Breaking my silence

[bevutifulsorrow]

For a second I thought someone cared for a second I thought I was okay, but the rain continued to

pour and the clouds continued to

blacken. I forgot what it was like for the sun to shine and beam off of my skin. The rain it won't stop I looked for shelter only to realize it would only block the rain for a short time. When the rain comes down harder and the wind begins to blow my shelter will no longer hold up. I will have nothing once more to protect me from it all.
I've had so many storms in life and for once I thought no matter what I will not break down. I first wanted to die at 9. I couldn't even explain it or understand why I was even feeling like I had to take my life… as I got older I realized that not wanting to be here was becoming more and more common in my thoughts. I've tried strangulation a few times I guess I just wasn't strong enough, I've cut myself a few times but not deep enough.
I mainly would scratch my self so hard until I scratched my skin off.
I'm saying all of that to say I don't feel like anyone hears me and I mean really hear me. Not only do I feel like no one hears me I don't think people understand me let alone want to. I'm alone and I thought being alone was ok until I realized that being alone only made the feelings worse I don't know if I hate it here or want to be here I don't know what to feel anymore. I really don't even think anyone cares. When I cry out for help no one notices and idk how to get them to.. I HATE IT!!!! I hate that I don't want to be here most of the time…

 

[MrDarkness]

Hey I know what it's like to be alone with your thoughts I'm alone with them all day, if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here

 

[The anhedonic one]

Being alone in the bottom of the pit of despair is something I can relate to all too well.
Yet you are not alone in this suffering because I and many others here understand you, and will support you as best we can.
So sorry you are going through this and welcome to the forum.

 

[bevutifulsorrow]

Being alone in the bottom of the pit of despair is something I can relate to all too well.
Yet you are not alone in this suffering because I and many others here understand you, and will support you as best we can.
So sorry you are going through this and welcome to the forum.

What helps you to guys get through it, I've known to suppress every emotion I feel, I'm a ticking bomb waiting to explode.

Hey I know what it's like to be alone with your thoughts I'm alone with them all day, if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here

Thanks, I always found it amazing how a stranger could listen better than my so called loved ones. How do you get through the day, it doesn't drive you insane? My thoughts are always racing my thoughts are never quiet.

 

[The anhedonic one]

What helps you to guys get through it, I've known to suppress every emotion I feel, I'm a ticking bomb waiting to explode.

Thanks, I always found it amazing how a stranger could listen better than my so called loved ones. How do you get through the day, it doesn't drive you insane? My thoughts are always racing my thoughts are never quiet.

Only thoughts of death are getting me through the days of painful existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring what you have to go through, existence is just too cruel. It's just the unfortunate reality that most people are too self centred to even try to understand the suffering that other people go through.

 

[bevutifulsorrow]

It must be tiring what you have to go through, existence is just too cruel. It's just the unfortunate reality that most people are too self centred to even try to understand the suffering that other people go through.

Exhausting… I hate people think I want to feel like this like I just ask for it. I must agree with people being too self centered. they feel like your pain might not be so bad only because they feel like it's nothing in their eyes. When did people stop understanding that everyone's pain runs different. We literally console babies for the simplest things in and adult mind, but to those little people it means so much.

Being alone in the bottom of the pit of despair is something I can relate to all too well.
Yet you are not alone in this suffering because I and many others here understand you, and will support you as best we can.
So sorry you are going through this and welcome to the forum.

I honestly, thank you it's nice to be able to speak freely and not be judged. To be able to say I can't take it anymore and not have to worry about someone telling me it's not that serious, or I'm thinking to much into it, or maybe even the classic you are so much stronger than this you will be fine.