustment, deferring if you find yourself in a bad situation are all accessible. At my university we have mental health professionals available, my advisor has been a god send, and lecturers/module leaders/other services to help you stay on track and give you leniency are there to catch you if you fall. You will have so much more support. School is not an accurate representation of education, the way you perform in school says nothing about how you will perform in what comes next. Mental illness is not the same disadvantage after school as it is during. Sending love x

 

[tbroken]

If you are still in school, I did really badly in my exams and wasn't even allowed to sit half of them because of my attendance, didn't bother with my final year. I got into university after taking time out for my mental health, which declined and I did hit rock bottom, but after that I got the grades I needed to get into university after, I was dependent on my family during this time. Burnout takes time to recover, sometimes people who were mentally ill when they were this young just don't have the mental capacity to be doing things that weigh so heavily into their future. I went to university later than most people, and I met a lot of people who did the same thing. We all agree that it is much better to be where we are now than being here back then. I understand striving for perfectionism and anything less feels like failure, but education can always happen late. It feels like you will be behind in life, but there are so many people that go too early and end up worse off than they would've had they waited. I am not even doing the same degree I was striving for back then, and I am very happy about it. Just give yourself the time you need, focus on yourself, and everything should fall into place in time. Everything feels like it will follow you forever, but it really doesn't. You can always make up for educational mishaps. A good man wouldn't care about these things, a good man will love you for who you are and I'm sure there is so much about you to love

Thanks for sharing this. It really made me smile and I'm happy for you.

I want to add that my country and especially my region is far more brutal and if you are depressed they just push you to the limit in al possible ways.
Plus everyone had more or less good expectations on me when i was really young, they insinuated that i was faking or I was an ass*hole. It was a total nightmare for me.
In the process of healing, I just focused on my self and on being alone and i learnt that the ppl we meet, really have an impact on our life, especially cruel and abusive ones.

 

[figcitylightscookie]

It looks like your profile picture is a mood board, so I'm writing this comment with the assumption that you would like to do better despite being suicidal, which is a good thing! I'm glad you still have hope :).

First off, you should know that grades aren't everything. Regardless, the best thing you can do now is to understand why your grades are low. Do you have bad teachers? Do you rely on others' class notes instead of your own? Do you study last minute? If you can, try finding a tutor or get private lessons and see if that helps. If it's because your mental health is declining, see if you can take a break from school until you feel better. Your well-being is much more important than any grades, and I assure you that taking time to yourself won't affect how employable you are, or how you attract a future husband. You're not doomed because of your grades; you just need to find the root of the problem and figure out a solution you're comfortable with. Good luck!

 

[Linda]

I can't bring myself to even try studying for my upcoming exams (less than 1 week away) and it's practically sealing my death sentence. I'm so devastatingly average. Cs and Ds, a B when I was very lucky. Meanwhile I can't take anything less than an A as a predicted grade. I'm not going to achieve that, therefore my entire life is worthless. I'm never going to go to a good university. I'll never become employable. I'll never become independent from my family, and no good man would ever take me as his wife. I'm doomed.

I have always set myself goals that were ambitious but perhaps achievable given my own abilities. There is absolutely no point in striving for unattainable goals. It's stupid, you will fail, and you will get stressed out too. If an A is out of reach for you - and it sounds as though it is - then aim for a B but be content if you get a C.
There is more to life than academic grades. Stop worrying and just get on with it.