bpd

[l0stc4use]

i am not professionally diagnosed but 100% sure i have it and my therapist agrees. i'm working on getting testing for it rn but who else here has it? i would like to talk about it bc it's the main reason i want to ctb. it feels impossible to live with this illness. i feel emotions so intensely and i want the feelings to stop but they never will and the only way for true peace is to no longer be existing. it's getting harder to manage everyday. i wish i didn't have this and i wish i could live :(
i also just broke up with my girlfriend for the millionth time and am feeling very emotional which is why i made this post

 

[ExtraordinaryDefeat_]

I'm in a similar situation to you, my therapist is pretty sure I suffer from it but it's not officially diagnosed cuz my psychiatrist completely sucks ass. Both BPD and ASPD are the main reasons I want to CTB and every day is getting harder. I'm willing to listen and share my experience with you.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I'm in the same boat as you, breakup and all. I was never diagnosed thought my many years of evaluations and hospitalizations as a child, but I was okay with that considering the stigma around bpd. I now realize I do have it and it's "quiet". It definitely takes a toll on me but I have been trying to remember when I want to end it, that it's not always going to feel like that and my emotions are super heightened. When I'm super happy I remind myself that it's okay to feel like this but remember this is what I would be missing if I were gone.

Break ups with bpd are ever worse. I idolized my child's father and put them on this pedestal they were never going to fit on. I ignored their red flags because they were my everything and when I finally chose to break things I'm stuck regretting it. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting to some things or if I was right all along. One thing that is forsure: I'm not in the right spot for a relationship and that's that hardest thing for a bpd to do. Admitting my wrongs and noticing the changes and situations that make me "switch" is key.

 

[aeri]

i am not professionally diagnosed but 100% sure i have it and my therapist agrees. i'm working on getting testing for it rn but who else here has it? i would like to talk about it bc it's the main reason i want to ctb. it feels impossible to live with this illness. i feel emotions so intensely and i want the feelings to stop but they never will and the only way for true peace is to no longer be existing. it's getting harder to manage everyday. i wish i didn't have this and i wish i could live :(
i also just broke up with my girlfriend for the millionth time and am feeling very emotional which is why i made this post

good luck bud, it's tough... im diagnosed with BPD, in case you wanna vent to someone who knows how it is

definitely is why i wanna ctb so badly too. i feel everything way too much. euphoria, sadness, despair, loneliness, emptiness, everything is too intense and too rapid. the mood swings are horrible. needing a fp is also killing me.

 

[lofticries]

Bpd is utter hell. You constantly feel like you're on a roller coaster of emotions. There can never be balance in your life with it. The main reason I can't have friends or a partner.

Someone said it's like being a burn victim emotionally and I can't help but agree. Everything gets taken personal and it sucks.

 

[l0stc4use]

Someone said it's like being a burn victim emotionally and I can't help but agree. Everything gets taken personal and it sucks.

wow this perfectly describes the pain

 

[iwanttohugthetrees]

i am not professionally diagnosed but 100% sure i have it and my therapist agrees. i'm working on getting testing for it rn but who else here has it? i would like to talk about it bc it's the main reason i want to ctb. it feels impossible to live with this illness. i feel emotions so intensely and i want the feelings to stop but they never will and the only way for true peace is to no longer be existing. it's getting harder to manage everyday. i wish i didn't have this and i wish i could live :(
i also just broke up with my girlfriend for the millionth time and am feeling very emotional which is why i made this post

this thing sucks
I dont know how to live with this shit
need to be in therapy all the time otherwise I turn into mess
I really believe it is the worst mental health disorder
hugs to you

 

[hellispink]

I have bdp. I suspected it for almost two years. I was oficially diagnosed a week ago by a psychiatrist. Living with this nightmare is unbearable for me. It is the main reason why I am leaving. I am tired of being in the edge all the time. I am tired of therapy or the medications they want to give with a ton of side effects. I do not even consider myself normal human. I feel like unfunctioning and perhaps even a harm to others even though it's only to myself. The fear of abandonment, the issues of image, the intensity of these emotions and I also deal with self harm so its like an explosion of stuff that I can't deal with it anymore. I understand some people live with it by managing it. However I don't want this life being unstable. There will always be crisis when bdp is present. I don't wanna live with it anymore as it i feels like hell.

 

[Tired_only]

I have bpd as well, i guess i'am officially diagnosed by psychiatrist although she says she doesn't like "using labels" but when i asked her outright she said yes i officially have traits of bpd.

Its super upsetting hearing people say they have partners, am i so ugly, disgusting, socially inept and fucking repulsive i cant get one relationship, nonetheless one person to actually seriously like me. What is it about me that men just don't fucking like me or care even the slightest about me. Not one person sees me as emotionally desirable, not one male has ever saw me as attractive enough inside and out to pursue me or even half ass care to try and date me. Instead constantly rejected and looked over, they always go to the other woman.

Never dated, never liked... but yet people on here find it so easy to find someone, someone that actually likes them enough to want to be in a relationship.

 

[l0stc4use]

this thing sucks
I dont know how to live with this shit
need to be in therapy all the time otherwise I turn into mess
I really believe it is the worst mental health disorder
hugs to you

omg it really does feel like i need to be in therapy 24/7 to live it sucks so bad

 

[picklemick]

I want to bring up BPD again because since joining this forum, I;ve learned about it and I 100% fit this description. Just want to hear more of your experiences and things you've done or what BPD is like for you. Looking for someone with BPD to talk to

 

[l0stc4use]

I want to bring up BPD again because since joining this forum, I;ve learned about it and I 100% fit this description. Just want to hear more of your experiences and things you've done or what BPD is like for you. Looking for someone with BPD to talk to

I always have a chronic feeling of emptiness, as if something is missing in my life and I can't figure out what it is no matter what I do. I get easily attached to people and they become my "favorite person" where I base all of my emotions on how much attention they give me that day. I have a huge fear of abandonment and will do a lot to avoid that. My BPD is affecting my current relationship a lot. I always overthink and ask my gf for reassurance. I feel like she's going to leave all the time. We have arguments over it and whenever we argue I'll start splitting on her and thinking in only black and white thinking to make her a bad person and usually it ends up with me saying mean words to her or leaving her first. However, each time this has happened she has understood, forgived me and gotten back together with me luckily. I have attempted suicide a lot, usually after arguments where I fear I'm going to be abandoned. Or sometimes I have done it for attention I won't lie. My life and relationships are very unstable and I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone. You can message me anytime about this. I wish you the best

 

[Life_and_Death]

bpd feels like an algebra equation: bpd(d+s) = fml
s - stress d - distress bpd=100
basically whatever is going on and times it by 100. it inflates EVERYTHING

 

[chronicallybroken]

I am pretty sure I have BPD and like some of the above I am going through a breakup. I'm second-guessing things about the relationship now I've decided (accepted?) that my 'emotional instability' is more than just that, and I probably do fit the DSM criteria.

On one hand, the self-reflection has made a lot of things make sense. But on the other, I feel absolutely hopeless about any future with this illness. I'm tired. Exhausted. Even when I'm not deeply suicidal as I am now. Constantly trying to balance life and mask my troubles while also suffering from fatigue is unbelievably tiring. I can't find the effort required to be in therapy all the time just to try and keep my head above water, or to implement and maintain a lifestyle. It's all hopeless. I'll fall down again, and I'll actively want to CTB rather than the usual passive thoughts, and I'll wish that I had been successful at some point in my life.