Bought SN

[punisheralbum]

I bought SN and it was delivered this week. Now I'm just waiting to be alone. I'm not feeling the worst I've ever felt in my life, but that's part of what's bad - my anhedonia has been so bad for so long now. even my physical sensations, like cold or hot, are dulled. I'm tired of being traumatized (I have CPTSD - from incest and abuse), tired of trying and failing, tired of even small things like the effing personalized ads that follow you everywhere and remind you of the cyber dystopia we live in. I'm 23 and I know my family and my friends will be devastated, but they'll be okay. I'm ready to rest.

 

[bobjohn420911]

What is SN? is that Sodium Nitrate? Which is a food preservative like the packets in beef jerky?

I looked that up and I found this The estimated lethal dose of sodium nitrite in adults is approximately 2.6 g [5]; however, a case of a patient surviving after ingesting 6 g sodium nitrite has been reported

How many grams do you have? You do not want to hurt yourself.

 

[punisheralbum]

Yes, it's sodium nitrite. I have a 32oz container, so it's a really large amount. I would take about 20g to do it.

 

[bobjohn420911]

Damn 32 oz? So you bought like a ice cream sized container of the stuff? How much did that cost?

Also bro suicide should be last resort. Absolute last resort. You only get one life. Once its over never again will you get to breath in fresh air or see the sun.

 

[FreeMe]

I bought SN and it was delivered this week. Now I'm just waiting to be alone. I'm not feeling the worst I've ever felt in my life, but that's part of what's bad - my anhedonia has been so bad for so long now. even my physical sensations, like cold or hot, are dulled. I'm tired of being traumatized (I have CPTSD - from incest and abuse), tired of trying and failing, tired of even small things like the effing personalized ads that follow you everywhere and remind you of the cyber dystopia we live in. I'm 23 and I know my family and my friends will be devastated, but they'll be okay. I'm ready to rest.

Hi @punisheralbum , I see you're a new member like me! Maybe if you're still around by the time I can start msging, we can chat about our experiences. I really hear you about anhedonia. Sometimes I feel like why do anything when I enjoy nothing, so I just lay in bed all day and night. It's also really frustrating talking about mental health to people that perhaps have not experienced pain like you have. It's incredibly lonely. Whatever you choice is, I can respect it. If you don't mind me asking, what sorts of therapy have you tried? I'm about to start DBT and this is going to be my last try at things.

 

[punisheralbum]

Hi @punisheralbum , I see you're a new member like me! Maybe if you're still around by the time I can start msging, we can chat about our experiences. I really hear you about anhedonia. Sometimes I feel like why do anything when I enjoy nothing, so I just lay in bed all day and night. It's also really frustrating talking about mental health to people that perhaps have not experienced pain like you have. It's incredibly lonely. Whatever you choice is, I can respect it. If you don't mind me asking, what sorts of therapy have you tried? I'm about to start DBT and this is going to be my last try at things.

hi @FreeMe! I'd love to talk sometime. I don't know when I can chat either but I'll figure it out. things really are hard right now. I've done a little DBT, EMDR, and CBT. DBT helps, but even helping myself like that is too hard when I get this depressed and withdrawn. I hope DBT is helpful for you!!

 

[FreeMe]

@punisheralbum Your story broke my heart and you sound like you're having a really hard time right now. But through your pain, I still think you seem really dope and smart! I've tried a bit of CBT and EMDR too as well as ACT, but never gave them an actual chance I don't think.

Actually I also got my SN this week, but found just having it on hand (at the back of my closet) uplifted my mood enough to have a little hope for DBT and another chance. Was your mood affected from receiving your delivery?

 

[punisheralbum]

@FreeMe thank you! you seem really cool too! :) getting my SN definitely changed my mood in a way, I feel like having it (also in the back of my closet) has made it so the last few days have been bearable. knowing I could leave soon has made the depression and PTSD easier to handle. the thought of dealing with it all forever is so scary.

 

[EADG]

Based in New Zealand and also looking for SN, the idea of just having it around seems like it would give me a peace of minding knowing it's there. Pain trying to get it here though. Any suggestions or PM's greatly appreciated.

 

[Kbeau]

Damn 32 oz? So you bought like a ice cream sized container of the stuff? How much did that cost?

Also bro suicide should be last resort. Absolute last resort. You only get one life. Once its over never again will you get to breath in fresh air or see the sun.

,??

 

[nohopeforethefuture]

Based in New Zealand and also looking for SN, the idea of just having it around seems like it would give me a peace of minding knowing it's there. Pain trying to get it here though. Any suggestions or PM's greatly appreciated.

I bought mine on Amazon. Idk if they deliver to NZ tho.

 

[punisheralbum]

I bought mine on Amazon. Idk if they deliver to NZ tho.

I bought mine on A too, but I live in the US.
I have to work tomorrow, so I'll be leaving the house early and I'm thinking about skipping and finding someplace to take the SN in my car.

 

[nohopeforethefuture]

I bought mine on A too, but I live in the US.
I have to work tomorrow, so I'll be leaving the house early and I'm thinking about skipping and finding someplace to take the SN in my car.

I hope everything works out for you. I also live in the US. I also bought the anti ems tho and I'm just gonna do it at home. Maybe tomorrow. I'm supposed to go out with friends tonight but I havent spoken to them in a week so maybe they wont even text me if I skip. Maybe I can just be forgotten about so that I'll have the courage to do it tomorrow.

 

[punisheralbum]

I hope everything works out for you. I also live in the US. I also bought the anti ems tho and I'm just gonna do it at home. Maybe tomorrow. I'm supposed to go out with friends tonight but I havent spoken to them in a week so maybe they wont even text me if I skip. Maybe I can just be forgotten about so that I'll have the courage to do it tomorrow.

I understand, I hope the best for you too. x maybe seeing your friends could be a nice thing though, or even a goodbye?

 

[EADG]

I bought mine on Amazon. Idk if they deliver to NZ tho.

Have seen that, can't find a lot of listings that are still up though. Think it would be difficult getting here customs are tight. Cheers though.

 

[nohopeforethefuture]

I understand, I hope the best for you too. x maybe seeing your friends could be a nice thing though, or even a goodbye?

My one friend actually did text me when I didnt show up and asked if I was coming. So I gave in and got ready and went. Just feels like I'm prolonging the inevitable though. I dont really want to die but living is painful and I hate it. There is nothing for me here.

Have seen that, can't find a lot of listings that are still up though. Think it would be difficult getting here customs are tight. Cheers though.

Good luck =/

 

[Lost Magic]

Best wishes to you. Do you have an anti-emetic and anti-acid? I am going to take 25 grams mixed with 400 grams of propranolol in my first glass and about 15 grams of just Sodium Nitrite in my backup glass. I figured if I struggle to handle that amount of salt the first go around (if I puke) then perhaps less salt in the second glass would work. Just a theory. Point is have a backup glass prepared. Sickness is a big issue with this method, even with the anti-sickness tablets.