Help BPD Infatuations

[porfin1234]

i feel that if i cut ties with the person, i would've killed myself sooner. it's like the only thing keeping me grounded is my "love" (obsession)

for me it intensified my suicidal ideation and it was crazy roller coaster ride between extreme pain and pleasure but if it helps you and hurts no one then more power to ya

 

[enjoy]

i tend to only be infatuated with one person at a time, but sometimes i'll be infatuated with multiple people. levels of severity vary.

i was infatuated with my ex-girlfriend for quite a while, even when her and i were still together. she was "my person". when her and i broke up for the last time at the end of september, i lost my shit. then, after she blocked me on halloween, it got way, way worse. i was constantly thinking about her until the end of december. the worst part was that i'd have sexual fantasies about her. i still feel gross because of that. now that it's been almost 4 months, though, i've started to let go. it's really fucking hard, but i know it's for the best. i've met a lot of new people since, and even when me and my ex were still "friends" i was talking to a handful of them.

being infatuated with her prevented me from having more than a few acquaintances. i was wholly obsessed with her to the point where i didn't focus on anyone i had a platonic relationship with. looking back, i can't believe that i'd sit there and wonder why people would come and go so quickly. being single has given me the glorious abilities to 1. hook up with however many/whoever i want and 2. have a huge circle of friends and spend all my time with them. it's so much better.

 

[Nemeshisu]

I haven't been officaly diagnosed with BPD, but I also experience these strange infatuation episodes. I think its somehow related to my PTSD and attachment issues. It's rather strange as these episodes usually last very short period of time. I can be obsessed with someone I don't even know for one day, but I completly forget about them the very next day. It is so annoying that I used to "fall in love with random girls on the bus" that just sat next to me. Even though, we haven't even talked but I used to daydream about our relationship. It happened atleast thrice during my lifetime.

It's even worse when I end up falling for someone who I atleast know like some friend or acquaintance. These platonic love episodes tend to last little longer and I get overly possesive of my friend. I got exteme suicidal thoughts when my friend didn't talk with me for one day! It's one of reasons why I avoid getting to close to anyone. Even if I had a partner and if she would eventually break up with me, I am scared that it would push me over edge due to how obsessive about someone I can get.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Fuck I miss BPD_LE. I wish I could've been there more to help. Carry on...

 

[porfin1234]

I Honestly find myself feeling like I just fall in love with everyone. It's weird. Not necessarily romantic. I just mean.. I watch people, interact with them, and while not everyone but most people I find myself around, I just think wow.. you beautiful human. I love connecting with people so much. I just tend to not be good at it if it gets too close (or with kids I can be mean but also love the hell out of them.. I feel bad for how I've treated my students.. one moment angry next super loving)