I used to believe money would make things just a bit better so I played the lottery every week but eventually stopped since my physical and mental problems got so bad that I figured I was broken beyond repair even if I won 50 million dollars.
Every day is the same over and over again and like I wrote earlier today and many other times my existence is merely tedious repetition of the day before over and over, in almost a decade I haven´t lived the only time I feel less bored is when I drink then I go from 0% excitement to maybe 5% and can enjoy a movie, btw it´s been 4 days since I last drank alcohol but just opened a beer now and about to take a sip and watch a movie so this is what my life has come to waiting several days to experience maybe 3-5% excitement when drunk fuck anhedonia and apathy they took all the fun and excitement out of life...