Venting born on the wrong planet

[watashiwastar]

i am a hermit even when you tell me not to be. i am scared i will make the wrong joke, or that i will take the joke too far. i was made to garner your requests but still fail to do so.

i am loud when you tell me to be quiet. i am scared of the atmosphere falling silent, and the fault resting in my closed mouth like an unswallowed guilt.

i leave when you tell me to stay. i fear taking up your space in what i find to be an already very claustrophobic world that is seemingly boundless to everyone else.

i stay when you want to leave. i am searching for that hint in your speech that you enjoy my presence despite how i have run out of time.

i do not feel love. neither do i feel hatred. naturally, i do not reciprocate.

and neither do i understand what you mean when you call me a girlfriend, or a best friend.

i cannot feel anger, and i do not remember if i have felt happiness. i feed off of sadness and fear.

for i believe i was mistakenly born on this planet, by some unlucky cosmic force that has redirected my fate to reside within all of humanity.

i doubt the aliens would accomodate for me.

i do not know how to explain this to you, other than the fact that my brain chemistry has been altered.

you do not know what to say to me either, until it is too late.

 

[thelostautistic]

I really resonate with this. I also feel like I was born on the wrong planet and don't belong here