Discussion Boyfriend wants death

[thethethethethethe]

hey, so i'm not suicidal but my boyfriend really is. he deals with schizophrenia and hallucinations, and generally a LOT of issues that are really not good for his mental health. he keeps talking about suicide.
idk. out of selfishness I really don't want him to. he's too important to me and so many other people...
what are your thoughts?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

what are your thoughts?

I'm suicidal without the schizophrenia, and wouldn't want to switch places (even if they threw in the gf). Interesting to get the outsider's perspective, would you want to die in his position?

 

[MolinaKeyLime]

I can't imagine how difficult it would be to deal with those things and function normally. The most I could say is it seems like the support you give him has helped tremendously. Something you could try is having a consistent positive scuedual... like try scratching or rubbing his back or head at night. I say this because my dad would do that for me and it genuinely makes a world of a difference

 

[summers]

hey, so i'm not suicidal but my boyfriend really is. he deals with schizophrenia and hallucinations, and generally a LOT of issues that are really not good for his mental health. he keeps talking about suicide.
idk. out of selfishness I really don't want him to. he's too important to me and so many other people...
what are your thoughts?

I don't think it's selfish that you love someone and want to be with them. Have you discussed seeing a psychiatrist to see if there is a combo of meds that will help. It takes a lot of trial and error, so you would both have to be patient.

 

[thethethethethethe]

Interesting to get the outsider's perspective, would you want to die in his position?

most likely. i had suicidal tendencies for a while and they only really passed as my situation improved. however, I probably would have not followed through anything.

I can't imagine how difficult it would be to deal with those things and function normally. The most I could say is it seems like the support you give him has helped tremendously. Something you could try is having a consistent positive scuedual... like try scratching or rubbing his back or head at night. I say this because my dad would do that for me and it genuinely makes a world of a difference

consistent things like that are a good idea!
and, yeah, he's really dependent on me right now and has been for a while - more than is healthy, at the least, I really do devote pretty much all of my time.. not complaining though, I love being with him

I don't think it's selfish that you love someone and want to be with them. Have you discussed seeing a psychiatrist to see if there is a combo of meds that will help. It takes a lot of trial and error, so you would both have to be patient.

I got him to start seeing a therapist and he really hates it... talks about art/music therapy a lot but it's very expensive and where we live there isn't much option for it :/
I keep pushing him to ask to try new antidepressants but he seems adamant not to
just realized it's been editing over the same post... my bad :P

 

[summers]

I got him to start seeing a therapist and he really hates it... talks about art/music therapy a lot but it's very expensive and where we live there isn't much option for it :/
I keep pushing him to ask to try new antidepressants but he seems adamant not to
just realized it's been editing over the same post... my bad :P

Antidepressants alone are usually not enough. Sure, they can turn you into a zombie, but a lot of times, depression can be linked to chemical or hormonal imbalances. It takes a lot of testing, trying a new combo, testing, making tweaks, etc.

What this shows is the failure of the mental health systems world-wide. It's always, let's drug people into zombies instead of actually figuring out the problem.

 

[GentlyFading]

I don't think you're being selfish! It also makes a lot of sense that he's suicidal. Hallucinations and delusions are awful and health care providers tend to be way more abusive to folks with psychosis.

The best I can think to say that dialectics are great! You can love him and want him to be here and also be validating of the fact that his life sucks ass and he suicidal ideation is understandable. Life is messy and seemingly contradictory and that's okay <3

 

[thethethethethethe]

Antidepressants alone are usually not enough. Sure, they can turn you into a zombie, but a lot of times, depression can be linked to chemical or hormonal imbalances. It takes a lot of testing, trying a new combo, testing, making tweaks, etc.

yeah.. the people I know with history with antidepressants always had to try multiple first. the meds he currently takes aren't addictive at all either so their efficiency is quite limited :/

 

[sanction]

@thethethethethethe Sorry to hear that. Since you're not suicidal, curious how you found this forum? Although I'm not against suicide (as long as have reasonable struggles), I also want to give a friendly and serious reminder/ wake up call. If you really don't want him to proceed with it, treat now as your absolute final chance to turn things around as quick as you can, to be extra safe. Because once it happens, theres no turning back, and will be too late to regret what you could have done instead later. See if possible to imagine he is already gone for a week now, the worst had finally unexpectedly happened, you're grieving, and its now that it truly hits you how bad the situation is, and its only through being pushed to the limit that you're finally able to come up with certain creative or out of the norm solutions that you simply weren't able to before, as things simply didn't get that bad yet since he was still alive, and now you're regretting how you overlooked those extra steps to prevent it. And you keep telling yourself, if you were only given 1 more chance, or 1 more day, you would of done things different and taken those extra unusual steps in a heart beat. Now rewind back to current moment..... he's truly still here, your wish has been granted, but the clock is ticking real-time. Now is the time to stay logical, not emotional. Try to do those extra things as quick as you can, while still possible. I know I'm making it sound easy, since I'm not the one going through it, but hopefully this helps in some way. All the best

PS: some quote or saying just hit my mind. Let me share it with you. Of course don't misunderstood my meaning or take it the wrong way. It goes something like this........ "Dumb people let problems defeat them. Smart people manages the problem. But wise people prevent the problem from even happening in the first place".......... (hope this motivates you to find solution)

 

[Someone123]

hey, so i'm not suicidal but my boyfriend really is. he deals with schizophrenia and hallucinations, and generally a LOT of issues that are really not good for his mental health. he keeps talking about suicide.
idk. out of selfishness I really don't want him to. he's too important to me and so many other people...
what are your thoughts?

The right meds can help people with schizophrenia but there is a trade-off of side effects so that sometimes people can off their meds. That is a very tough situation and hopefully he can get the right combination of meds to make things better for him.

 

[4eyebiped]

As others have stated, try to have a conversation with him and see about assisting him in getting treatment, if he isn't already being treated. Do not be too aggressive, just work with him here. Patience and communication are great things to practice in a relationship.

The good news is he is off to a good start as he has you, someone caring and loving. That is powerful as some are missing such support. From his point of view he might feel like a burden. You need to communicate and reassure him that he is not. Find out from him how he prefers you to react, or what he would like you to do, when he is having an episode. This can vary greatly from one person to another. See if there are things you can do to help ground him. It is team work. Maybe toss in a couple of hugs too during all of this.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Does he take medications for schizophrenia? Antidepressants are garbage for most folks. Maybe stabilizing meds would be the way to go or lithium. Idk I would ask professional.
Stabilizing meds helped me. I hope boyfriend will get better.

 

[Oblivion]

Be there for him no matter what and don't be selfish like pro-lifers that wanna force people to live no matter what. death is not always a bad thing, the world needs to accept that FFS.

 

[thethethethethethe]

@thethethethethethe Sorry to hear that. Since you're not suicidal, curious how you found this forum? Although I'm not against suicide (as long as have reasonable struggles), I also want to give a friendly and serious reminder/ wake up call. If you really don't want him to proceed with it, treat now as your absolute final chance to turn things around as quick as you can, to be extra safe. Because once it happens, theres no turning back, and will be too late to regret what you could have done instead later. See if possible to imagine he is already gone for a week now, the worst had finally unexpectedly happened, you're grieving, and its now that it truly hits you how bad the situation is, and its only through being pushed to the limit that you're finally able to come up with certain creative or out of the norm solutions that you simply weren't able to before, as things simply didn't get that bad yet since he was still alive, and now you're regretting how you overlooked those extra steps to prevent it. And you keep telling yourself, if you were only given 1 more chance, or 1 more day, you would of done things different and taken those extra unusual steps in a heart beat. Now rewind back to current moment..... he's truly still here, your wish has been granted, but the clock is ticking real-time. Now is the time to stay logical, not emotional. Try to do those extra things as quick as you can, while still possible. I know I'm making it sound easy, since I'm not the one going through it, but hopefully this helps in some way. All the best

PS: some quote or saying just hit my mind. Let me share it with you. Of course don't misunderstood my meaning or take it the wrong way. It goes something like this........ "Dumb people let problems defeat them. Smart people manages the problem. But wise people prevent the problem from even happening in the first place".......... (hope this motivates you to find solution)

I found this forum because my sister recently committed suicide and I was curious. and yes, good advice tyty

Does he take medications for schizophrenia? Antidepressants are garbage for most folks. Maybe stabilizing meds would be the way to go or lithium. Idk I would ask professional.
Stabilizing meds helped me. I hope boyfriend will get better.

i've been pushing him to but he really doesn't want to bring it up to a therapist.. he had me go in with him once to first talk about the hallucinations and I might get him to agree to that again :>

 

[Worndown]

Has he been on medications previously? It can take time to find the right medications and dosages. Let him know you will stand by him during this process because he is important to you. That is about all you can offer. I hope it goes well for both of you.

 

[fox_wannabe]

i've been pushing him to but he really doesn't want to bring it up to a therapist.. he had me go in with him once to first talk about the hallucinations and I might get him to agree to that again :>

Please find a way to make him talk to therapist about this, It is like the most important issue to talk about

 

[Cuppatea856]

most likely. i had suicidal tendencies for a while and they only really passed as my situation improved. however, I probably would have not followed through anything.

consistent things like that are a good idea!
and, yeah, he's really dependent on me right now and has been for a while - more than is healthy, at the least, I really do devote pretty much all of my time.. not complaining though, I love being with him

I got him to start seeing a therapist and he really hates it... talks about art/music therapy a lot but it's very expensive and where we live there isn't much option for it :/
I keep pushing him to ask to try new antidepressants but he seems adamant not to
just realized it's been editing over the same post... my bad :P

Not sure why a psychiatrist would prescribe antidepressants to someone with schizophrenia, that seems strange. He should be taking an antipsychotic, like Seroquel and a mood stabilizer, like lamictal.
You really don't need money for art therapy. There are tons of great art tutorials on YouTube and artists that host "paint with me sessions." So many channels have tips on low cost art supplies that are of good quality. You can go get some Crayola colored pencils and some cheap watercolor paints for under $10. This is exactly how I got started doing art. What I do is just let myself play. Sometimes I look up at the clock and I've been at it for hours. It's a wonderful way to live in the present moment.
Anyway, it's clear are a supportive and caring person, that is sometimes all you can be. The truth is, people have to want to try to help themselves. You will never be able to do that for him, he has to do that himself.

I wish I had better answers for you.

 

[thethethethethethe]

Please find a way to make him talk to therapist about this, It is like the most important issue to talk about

yeah.. that's what i usually say :p

Has he been on medications previously? It can take time to find the right medications and dosages. Let him know you will stand by him during this process because he is important to you. That is about all you can offer. I hope it goes well for both of you.

thank you!

Not sure why a psychiatrist would prescribe antidepressants to someone with schizophrenia, that seems strange. He should be taking an antipsychotic, like Seroquel and a mood stabilizer, like lamictal.
You really don't need money for art therapy. There are tons of great art tutorials on YouTube and artists that host "paint with me sessions." So many channels have tips on low cost art supplies that are of good quality. You can go get some Crayola colored pencils and some cheap watercolor paints for under $10. This is exactly how I got started doing art. What I do is just let myself play. Sometimes I look up at the clock and I've been at it for hours. It's a wonderful way to live in the present moment.
Anyway, it's clear are a supportive and caring person, that is sometimes all you can be. The truth is, people have to want to try to help themselves. You will never be able to do that for him, he has to do that himself.

I wish I had better answers for you.

he's been treated for anxiety issues, but not schizophrenia. there's some weird thing preventing him from actually being officially diagnosed with schizophrenia, I believe because he is still technically a minor (17), so he CAN'T get proper treatment.
what would be good is antihistamines but he really seems against them and just.. idk. I will keep being supportive

 

[ihatemylife]

hey, so i'm not suicidal but my boyfriend really is. he deals with schizophrenia and hallucinations, and generally a LOT of issues that are really not good for his mental health. he keeps talking about suicide.
idk. out of selfishness I really don't want him to. he's too important to me and so many other people...
what are your thoughts?

All I could suggest is to just be there for him no matter what. Sometime just having someone who listens without judgment makes all the difference to someone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that we all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing, it is our life and our decision and you cannot force people to live. The only thing you can do is try to support him, I agree with the person above about just being there for him. I do think though, that if he really does want to ctb, there is nothing you can really do. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[little helpers]

hey, so i'm not suicidal but my boyfriend really is. he deals with schizophrenia and hallucinations, and generally a LOT of issues that are really not good for his mental health. he keeps talking about suicide.
idk. out of selfishness I really don't want him to. he's too important to me and so many other people...
what are your thoughts?

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. communicate. you don't have to be a suicidology expert to learn exactly what *his* suicidality is like. what are his reasons to keep going? what's been driving him to consider suicide? is it long-term or sporadic? does he find it intrusive or identify with it? are delusions and negative symptoms a factor for his suicidality?

my ex was almost gon jump off the building at one point. for real. I was there. she then checked herself into psych ward. in her own words, "I need to keep me safe from myself". woah. can't help but be amazed. cuz two months later I got jailed in the psych ward for killing myself and an involuntary commitment is the farthest thing from safety.

keeping someone alive when they truly can't carry on, is torturous for them. I'm not saying your BF fits this description or not. but if this is true for him, which you can figure out through communicating, fond memories are definitely better than painful ones, for either of you. I fantasize about dying in someone's arms and shit like that. I promise you this is not BS. loving someone to their very last moments is the best support another can give. but you also should hold onto your own boundaries. don't have to feel overprotective of him or traumatize yourself with anything.

 

[Versailles]

keeping someone alive when they truly can't carry on, is torturous for them. I'm not saying your BF fits this description or not. but if this is true for him, which you can figure out through communicating, fond memories are definitely better than painful ones, for either of you. I fantasize about dying in someone's arms and shit like that. I promise you this is not BS. loving someone to their very last moments is the best support another can give. but you also should hold onto your own boundaries. don't have to feel overprotective of him or traumatize yourself with anything.

I suppose that love leads to learning to accept that that person deserves the best, even if that implies that that person decides to end his life, something similar happened to me, my ex took his own life and it took me years to understand this

 

[little helpers]

I suppose that love leads to learning to accept that that person deserves the best, even if that implies that that person decides to end his life, something similar happened to me, my ex took his own life and it took me years to understand this

on a side note, I want to say sorry to you for my deleted comment in the hitman thread. hope you're doing better at this point. you deserve my apology.